Why Is Sobriety So Easy?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 31
Why Is Sobriety So Easy?
I slowly drifted into consuming more alcohol than I should have as manifest by >14 drinks a week and more than 2 in any one sitting. It never caused any major issues, no legal or health problems and my life always went really well. However the amounts over the years did increase and I wasn't the nicest. My wife was under the illusion that she too enjoyed imbibing (alcohol) and one stressful summer we were just not getting along that well, getting into heated but thankfully never violent arguments. Given the new evidence that there really is no safe dose of alcohol we decided to stop and it's been really wonderful ever since. I was always fit and active, and managed to lose 10lbs from an already healthy weight. I think that's an indicator that I still wasn't consuming enormous amounts of alcohol and maybe not enough to cause faster, more serious harm, but the biggest difference I felt is the days feel nearly endless in a good way. I feel so much more energetic, productive. I am partaking more than ever in various hobbies of mine that I love which are very seasonal and physical like hiking, biking, achery and kayaking. No matter what the weather I am doing something super active, work is going better than ever, and things were always good with the wife and fam but now they definitely feel like we are living to our potential.
We stopped a little over a year ago just by stopping. No legal means. No counseling. No meds, no visits, no withdrawals or detox, not even an urge or craving, nothing. The reward was an almost instant feeling amazing that kept getting better and we used to do lots of good things in our lives. In that time we went on a cruise and another trip where we could have and would have imbibed but did not. We went to a wedding and many dinner parties with heavy imbibing in which we did not partake. We were challenged by many stressors. We had a family illness, then a close friend was seriously ill and died; for the proceedings during the funeral and the visitors all imbibed heavily. Then the coronacraziness hit as well and it was good we were not drinking as we had to make a lot of changes that were very difficult but long term for the much better. It was obvious as someone I know who has been in recovery for a long time told me that "there isn't anything in a world a drink won't make worse".
It was wonderful to not consume any alcohol and this is a welcome change we keep making permanent. Looking back and taking a very honest look at myself I cannot even say that I was tempted to consume alcohol at all by any of the good, bad or indifferent times over the last year we abstained. I would have given us a "B" before we quit but now we're doing so well that we even motivated more than a few of our friends to cut it out as well with commensurate improvements in their lives.
What gives me misgivings is that it was so easy; looking back I feel like a total idiot for not having done it sooner. I work in healthcare and the story of an alcoholic is always troubled, sad and a huge challenge? I have had relatives who also didn't have bad consequences from their alcohol use but drank to excess and that alone is probably enough to qualify me as an alcoholic and at risk. Given the benefits of being alcohol free we are very enthusiastic about making it permanent but what has made it so easy. I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth and am grateful for how seamless the process has been but I from everything I know this is a very atypical situation. Life feels wonderful, but are we missing anything?
We stopped a little over a year ago just by stopping. No legal means. No counseling. No meds, no visits, no withdrawals or detox, not even an urge or craving, nothing. The reward was an almost instant feeling amazing that kept getting better and we used to do lots of good things in our lives. In that time we went on a cruise and another trip where we could have and would have imbibed but did not. We went to a wedding and many dinner parties with heavy imbibing in which we did not partake. We were challenged by many stressors. We had a family illness, then a close friend was seriously ill and died; for the proceedings during the funeral and the visitors all imbibed heavily. Then the coronacraziness hit as well and it was good we were not drinking as we had to make a lot of changes that were very difficult but long term for the much better. It was obvious as someone I know who has been in recovery for a long time told me that "there isn't anything in a world a drink won't make worse".
It was wonderful to not consume any alcohol and this is a welcome change we keep making permanent. Looking back and taking a very honest look at myself I cannot even say that I was tempted to consume alcohol at all by any of the good, bad or indifferent times over the last year we abstained. I would have given us a "B" before we quit but now we're doing so well that we even motivated more than a few of our friends to cut it out as well with commensurate improvements in their lives.
