New and struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 13
New and struggling
I've been browsing these forums for a little bit now and have had some time to gather my thoughts with a clear mind.
First off, I travel for work so I'm isolated quite often. It's difficult especially during these times as I'm not able to venture out into the cities I have to go to for work.
I have a very difficult boss that I work with. He is the main stress I deal with, but I'm sure just about everyone has a difficult boss. The problem with my job and my boss is that I'm on call 24/7. We take emergency phone calls through our cell phones for customers that may need some assistance. My boss takes that opportunity to call me whenever he feels like he should, which most of the time is something that can be handled the next working day. I feel non-emergency calls should wait until the next working day since all other office personnel have left.
I bring that up as I have figured out that is the reason why I reach for drinks. I get stressed, and I drink to escape and allow myself to enjoy a movie or video games. This has resulted in me being sneaky with it and don't tell anyone, and of course drink alone. This has caused a lot of tension between my wife and I. I have lied to her about the drinking, and this last incident, she called me and I had left my phone in the other room. She panicked and called my hotel room, which I had fallen asleep, and she had me facetime with her. There were beer bottles in the room and that lead her to pointing out that I needed to seek help. I'm not a religious, or spiritual person at all, hence me not wanting to pursue AA, and has made me do some research and here I am.
I had received a call from my boss today wanting me to reprimand one of the employees that reports to me. I didn't agree with him which lead to a heated discussion. I'll leave all the long details on that one out. What this leads to is that I wanted to go pick up some drinks for my hotel very badly. I wanted to escape the stress, escape my own thoughts and anger. I had music going in the car, screamed lyrics at the top of my lungs (I listen to heavy metal), I cranked it up loud, picked up some food, water, and a couple of cokes and retired to my room for the rest of the day. It took a lot of willpower to overcome that urge, but here I am now speaking to all of you and not giving in. I also have a lot of back problems so I did the exercises I am to do from physical therapy. I sat in the corner of the hotel room with my eyes closed and forced myself to stop thinking.
I've never been through anything like this before. I'm afraid if I continue down this path, I'm going to lose everything I love and care for. Sorry for the long post, but thank you for reading.
First off, I travel for work so I'm isolated quite often. It's difficult especially during these times as I'm not able to venture out into the cities I have to go to for work.
I have a very difficult boss that I work with. He is the main stress I deal with, but I'm sure just about everyone has a difficult boss. The problem with my job and my boss is that I'm on call 24/7. We take emergency phone calls through our cell phones for customers that may need some assistance. My boss takes that opportunity to call me whenever he feels like he should, which most of the time is something that can be handled the next working day. I feel non-emergency calls should wait until the next working day since all other office personnel have left.
I bring that up as I have figured out that is the reason why I reach for drinks. I get stressed, and I drink to escape and allow myself to enjoy a movie or video games. This has resulted in me being sneaky with it and don't tell anyone, and of course drink alone. This has caused a lot of tension between my wife and I. I have lied to her about the drinking, and this last incident, she called me and I had left my phone in the other room. She panicked and called my hotel room, which I had fallen asleep, and she had me facetime with her. There were beer bottles in the room and that lead her to pointing out that I needed to seek help. I'm not a religious, or spiritual person at all, hence me not wanting to pursue AA, and has made me do some research and here I am.
I had received a call from my boss today wanting me to reprimand one of the employees that reports to me. I didn't agree with him which lead to a heated discussion. I'll leave all the long details on that one out. What this leads to is that I wanted to go pick up some drinks for my hotel very badly. I wanted to escape the stress, escape my own thoughts and anger. I had music going in the car, screamed lyrics at the top of my lungs (I listen to heavy metal), I cranked it up loud, picked up some food, water, and a couple of cokes and retired to my room for the rest of the day. It took a lot of willpower to overcome that urge, but here I am now speaking to all of you and not giving in. I also have a lot of back problems so I did the exercises I am to do from physical therapy. I sat in the corner of the hotel room with my eyes closed and forced myself to stop thinking.
I've never been through anything like this before. I'm afraid if I continue down this path, I'm going to lose everything I love and care for. Sorry for the long post, but thank you for reading.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It was a great post, Dez. Welcome to SR - we're so glad you found us. We're a friendly, encouraging group who understand exactly what you're going through.
When I first came here I was so relieved to be able to talk things over with those who empathized. No one else in my life had my alcohol issues - they were all social drinkers who could have one or two & call it a night. At the end of my drinking career I never drew a sober breath. I drank nearly 24/7, with a life in chaos. Being here helped me find the courage & strength to get free.
Congratulations for getting through the stress of that work situation without alcohol. The temporary numbness never helps us the way we think it will.
Keep reading & posting - you can do this.
When I first came here I was so relieved to be able to talk things over with those who empathized. No one else in my life had my alcohol issues - they were all social drinkers who could have one or two & call it a night. At the end of my drinking career I never drew a sober breath. I drank nearly 24/7, with a life in chaos. Being here helped me find the courage & strength to get free.
