280 days 😃
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
280 days 😃
Evening all,
I feel like popping in every now an again just to share my progress and story with you all.
it feels like a lifetime ago when I first posted, lots of changes have happened, for the good mostly. It's been a rollercoaster for sure.
I'm finally on all the right medication, which has definitely balanced my mind.
I no longer drink.... ( God why did I spend an entire lifetime drunk)
I no longer take drugs.... ( God why did I spend an entire lifetime bombed out)
I no longer smoke...( God why did I........ you get the rest lol)
I asked myself those questions sooooooo many times, I have no answer. I would love to write something that would make sense,or would help to understand.
The bottom line is.... I did it...... I can't change it..... but I can move forward.
it serves no purpose in beating myself up. What matters is where I am now. I know this sounds cheesy but I learnt to be kind to myself.
I do still have the odd craving or it pops up now an again, but that's all it is..
my friends asked "how did you do it" I have no idea, I think I got sick of being sick, I got tired of being controlled by the booze and everything else, it took along long time for the penny to finally drop. But when it did, Jezzzzzz it was like a weight lifted off me, no more shame, no more apologizing for my behavior, no more empty bank account,
sounds harsh BUT I had to cut ties of all the people that were drinking buddies, all the people that I done drugs with, I had to sorta self isolate until I got strong again.
I now have real friends not weights round my neck pulling me down.
I found out a lot about myself, and I'm learning to like myself again. I had so much self hatred and loathing, I could barely look at my own reflection.
I see the world in colours again instead of everything being grey an bleak. I'm in a good place. I hope that anyone reading this that might be struggling, please stay strong. Because believe me your stronger than you think.
much love as always, keep.going, you got this
Doris xxx
I feel like popping in every now an again just to share my progress and story with you all.
it feels like a lifetime ago when I first posted, lots of changes have happened, for the good mostly. It's been a rollercoaster for sure.
I'm finally on all the right medication, which has definitely balanced my mind.
I no longer drink.... ( God why did I spend an entire lifetime drunk)
I no longer take drugs.... ( God why did I spend an entire lifetime bombed out)
I no longer smoke...( God why did I........ you get the rest lol)
I asked myself those questions sooooooo many times, I have no answer. I would love to write something that would make sense,or would help to understand.
The bottom line is.... I did it...... I can't change it..... but I can move forward.
it serves no purpose in beating myself up. What matters is where I am now. I know this sounds cheesy but I learnt to be kind to myself.
I do still have the odd craving or it pops up now an again, but that's all it is..
my friends asked "how did you do it" I have no idea, I think I got sick of being sick, I got tired of being controlled by the booze and everything else, it took along long time for the penny to finally drop. But when it did, Jezzzzzz it was like a weight lifted off me, no more shame, no more apologizing for my behavior, no more empty bank account,
sounds harsh BUT I had to cut ties of all the people that were drinking buddies, all the people that I done drugs with, I had to sorta self isolate until I got strong again.
I now have real friends not weights round my neck pulling me down.
I found out a lot about myself, and I'm learning to like myself again. I had so much self hatred and loathing, I could barely look at my own reflection.
I see the world in colours again instead of everything being grey an bleak. I'm in a good place. I hope that anyone reading this that might be struggling, please stay strong. Because believe me your stronger than you think.
much love as always, keep.going, you got this
Doris xxx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 637
Congratulations on day 280. I'm on day 123 clean from opiates. I understand what you mean about being hard on yourself, I myself during my addiction was very hard on myself and said so many things to lower my self-esteem. Which made things way more difficult especially holding in to events that brought pain but could not do anything because it's the pass. Just learn and grow from it then move on. Have a good day
Walk on
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by Doris47 
Evening all,
I feel like popping in every now an again just to share my progress and story with you all.
it feels like a lifetime ago when I first posted, lots of changes have happened, for the good mostly. It's been a rollercoaster for sure.
I'm finally on all the right medication, which has definitely balanced my mind.
I no longer drink.... ( God why did I spend an entire lifetime drunk)
I no longer take drugs.... ( God why did I spend an entire lifetime bombed out)
I no longer smoke...( God why did I........ you get the rest lol)
I asked myself those questions sooooooo many times, I have no answer. I would love to write something that would make sense,or would help to understand.
The bottom line is.... I did it...... I can't change it..... but I can move forward.
it serves no purpose in beating myself up. What matters is where I am now. I know this sounds cheesy but I learnt to be kind to myself.
I do still have the odd craving or it pops up now an again, but that's all it is..
my friends asked "how did you do it" I have no idea, I think I got sick of being sick, I got tired of being controlled by the booze and everything else, it took along long time for the penny to finally drop. But when it did, Jezzzzzz it was like a weight lifted off me, no more shame, no more apologizing for my behavior, no more empty bank account,
sounds harsh BUT I had to cut ties of all the people that were drinking buddies, all the people that I done drugs with, I had to sorta self isolate until I got strong again.
I now have real friends not weights round my neck pulling me down.
I found out a lot about myself, and I'm learning to like myself again. I had so much self hatred and loathing, I could barely look at my own reflection.
I see the world in colours again instead of everything being grey an bleak. I'm in a good place. I hope that anyone reading this that might be struggling, please stay strong. Because believe me your stronger than you think.
much love as always, keep.going, you got this
Doris xxx
I feel like popping in every now an again just to share my progress and story with you all.
it feels like a lifetime ago when I first posted, lots of changes have happened, for the good mostly. It's been a rollercoaster for sure.
I'm finally on all the right medication, which has definitely balanced my mind.
I no longer drink.... ( God why did I spend an entire lifetime drunk)
I no longer take drugs.... ( God why did I spend an entire lifetime bombed out)
I no longer smoke...( God why did I........ you get the rest lol)
I asked myself those questions sooooooo many times, I have no answer. I would love to write something that would make sense,or would help to understand.
The bottom line is.... I did it...... I can't change it..... but I can move forward.
it serves no purpose in beating myself up. What matters is where I am now. I know this sounds cheesy but I learnt to be kind to myself.
I do still have the odd craving or it pops up now an again, but that's all it is..
my friends asked "how did you do it" I have no idea, I think I got sick of being sick, I got tired of being controlled by the booze and everything else, it took along long time for the penny to finally drop. But when it did, Jezzzzzz it was like a weight lifted off me, no more shame, no more apologizing for my behavior, no more empty bank account,
sounds harsh BUT I had to cut ties of all the people that were drinking buddies, all the people that I done drugs with, I had to sorta self isolate until I got strong again.
I now have real friends not weights round my neck pulling me down.
I found out a lot about myself, and I'm learning to like myself again. I had so much self hatred and loathing, I could barely look at my own reflection.
I see the world in colours again instead of everything being grey an bleak. I'm in a good place. I hope that anyone reading this that might be struggling, please stay strong. Because believe me your stronger than you think.
much love as always, keep.going, you got this
Doris xxx
I am sooooooooooooo happy you made it!!! I actually just returned here to check for you. (It's 4am and I can't sleep and I was listening to Russell brands latest video on youtube posted a few hours ago, he was discussing addiction and I randomly remembered about this place and yourself Doris47)
And yes I am sober too. I've not been counting but it's been over a year. Had some health issues that made me stop and now I don't miss it at all. I live a healthy life returning to boxing regularly and karate. And I cut out all negative influences from my life.
Love you Doris I'm so happy for you.
Last edited by Dee74; 10-04-2020 at 11:06 PM. Reason: see my PM
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