What gives me misgivings is that it was so easy; looking back I feel like a total idiot for not having done it sooner. I work in healthcare and the story of an alcoholic is always troubled, sad and a huge challenge? I have had relatives who also didn't have bad consequences from their alcohol use but drank to excess and that alone is probably enough to qualify me as an alcoholic and at risk. Given the benefits of being alcohol free we are very enthusiastic about making it permanent but what has made it so easy. I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth and am grateful for how seamless the process has been but I from everything I know this is a very atypical situation. Life feels wonderful, but are we missing anything?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, good for you.
I'd say count your lucky stars that it wasn't difficult for you to quit, that is not the experience of most of us who have become alcohol dependent. Maybe you just quit before you crossed that line.
I'd say count your lucky stars that it wasn't difficult for you to quit, that is not the experience of most of us who have become alcohol dependent. Maybe you just quit before you crossed that line.
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Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Originally Posted by Gcesp 
I know this is a very atypical situation. Life feels wonderful, but are we missing anything?
I've never heard of an acute alcoholic just breezing into sobriety.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,946
Might be a case of looking back in retrospect? I quit 20 months ago and looking back it seemed fairly easy, but if I cast my mind back there were some grim evenings. We’re all different and drank for various lengths of time and amounts. The only common factor is anyone who’s ever been dependent will be hooked if they start again.
I still get the odd weak cravings, and whatever anyone says I’m statistically likely to relapse at some point in the future although I’d say over my dead body. So, yes I disagree with the title too, sorry.
I still get the odd weak cravings, and whatever anyone says I’m statistically likely to relapse at some point in the future although I’d say over my dead body. So, yes I disagree with the title too, sorry.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
The way i see what it means to be alcoholic is 2 parts. First is sort of an allergy to alcohol. Once the alcoholic taste alcohol he or she can not control their consumption or actions. Not a one off where a normie goes sideways one night. I mean this is generally what happens when they consume. Many sessions can give the illusion of control though.
2nd is an obsession to drink.
I think the severity of these factors varies from alcoholic to alcoholic. I think there are different degrees of alcoholism. Some may be fine with little or no treatment. Different degrees may appear to function to some degree in everyday life over a long period of time. It would not suprise me if a drunk made it to CEO of a S&P 500 company. Some drink from the time they get up and do nothing but drink, the most severe. The CEO will have more in common with the most severe then most could imagine!
Different drunks require different treatment. From little or none to meetings everyday, service, the works.
A lot of us functiong alcoholics can be in danger. The AV can whisper to us that our alcoholism is much less severe then we think.
I would say sobriety is definitely easier then drinking. The trouble for many is that it's hard to read the label from inside the bottle. That 1st morning after taking a drink life starts getting difficult much more quickly. Right from the task of getting out of bed. It really is so much easier to just stay sober today.
2nd is an obsession to drink.
I think the severity of these factors varies from alcoholic to alcoholic. I think there are different degrees of alcoholism. Some may be fine with little or no treatment. Different degrees may appear to function to some degree in everyday life over a long period of time. It would not suprise me if a drunk made it to CEO of a S&P 500 company. Some drink from the time they get up and do nothing but drink, the most severe. The CEO will have more in common with the most severe then most could imagine!
Different drunks require different treatment. From little or none to meetings everyday, service, the works.
A lot of us functiong alcoholics can be in danger. The AV can whisper to us that our alcoholism is much less severe then we think.
I would say sobriety is definitely easier then drinking. The trouble for many is that it's hard to read the label from inside the bottle. That 1st morning after taking a drink life starts getting difficult much more quickly. Right from the task of getting out of bed. It really is so much easier to just stay sober today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 65
The reason sobriety is easy for you is because you are not addicted to alcohol, you have just decided to stop.
It would be easy for me to become abstinent of nicotine because I am not addicted to nicotine.
