My cat died.. Coping mechanisms
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 221
My cat died.. Coping mechanisms
Hey so I want to come here and be honest.. despite how ashamed I feel.
I was doing so well and then last week my 8 year old cat died unexpectedly last week. He was in for surgery on his bladder and had a bad reaction to the anaesthetic and his heart stopped. I work in the vets office so I was there when it all happened. He was so unlucky - I can count on one hand the animals we’ve lost that way. I know it will seem silly if you’re not a cat person but it absolutely devastated me.
Anyway I considered my options. I was doing so well staying sober. I thought about coming here and talking it through but instead like typical me I went off the deep end and reached for a drink. Pretty much had like a 2 day bender and was bed bound most of Friday. I don’t know why I’m so self destructive. I knew how it would end.
I need better coping strategies than self destructing and drinking at my problems. How do you all do it?
I was doing so well and then last week my 8 year old cat died unexpectedly last week. He was in for surgery on his bladder and had a bad reaction to the anaesthetic and his heart stopped. I work in the vets office so I was there when it all happened. He was so unlucky - I can count on one hand the animals we’ve lost that way. I know it will seem silly if you’re not a cat person but it absolutely devastated me.
Anyway I considered my options. I was doing so well staying sober. I thought about coming here and talking it through but instead like typical me I went off the deep end and reached for a drink. Pretty much had like a 2 day bender and was bed bound most of Friday. I don’t know why I’m so self destructive. I knew how it would end.
I need better coping strategies than self destructing and drinking at my problems. How do you all do it?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry for your loss NAS. I know how it hurts.
I also drank through various pets deaths and I'm sorry I did that now - they deserved better from me and I deserved better from myself- I'm glad that now I am the kind of man they always thought I was.
You can be that too. Pick yourself up and start again man
D
I also drank through various pets deaths and I'm sorry I did that now - they deserved better from me and I deserved better from myself- I'm glad that now I am the kind of man they always thought I was.
You can be that too. Pick yourself up and start again man
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,061
How devastating for you and what a shock it must of been. I am really sorry.
The only real way to deal with it is to grieve. That will come in waves, anger, sadness and what ifs. Feel the pain and process it. Alcohol prolongs it and makes it so much harder.
Be kind and gentle to yourself.
The only real way to deal with it is to grieve. That will come in waves, anger, sadness and what ifs. Feel the pain and process it. Alcohol prolongs it and makes it so much harder.
Be kind and gentle to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
I'm so sorry noaddedsugar. Grief is hard just been through it myself but this time I did not "pick up". I would, and have, in the past. 
This time I felt the feelings, and though painful, I grew as a person. You're going to be ok no addedsugar. I'm so sorry for your loss.
This time I felt the feelings, and though painful, I grew as a person. You're going to be ok no addedsugar. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 31
There is Nothing So Bad That a Drink Can't Make Worse.
Losing a pet or loved one is painful and leaves you hurt; you have two choices. You can deal with it sober and it will suck. Or you can consume alcohol to blot out the negative feelings to be replaced with an even sicker, worse version of yourself that won't be able to deal with those feelings. The alcohol free choice is always the lesser of two painful roads.
It sounds like you have demons that need to be dealt with. Counseling, AA, doctor's visits, various meds, rehab and other traditional treatment venues are helpful for this, which ones are best for you will be decided by going to a meeting, contacting your sponsor and notifying your physician. It's work unfortunately but beats the alternative.
The old way of thinking is an alcoholic cannot drink like "normal folk". The truth is that there isn't that much distinction as we think because all doses of alcohol are bad for you! Knowing it's bad for you discourages use from society looking at the tobacco example the rates have dropped a lot it's so discouraged now, but 1 on 1 someone wishing to quit needs to realize that there is no benefit at all. That's what keeps you stopped.
Losing a pet or loved one is painful and leaves you hurt; you have two choices. You can deal with it sober and it will suck. Or you can consume alcohol to blot out the negative feelings to be replaced with an even sicker, worse version of yourself that won't be able to deal with those feelings. The alcohol free choice is always the lesser of two painful roads.
It sounds like you have demons that need to be dealt with. Counseling, AA, doctor's visits, various meds, rehab and other traditional treatment venues are helpful for this, which ones are best for you will be decided by going to a meeting, contacting your sponsor and notifying your physician. It's work unfortunately but beats the alternative.
