StartAnew68

Welcome Steve. Another UK-er here.

Noam19

Welcome Sharkez, I don't think you'll have to worry about finding enough people to connect with here! Best of luck to you.

Billymacintosh

Hi Steve
Another UK'er here, just passed 6 months after 20yrs + of excessive drinking with some great support from SR. Looking forward to seeing you around and hearing about your past experience as well as the many more to come, congrats on the week!
Love Billy x

kenton

Hi Steve, I'm in the UK too. I will have 4 years sobriety in just over a month and I have this site and the marvellous people on this site to thank for that. I check in every day on the 24 hour thread which means I spend a couple of moments every day pledging to stay sober for the next 24 hours. Sounds so simple when I write it down.... But for me, it works! The support here is incredible and it's wonderful being able to connect instantly with people who just get it. Before I joined this site I used to project all my anger and resentment onto other people in my real life. I blamed them for my alcoholism.... Why could they drink moderately and I couldn't? Why was I always the one wandering around in black out at the end of every night out? I felt like life was so unfair. Over the last few years, I've come to realize that my alcoholism is my property. I own it. It's got nothing to do with anyone else. I don't project my issues on other people anymore because I've learnt and I'm still learning how to deal with my stuff. So now I get to enjoy fantastic relationships in my real life and whenever I need to talk about an alcoholism-related issue, I come here. I don't expect the moderate drinkers in my life to understand my alcoholism any more than I can understand their mysterious powers of moderation. How do they do it, seriously? I can't do anything in moderation. I bought a packet of extra strong mints earlier .... Ate the whole packet so quickly, my mouth was burning. I can't even eat mints in moderation. Good thing is, I never have to try and fail to moderate my drinking ever again. Being sober is so much better than stressing about moderating. And it is infinitely better than being drunk. And when I think about it, that's my three states when it comes to drinking.... I'm either sober. Or I'm stressing about moderating. Or I'm drunk. That's it. Two of those states are horrible whereas sobriety has brought me the kind of happiness I used to see other people enjoy.... I never thought that happiness could be mine. Stay connected to us Steve. I look forward to not drinking with you

Sharkez

Fair play on the 6 months mate. I will probably write a blog on here once I have got to grips with the site. Hope things are going well for you

Sharkez

Hi Kenton,

How lovely of you to take the time to write such a comprehensive welcome and overview of your situation. Thank you so much, it is greatly appreciated.

You made me laugh about the mints and you are so right. I'm an all or nothing type of person as I suspect many people here will identify with.
4 years is brilliant. I spent the last year of my sobriety in an ambivalent state of mind and ultimately chose to drink again which has only made my situation ten times worse. I'm just grateful that I have finally found the strength again to pull myself back from the brink.

I'd love to discuss your methods and mindset being 6 months further down the line than I managed. Would it be ok to message you?

MaximusD

Welcome Steve, most people, myself included have much more success when we actively participate here and in our recovery. Looking forward to hearing more from you!

kenton

Of course! It might be good for me to think about my mindset... In a nutshell, I'd describe it as follows ...

1) check in on SR everyday. If not possible to post every day, I definitely check in as soon as my AV starts to whisper ..
2) always play the tape forward.. yeah, a glass of wine on an unseasonably warm evening sounds nice... Might even taste nice... But what won't be nice is waking up the next morning wishing I was dead, too scared to ask my husband what happened, mortified to hear what drunk me got up to, covered in mysterious bruises and full of self-hatred... And for me, that's where that lovely first glass of wine always leads
3) check in to SR every day.
4) become grateful. For me, I always thought I was grateful but it was only when I started doing some volunteer work that I really got to experience gratitude. Now I volunteer for the Samaritans twice a week and hearing about the devastation some people have to battle with everyday... Well, I don't throw myself pity parties anymore. Which is good because my pity parties always led to a glass of wine which always led to .. see no. 2 above
5) check in to SR everyday. Read posts in the newcomers threads. Remember that even though my last hangover was almost 4 years ago, my next hangover is only one bad decision away. Always remind myself that I haven't magically developed the mysterious powers of​​​moderation during the last 4 years. I will always be alcoholic. And that's ok. If I had a peanut allergy I wouldn't eat peanuts at Christmas or other special occasions because other people were eating peanuts. I wouldn't feel jealous of all the people eating peanuts. I just wouldn't eat peanuts. I'd soon realise life is ok without peanuts. Same with alcohol. I can't drink it. So I don't drink it. Once I accepted that ... Once I explained that to myself.... I've found it much easier to not drink.

Following this mindset has allowed something wonderful to happen. At some point I realised I want to be sober much more than I want to drink. I'm happier when I'm sober. I'm a better wife and mother... I'm better at my job. I help people when I'm sober. I'm not so caught up inside my own mind. And now I really know what it feels like to be grateful. Because I will never stop being grateful to sobriety for giving me a second chance at life

SoberInCLE

Sharkez,

I found going to Secular Sobriety meetings and getting to know people very helpful. I had been sober two years but isolated and that was harder. SS was less intimidating for me than AA.

SoberInCLE

Daytona1977

Hi Sharkez,

Another UK member here too!

I have been trying off and on for about 2 years now after realising I have a problem,

Just agreed to commit to thirty days with the support of my fantastic wife. This time with her support it now means something.

I’m only three days in but starting to feel normal and looking forward to finding myself again.

I too am going to join the class of September too.

Fingers crossed those time I can get everything going in the right direction. Would be great to connect and keep in touch with your journey.

Best wishes 👍🏻