I suppose the only difference is I would not join a smoking cessation forum and post how easy i found quitting was because i have far better things to do with my life and I would see that as pointless, pathetic and a case narcissistic attention seaking. But you know..... horses for courses!
It would be easy for me to become abstinent of nicotine because I am not addicted to nicotine.
I suppose the only difference is I would not join a smoking cessation forum and post how easy i found quitting was because i have far better things to do with my life and I would see that as pointless, pathetic and a case narcissistic attention seaking. But you know..... horses for courses!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
When you reached the 14 drinks you seen a problem brewing and so you stopped before it became a real problem.
By the time I saw a problem brewing, I was already drinking habitually to deal with issues.
I think you made an excellent choice by stopping as early as you did. And so nice to hear about someone finding happiness without booze.
By the time I saw a problem brewing, I was already drinking habitually to deal with issues.
I think you made an excellent choice by stopping as early as you did. And so nice to hear about someone finding happiness without booze.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Gcesp, welcome to SR. I hope that you are able to find what you need to stay sober here. Most of the times I stopped, it was the staying stopped that was a problem for me.
I'm so glad you and your spouse recognized the problem early and nipped it in the bud. I'd wager a good number of addicted people started out with a process addiction (or compulsion) like you seemed to have had in drinking every day. I for sure did. From there, the drinking crept along steadily until it was not unusual for me to consume 14 drinks/night. Somewhere within the time frame in between those two times, I recognized that drinking was a compulsion, a really bad habit.
I'm not sure exactly where I turned the corner to enter that place of physical addiction, but even after I did that, I could stop entirely. The last couple of times, it was smooth sailing for 4 months, then for a single month. I thought I was doing great, but the need to drink came at me out of the clear blue sky. I now know it was a compulsion I was exercising in reaction to feeling a specific cocktail of feeling trapped and voiceless.
My guess is that you are doing so well because you and your wife did this together before you were in too deep and because you started reaping the rewards right away. That's really wonderful and I'm happy for both of you. I don't much care for most of the stories in the second half of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, but your story brings to mind the section captioned "They Stopped in Time." I don't think you're missing anything at all, but it's hard to know from a few paragraphs. That you are here indicates you have some level of trouble/concern. Look around, read up, be glad you didn't end up where most of us did.
And maybe check out some AA meetings. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop (stay stopped) drinking. We're not much for making comparison there - just supporting others in following some really excellent principles for living. You can find plenty of Zoom meetings by Googling "AA (insert your - or any - metropolitan area here)"
O
I'm so glad you and your spouse recognized the problem early and nipped it in the bud. I'd wager a good number of addicted people started out with a process addiction (or compulsion) like you seemed to have had in drinking every day. I for sure did. From there, the drinking crept along steadily until it was not unusual for me to consume 14 drinks/night. Somewhere within the time frame in between those two times, I recognized that drinking was a compulsion, a really bad habit.
I'm not sure exactly where I turned the corner to enter that place of physical addiction, but even after I did that, I could stop entirely. The last couple of times, it was smooth sailing for 4 months, then for a single month. I thought I was doing great, but the need to drink came at me out of the clear blue sky. I now know it was a compulsion I was exercising in reaction to feeling a specific cocktail of feeling trapped and voiceless.
My guess is that you are doing so well because you and your wife did this together before you were in too deep and because you started reaping the rewards right away. That's really wonderful and I'm happy for both of you. I don't much care for most of the stories in the second half of the book Alcoholics Anonymous, but your story brings to mind the section captioned "They Stopped in Time." I don't think you're missing anything at all, but it's hard to know from a few paragraphs. That you are here indicates you have some level of trouble/concern. Look around, read up, be glad you didn't end up where most of us did.
And maybe check out some AA meetings. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop (stay stopped) drinking. We're not much for making comparison there - just supporting others in following some really excellent principles for living. You can find plenty of Zoom meetings by Googling "AA (insert your - or any - metropolitan area here)"
O
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
I subscribe to the idea that alcoholism/problem drinking exists on a spectrum. So when I read stories here, I see my drinking past, or the future had I continued. Just because I hadn’t made it to the bottom of the hill doesn’t mean I wasn’t on the way down.