The old way of thinking is an alcoholic cannot drink like "normal folk". The truth is that there isn't that much distinction as we think because all doses of alcohol are bad for you! Knowing it's bad for you discourages use from society looking at the tobacco example the rates have dropped a lot it's so discouraged now, but 1 on 1 someone wishing to quit needs to realize that there is no benefit at all. That's what keeps you stopped.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of you cat, friend
and family member as I too loss 2 of my own several
or so yrs ago.
They lived a wonderful, long, happy life with me to the very
end giving them the best life I could humanly give them.
As someone who grew up with no pets, I never really
wanted any as an adult. However, with quite a few yrs
sober, a wife and mother of 2 little ones, my Higher
Power had a hand in allowing us to add 2 cats to our
family which were amazing gifts in my own sobriety.
When they did pass on, I felt a pain in my heart that
I had never experienced before. That emotional pain
as strong as it was, wasnt enough for me to want to
numb it with poison, alcohol or drugs.
I came here to SR and talked about it and let me tell
you.... the support, care and compassion from folks
here, lifted my heart and softened to emotional pain
and loss from grieving over my fur babies.
Coping mechanisms for me is prayers. Praying
and incorporating the tools and knowledge taught
to me about my alcohol addiction and a program of
recovery to every situation in my life.
To lean on others who have been there, done many
of the same similar things I have gone thru to carry
me until I am strong enough to carry on myself.
The loss of my pets was something I had not experienced
before in all my 60 something yrs. Not even the loss of a
family member compared to it.
Our pets give us that unconditional love like no other
and to loose that really hurts. However, like we have
heard sooooo many times thru out our lives, time heals,
and yes, it does.
The process takes time, so we stay busy, say our prayer,
work our recovery program, talk with others and most of
all dont drink.
Picking up a drink no matter how hurt we feel inside
wont make matters any better. Taking a drink sets us
back on that rollercoaster ride of doom. To drink at
anytime in my own sobriety, would either result in
complete drunkeness, craziness and even death.
It is not up to me to die at my own hands, so I place
my life into my HP for strength, guidance and care
along with the fellowship of those living a sober life
in recovery, because I dont want to go thru anything
in life alone or by myself.
SR continues to be there for me in recovery and
my HP is always there for my life.
and family member as I too loss 2 of my own several
or so yrs ago.
They lived a wonderful, long, happy life with me to the very
end giving them the best life I could humanly give them.
As someone who grew up with no pets, I never really
wanted any as an adult. However, with quite a few yrs
sober, a wife and mother of 2 little ones, my Higher
Power had a hand in allowing us to add 2 cats to our
family which were amazing gifts in my own sobriety.
When they did pass on, I felt a pain in my heart that
I had never experienced before. That emotional pain
as strong as it was, wasnt enough for me to want to
numb it with poison, alcohol or drugs.
I came here to SR and talked about it and let me tell
you.... the support, care and compassion from folks
here, lifted my heart and softened to emotional pain
and loss from grieving over my fur babies.
Coping mechanisms for me is prayers. Praying
and incorporating the tools and knowledge taught
to me about my alcohol addiction and a program of
recovery to every situation in my life.
To lean on others who have been there, done many
of the same similar things I have gone thru to carry
me until I am strong enough to carry on myself.
The loss of my pets was something I had not experienced
before in all my 60 something yrs. Not even the loss of a
family member compared to it.
Our pets give us that unconditional love like no other
and to loose that really hurts. However, like we have
heard sooooo many times thru out our lives, time heals,
and yes, it does.
The process takes time, so we stay busy, say our prayer,
work our recovery program, talk with others and most of
all dont drink.
Picking up a drink no matter how hurt we feel inside
wont make matters any better. Taking a drink sets us
back on that rollercoaster ride of doom. To drink at
anytime in my own sobriety, would either result in
complete drunkeness, craziness and even death.
It is not up to me to die at my own hands, so I place
my life into my HP for strength, guidance and care
along with the fellowship of those living a sober life
in recovery, because I dont want to go thru anything
in life alone or by myself.
SR continues to be there for me in recovery and
my HP is always there for my life.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I didn't try to figure out how long you have been clean, but anything less than about a month means the mind had yet to really feel the anxiety that getting clean generates.
That is when my hell ramped up. It continued to ramp up or drag on for about 6 months. Then it morphed into a slow ache with prolonged agoraphobia. Basically, insanity.