Congratulations for getting through the stress of that work situation without alcohol. The temporary numbness never helps us the way we think it will.
Keep reading & posting - you can do this.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family. 
I got sober almost 11 yrs ago and don't regret a minute of it. 
I have never once woken up sober and feeling good and wished I had drank the night before.
Your boss sounds like a nightmare.
Can you speak to him, or anyone else, about letting non emergencies wait til the next day? That would make me feel resentful at being taken advantage of.
You won't regret getting sober. It's the best thing I've ever done for myself.
I hope our support and collective wisdom can help you achieve lasting sobriety.
I got sober almost 11 yrs ago and don't regret a minute of it. I have never once woken up sober and feeling good and wished I had drank the night before. Your boss sounds like a nightmare.
Can you speak to him, or anyone else, about letting non emergencies wait til the next day? That would make me feel resentful at being taken advantage of. You won't regret getting sober.
It's the best thing I've ever done for myself.I hope our support and collective wisdom can help you achieve lasting sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 637
That was a good post. I work in a very toxic work environment with toxic management. So I feel what you are saying. I too would self medicate to get over the stress. By doing this it only hurts us and the ones we care for. There are alot of good members here that will help with advice on past experience or even if you need to just vent to someone who understands.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 13
Thanks everyone for the kind and supportive words. It's been a quiet evening so my boss has let up on me for now. I have tried talking to him in the past about it and nothing really came of it. I even thought about quitting, but it's hard finding a job where I live that pays what I make now. I like that my wife doesn't have to work. My boss is older, in his 70's, so I am in this mindset that he may retire soon. I am waiting him out at this point.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
Stay close, Dez, you can certainly do this. You seem really determined and that's an awesome start.
No matter what we do, life is going to throw sh** at us sometimes. If you can find sobriety while in this difficult situation, you will gain clarity and the way forward will show itself. That is the probably the biggest lesson I've learned after 7 months of sobriety....sober time=clarity and better coping skills. It's hard to imagine in the early days, but I am proof, like many others here, that happiness in sobriety is possible. It is our birthright!
No matter what we do, life is going to throw sh** at us sometimes. If you can find sobriety while in this difficult situation, you will gain clarity and the way forward will show itself. That is the probably the biggest lesson I've learned after 7 months of sobriety....sober time=clarity and better coping skills. It's hard to imagine in the early days, but I am proof, like many others here, that happiness in sobriety is possible. It is our birthright!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
I'm glad that you got through that, Dez.
Your situation with your boss sounds really difficult. I understand you not wanting to change jobs and you said you've talked to him already, so I'm not sure what else you can do.
Your situation with your boss sounds really difficult. I understand you not wanting to change jobs and you said you've talked to him already, so I'm not sure what else you can do.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,945
Hi Dez, the working away thing resonates with me as it’s something I used to do. What I will say is that non-drinkers get stressed too (your job does sound tricky I admit), but they don’t drink. It’s only because drinkers are dependent on alcohol, that they feel the need to drink when stressed.
Also, the movies and games are fine, but do you drink whilst doing these? I ask as I used to watch TV and surf the Internet and lose track of how much I’d drunk. To stop drinking, I went out and did stuff, e.g. gym. To cut down/ideally stop drinking requires making a few changes and not just the drinking in isolation.
Don’t jeopardise your health due to a bad boss. Everyone who’s quit booze has come across pleasant surprises, so who knows? You might get a much nicer job.
Also, the movies and games are fine, but do you drink whilst doing these? I ask as I used to watch TV and surf the Internet and lose track of how much I’d drunk. To stop drinking, I went out and did stuff, e.g. gym. To cut down/ideally stop drinking requires making a few changes and not just the drinking in isolation.
Don’t jeopardise your health due to a bad boss. Everyone who’s quit booze has come across pleasant surprises, so who knows? You might get a much nicer job.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 13
I'm doing great MaximusD. I was actually thrilled to see someone checking up on me. I've gone a few more days with resisting and still going strong. It's helping seeing everything through different eyes, my thoughts are clearer. I've by no means made it, but I'm progressing I feel. My boss was a little difficult today and there was that gnawing that I wanted drinks after work. I had a lot of hard physical labor today which helped get my mind of of everything. I keep reminding myself how I've been feeling each morning VS when I drink. I've been waking up before my alarm and feeling great and not hungover. The day isn't over, but I've already laid out a few things that I would like to do which will take up all of my time before I need to go to bed.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Glad you're doing well. Keep it up and before you know it, drinking will be just a bad dream from the troubled sleep of your past. Every morning when I wake up feeling good, I give thanks for my sobriety.
Keep it up and before you know it, drinking will be just a bad dream from the troubled sleep of your past. Every morning when I wake up feeling good, I give thanks for my sobriety.
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