I feel very lucky that so many here are willing to share very gritty stories of the consequences of their drinking. I can learn from what they had to suffer, because with worse luck or more time that could have been me.
Your pattern of drinking reminds me of my late 20’s. It definitely escalated from there, tipping from coping mechanism into physical and psychological addiction. I might feel similar to what you express about quitting had I stopped before that shift.
Welcome!
-bora
I feel very lucky that so many here are willing to share very gritty stories of the consequences of their drinking. I can learn from what they had to suffer, because with worse luck or more time that could have been me.
Your pattern of drinking reminds me of my late 20’s. It definitely escalated from there, tipping from coping mechanism into physical and psychological addiction. I might feel similar to what you express about quitting had I stopped before that shift.
Welcome!
-bora
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2020
Posts: 31
Appreciate the replies thus far.
I don't think I was addicted but I know I was doing it too much. What brought us to quit was a combination of three factors.
The first is the trickle of articles that no amount of alcohol is safe turning into a flood, kind of like being in the late 50's/early 60's for smoking. The last year or so was in the news but the healthcare world has been in a buzz about it a year or two before that. We caught that wave.
Second was that we were doing it too much. It had definitely increased and was steadily on the rise. It wasn't 14 drinks a day for sure but it was well past 14 a week. We'd be pretty good during the week and it was a take it or leave it but weekends we could easily kill a bottle of wine each sometimes more. Not good.
The third was that it was causing problems. Not huge ones but as the kids were getting older it was harder and harder to keep up taking the to practice, getting work done, exercising because you need to do that. We thought we were just getting old. We were definitely not getting along as someone should with a life as good as ours, and we definitely weren't taking advantage of a life as good as hours for sure. Felt too tired too often, unfocused, cranky.
What got us started was just a taste of it not long after we got married maybe 10-15 years ago. Society and alcohol companies taking advantage of our own stupidity I guess. Me I am Italian like directly from Italy and you know how that is pushed. You start spending a little bit more on nicer stuff and it does taste better. Like buying a $700 bicycle instead of a $300 department store one but good wine is much cheaper, at least bottle for bottle. Long term it adds up to way more though! I would say we're upper middle class and upon reading in retrospect yes, life is good, we are stressed in this segment (who isn't) and after the fact started reading at this level almost everyone does it. It's subtle but a strong pull. Eventually there were small but certain signs we were being pulled in the wrong direction. I could have seen it getting much worse at this rate but the present over a year ago was not quite where we wanted it for how hard we were working and "trying" in life.
Like I said we both had relatives who either drank too much like we did or are currently doing so. It didn't rule their lives nor did it rule ours but the voice in our heads, just like the articles saying it's bad for you, kept getting louder.
As with everything to be as sure as one can be in life, I tried to find just one reason to keep consuming alcohol in the last year. One. I couldn't find one. But every day I have discovered huge benefits like being able to take more time to raise my kids not decently, but really well to be high honors achievers like we always wanted. They were in good classes doing good things but they too not quite achieving to their potential; last year they did with our full support. And me, I started exercising 1-2 hours a day every day, more on the weekends instead of maybe 1 hour most days which means doing the things I love often with my family which is a second benefit. I am finally kayaking and biking and shooting my bows as much as I want because I live in the woods surrounded by ponds and rivers with lots of rural roads. I am doing this nice stuff every day for as long as I can. Got an extra 30 min? I am out now having the time of my life etc.
Many of those we know also quit and have stayed quit but we don't know a huge amount of people. Once you stop it becomes obvious. The experience(s) we had are drastically different from the people I deal with in my work and what I knows to be a fact. Whenever I see this level of cognitive dissonance it's quite possible that someone is lying; I know for a fact that the addict lies to themselves but I cannot see how I could be deceiving myself on my own because things are going really well and was looking for either validation, criticism, or both as appropriate especially from others who are in a similar situation. I am looking to touch base with others who may have quit.