After about a year, I had seen 1 year of triggering holidays etc. it obviously started over.
Except now I had experienced most every trigger.
My latest trigger was my Dad's remarraige and this last Labor Day weekend. I won't drink over either. I love being sober too much.
I could not imagine poisoning myself with any kind of drug at this point. I will need to be very sick to even take an ibuprofen.
I just don't want that stuff in my body any more.
Thanks.
That is when my hell ramped up. It continued to ramp up or drag on for about 6 months. Then it morphed into a slow ache with prolonged agoraphobia. Basically, insanity.
After about a year, I had seen 1 year of triggering holidays etc. it obviously started over.
Except now I had experienced most every trigger.
My latest trigger was my Dad's remarraige and this last Labor Day weekend. I won't drink over either. I love being sober too much.
I could not imagine poisoning myself with any kind of drug at this point. I will need to be very sick to even take an ibuprofen.
I just don't want that stuff in my body any more.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
So sorry for your loss. I have 4 cats. The oldest is almost 22 years old...not sure how i'm going to take it when he goes. I think Kaily makes an excellent point in that we have to go through the grieving process and that alcohol only extends the grief.
This slip doesn't erase what you've gained. Get back on the horse and let it make you stronger!
This slip doesn't erase what you've gained. Get back on the horse and let it make you stronger!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Originally Posted by noaddedsugar 
I need better coping strategies than self destructing and drinking at my problems. How do you all do it?
Life isn't fair and it can be very painful sometimes. Drinking through it simply can't be an option. You have to change your mentality.
Pretend like alcohol doesn't exist (which, it won't if you'll change your thinking).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
While I was outside sweeping leaves I had company
from 2 neighbors with pets. To the back of our garden
of paradise there are several dogs that come to the fence
to bark, walk and possibly sit on there sit keeping me
company while I work.
Then to the side of us, there is their cat that comes to
visit me just about every day.
This cat, let me explain, if it be the Powers to be, sent
this neighbor cat my way in rememberance of one of
the 2 cats that passed on.
One day not too terribly long after both my loveable
cats passed on, i was working in my gardens when
there, right before my eyes was a black and white
cat that looked almost exactly like the one I had.
Both my cats, one Lucky and the other Gus where
brothers. Both domestic inside cats.
Anyway, when i saw this neighbors cat, i just couldnt
believe it. Then i thought, my Higher Power granted
me this wonderful gift to enjoy when he or she comes
to visit.
To this day, I still dont know this cats name, but I call
him Lucky because he or she reminds me of the love
I had for my own Lucky and Gus.
I suppose we could have gotten more pets, but decided
to hold onto the wonderful memories of all our pets over
the yrs.
Today, I was surrounded by the neighbors wonderful
friendly pets and can say that I am truly grateful for
the experience of raising my own pets and the love I
have for all of God living creatures brought to us to
love, care and appreciate.
It is amazing of all the gifts that come to us when we
live our lives accordingly and in recovery.
from 2 neighbors with pets. To the back of our garden
of paradise there are several dogs that come to the fence
to bark, walk and possibly sit on there sit keeping me
company while I work.
Then to the side of us, there is their cat that comes to
visit me just about every day.
This cat, let me explain, if it be the Powers to be, sent
this neighbor cat my way in rememberance of one of
the 2 cats that passed on.
One day not too terribly long after both my loveable
cats passed on, i was working in my gardens when
there, right before my eyes was a black and white
cat that looked almost exactly like the one I had.
Both my cats, one Lucky and the other Gus where
brothers. Both domestic inside cats.
Anyway, when i saw this neighbors cat, i just couldnt
believe it. Then i thought, my Higher Power granted
me this wonderful gift to enjoy when he or she comes
to visit.
To this day, I still dont know this cats name, but I call
him Lucky because he or she reminds me of the love
I had for my own Lucky and Gus.
I suppose we could have gotten more pets, but decided
to hold onto the wonderful memories of all our pets over
the yrs.
Today, I was surrounded by the neighbors wonderful
friendly pets and can say that I am truly grateful for
the experience of raising my own pets and the love I
have for all of God living creatures brought to us to
love, care and appreciate.
It is amazing of all the gifts that come to us when we
live our lives accordingly and in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
The alcohol free choice is always the lesser of two painful roads.