On the other hand working in healthcare it's quite possible that I see a skewed percentage. Just trying to be as self critical as possible. Since I feel I am doing as well as I can in life given the circumstances and am happy with the results, I don't want this to change.
I don't think I was addicted but I know I was doing it too much. What brought us to quit was a combination of three factors.
The first is the trickle of articles that no amount of alcohol is safe turning into a flood, kind of like being in the late 50's/early 60's for smoking. The last year or so was in the news but the healthcare world has been in a buzz about it a year or two before that. We caught that wave.
Second was that we were doing it too much. It had definitely increased and was steadily on the rise. It wasn't 14 drinks a day for sure but it was well past 14 a week. We'd be pretty good during the week and it was a take it or leave it but weekends we could easily kill a bottle of wine each sometimes more. Not good.
The third was that it was causing problems. Not huge ones but as the kids were getting older it was harder and harder to keep up taking the to practice, getting work done, exercising because you need to do that. We thought we were just getting old. We were definitely not getting along as someone should with a life as good as ours, and we definitely weren't taking advantage of a life as good as hours for sure. Felt too tired too often, unfocused, cranky.
What got us started was just a taste of it not long after we got married maybe 10-15 years ago. Society and alcohol companies taking advantage of our own stupidity I guess. Me I am Italian like directly from Italy and you know how that is pushed. You start spending a little bit more on nicer stuff and it does taste better. Like buying a $700 bicycle instead of a $300 department store one but good wine is much cheaper, at least bottle for bottle. Long term it adds up to way more though! I would say we're upper middle class and upon reading in retrospect yes, life is good, we are stressed in this segment (who isn't) and after the fact started reading at this level almost everyone does it. It's subtle but a strong pull. Eventually there were small but certain signs we were being pulled in the wrong direction. I could have seen it getting much worse at this rate but the present over a year ago was not quite where we wanted it for how hard we were working and "trying" in life.
Like I said we both had relatives who either drank too much like we did or are currently doing so. It didn't rule their lives nor did it rule ours but the voice in our heads, just like the articles saying it's bad for you, kept getting louder.
As with everything to be as sure as one can be in life, I tried to find just one reason to keep consuming alcohol in the last year. One. I couldn't find one. But every day I have discovered huge benefits like being able to take more time to raise my kids not decently, but really well to be high honors achievers like we always wanted. They were in good classes doing good things but they too not quite achieving to their potential; last year they did with our full support. And me, I started exercising 1-2 hours a day every day, more on the weekends instead of maybe 1 hour most days which means doing the things I love often with my family which is a second benefit. I am finally kayaking and biking and shooting my bows as much as I want because I live in the woods surrounded by ponds and rivers with lots of rural roads. I am doing this nice stuff every day for as long as I can. Got an extra 30 min? I am out now having the time of my life etc.
Many of those we know also quit and have stayed quit but we don't know a huge amount of people. Once you stop it becomes obvious. The experience(s) we had are drastically different from the people I deal with in my work and what I knows to be a fact. Whenever I see this level of cognitive dissonance it's quite possible that someone is lying; I know for a fact that the addict lies to themselves but I cannot see how I could be deceiving myself on my own because things are going really well and was looking for either validation, criticism, or both as appropriate especially from others who are in a similar situation. I am looking to touch base with others who may have quit.
On the other hand working in healthcare it's quite possible that I see a skewed percentage. Just trying to be as self critical as possible. Since I feel I am doing as well as I can in life given the circumstances and am happy with the results, I don't want this to change.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Welcome to SR, Gcesp.
It is good that you are enjoying total abstinence from alcohol.
You state that it was easy for you to stop drinking and wondering what it is that you are missing that made it so easy. It could be that you were/are not truly an alcoholic. Fourteen drinks a week, and especially more than two drinks in a sitting, may be over what is recommended by health authorities but it may not necessarily make you an alcoholic.
If, in fact, you are an alcoholic, be very grateful that quitting was so easy; that is certainly not the case for one who is addicted to alcohol.
In any case, and I am most definitely not suggesting that you resume drinking, it is good to hear that you find sobriety rewarding. Not drinking is certainly a healthy life choice.
It is good that you are enjoying total abstinence from alcohol.
You state that it was easy for you to stop drinking and wondering what it is that you are missing that made it so easy. It could be that you were/are not truly an alcoholic. Fourteen drinks a week, and especially more than two drinks in a sitting, may be over what is recommended by health authorities but it may not necessarily make you an alcoholic.
If, in fact, you are an alcoholic, be very grateful that quitting was so easy; that is certainly not the case for one who is addicted to alcohol.
In any case, and I am most definitely not suggesting that you resume drinking, it is good to hear that you find sobriety rewarding. Not drinking is certainly a healthy life choice.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
It's nice to have some variety in life, and this initial post is certainly different to most of the things we see on here.
Im delighted you're doing so well, I wish I'd managed to give up before alcohol caused me so much harm.
In one way I agree with you - it is astoundingly easy to give up! Just don't take the first drink. None of us NEED alcohol and most of our lives get much better when we stop drinking it.
But it's also quite hard for a lot of us, myself included. If it wasn't then AA would not exist, or this site. People would just give up on their own easily.
Im delighted you're doing so well, I wish I'd managed to give up before alcohol caused me so much harm.
In one way I agree with you - it is astoundingly easy to give up! Just don't take the first drink. None of us NEED alcohol and most of our lives get much better when we stop drinking it.
But it's also quite hard for a lot of us, myself included. If it wasn't then AA would not exist, or this site. People would just give up on their own easily.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome Gcesp 
I’m really glad you and your wife stopped, found it easy and are not feeling the societal pressure to drink again.
I would not worry about your experience being atypical. People give up all the time and I am sure some of them find it easy just as many find it incredibly hard.
You have given up for good clear rational reasons.
congratulations to you both,
D
I’m really glad you and your wife stopped, found it easy and are not feeling the societal pressure to drink again.
I would not worry about your experience being atypical. People give up all the time and I am sure some of them find it easy just as many find it incredibly hard.
You have given up for good clear rational reasons.
congratulations to you both,
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,010
Hey Gcesp, welcome to SR and congrats in that you probably don't need support to give up drinking.
You may well have the genetics that keep you from being truly addicted or maybe you stopped before it got too bad.
I'm a bit in your category in that I quit while my drinking was still relatively light. I was drinking more with time and am also a depressive. I had known for some years that I needed to quit. Like you quitting for me wasn't too bad. However I do still crave it and miss it sometimes.
A down side for me is that my life really hasn't changed. Partly because I hadn't gone too far down the road of alcoholism. I am pretty sure that I have changed my future by quitting. A lot of my reason for quitting comes from the people here on Soberrecovery who describe what it is like to have a life destroyed by addiction. I am deeply grateful to all of these folks who have showed me where I don't want to go.
Kudos to you for making the changes you have and I hope your life continues as well as it is going now.
You may well have the genetics that keep you from being truly addicted or maybe you stopped before it got too bad.
I'm a bit in your category in that I quit while my drinking was still relatively light. I was drinking more with time and am also a depressive. I had known for some years that I needed to quit. Like you quitting for me wasn't too bad. However I do still crave it and miss it sometimes.
A down side for me is that my life really hasn't changed. Partly because I hadn't gone too far down the road of alcoholism. I am pretty sure that I have changed my future by quitting. A lot of my reason for quitting comes from the people here on Soberrecovery who describe what it is like to have a life destroyed by addiction. I am deeply grateful to all of these folks who have showed me where I don't want to go.
Kudos to you for making the changes you have and I hope your life continues as well as it is going now.
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