I had to accept that alcohol just added to the grief or pain, which was intensified while drunk and just as acute while sober. You can learn new ways to deal with painful stuff. Mine is running.
Sorry about your cat. Connections with our furry companions can be quite powerful.
-bora
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
I'm very sorry about the loss of your beloved pet.
I think that when you fully accept that alcohol is no longer an option, your mind will begin to find healthy ways to cope. Sometimes, shedding tears is all you can do. Music usually helps me by allowing me to feel sad, then lifting me up again. I'm glad you're back and working on your recovery.
I think that when you fully accept that alcohol is no longer an option, your mind will begin to find healthy ways to cope. Sometimes, shedding tears is all you can do. Music usually helps me by allowing me to feel sad, then lifting me up again. I'm glad you're back and working on your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
I can give you an example from two major losses, one I handled while still actively drinking, the other three years into sobriety.
When my dad died in 2010 I numbed myself with alcohol to escape the feeling of loss, the problem was I never truly allowed myself to grieve, I just attempted to blur my feelings, and each morning I woke up feeling lousy, and still dealing with unresolved feelings of loss.
My mom died the day after Christmas in 2018. I felt every horrible emotion associated with that loss. I cried, I leaned on friends and family, I posted here a lot, mostly everyone on here knew my mom was sick, and they supported me through her illness and death. I went for long walks alone to clear my head, I took the time to reflect on the memories of my mom through pictures and stories. It was extremely difficult, and still is some days, but allowing myself to feel all of those emotions has allowed me to properly grieve her loss.
You can get through the loss of your fur baby by leaning on friends and family, whether in person or virtually. Also, find an outlet that works for you, for me it is long walks to clear my head.
Sending lots of love your way.
When my dad died in 2010 I numbed myself with alcohol to escape the feeling of loss, the problem was I never truly allowed myself to grieve, I just attempted to blur my feelings, and each morning I woke up feeling lousy, and still dealing with unresolved feelings of loss.
My mom died the day after Christmas in 2018. I felt every horrible emotion associated with that loss. I cried, I leaned on friends and family, I posted here a lot, mostly everyone on here knew my mom was sick, and they supported me through her illness and death. I went for long walks alone to clear my head, I took the time to reflect on the memories of my mom through pictures and stories. It was extremely difficult, and still is some days, but allowing myself to feel all of those emotions has allowed me to properly grieve her loss.
You can get through the loss of your fur baby by leaning on friends and family, whether in person or virtually. Also, find an outlet that works for you, for me it is long walks to clear my head.
Sending lots of love your way.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Noaddedsugar - Of course it devastated you, & I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I grieve for a long time whenever I lose a pet. There were times I tried to drink away the pain - but it just prolonged the inevitable. I didn't deal with it properly & it was damaging. It's better to face these miserable times with eyes wide open. We're meant to feel the loss & it can't be avoided. I'm glad you're back to talk things over - you have some great & helpful comments here. I hope it's comforting to know we're with you. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: England
Posts: 315
Actually I have gone through so much "real grief" in my life over humans, I thought pet grief was over indulgence.
But 2 years ago I got a shelter cat, for a mouse problem actually, not company
Now, she's my best mate, I love her to death.
My condolences to you x
But 2 years ago I got a shelter cat, for a mouse problem actually, not company
Now, she's my best mate, I love her to death.
My condolences to you x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
I'm truly sorry for your loss of your boy cat, noaddedsugar. I probably know how you feel, wanting to drink and 'drown your sorrows', but it won't work. I lost my beloved cat just over a week ago, and I'm heartbroken. And what did my AV say? 'A drink will help'. No, a drink will sully and contaminate my memories of my beloved cat.
I know this, because I lost someone last year, and my AV said.......well you probably know. And I drank, and threw away two and a half years sobriety, on the back of the AV's lie, that 'I could drink moderately for a few nights, to take the edge off my grief, then stop again'. Lies, lies, lies...it took me months to crawl out of the daily drinking hole that I fell back into. Please stay strong, you CAN do it!
I know this, because I lost someone last year, and my AV said.......well you probably know. And I drank, and threw away two and a half years sobriety, on the back of the AV's lie, that 'I could drink moderately for a few nights, to take the edge off my grief, then stop again'. Lies, lies, lies...it took me months to crawl out of the daily drinking hole that I fell back into. Please stay strong, you CAN do it!
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