bobdrop

Thought last night was bad. Glad we're going home tomorrow. Really wasn't expecting it again tonight. Just keeping my head down and moving forward.

Dee74

Keep the faith Bob - think through the immediate and to the longer term.
Noone ever woke up wishing they'd drank last night.

At some point, for change to occur we need to make better choices.
You can get through this:sober
D

bobdrop

Thanks Dee. Made it back home. Hopefully won't need to check in again till I hit 3 months

Dee74

or you could check in every day and make sure you make 3 months?

I liken recovery to an engine - if you maintain regularly chances are you won't get stuck out somewhere on a dark lonely road.

D

Delilah1

I seemed to get caught up at that three month barrier in the past as well. I recently went back and read through my posts and right before I would start drinking again I had a post about distancing, taking a break, or an excuse why I needed to stop counting days.

I am now four years, seven months and a few days sober, and the thing that has been different was I kept focusing on my recovery, I kept reading and posting here, and I found healthy outlets for stress.

Make a plan now for what you will do if the thought of drinking pops into your head. Think about how good it will feel to hit three months, and then to have 101 days. You can do this!!

Delilah1

I am glad you are back RAL.

bobdrop

Day 70, ten weeks, and I think the last 4 days have been the hardest. Not sure I'm out of the woods with this wave yet.

biminiblue

You ARE out of the woods.

You don't have to drink ever again.

owen90

I love this, Dee. I'm going to write this one down

Congrats on the 70 days Bob. That's a long time, you're doing great.

bobdrop

Good to hear from you Bimini. I have always respected your discipline and honesty.

bobdrop

I am having a hard time though.

Dee74

Do you mean thinking about drinking, or lots of opportunities to drink..
or both, D ?

D

bobdrop

I don't know what I think. I just know that I'm an intelligent guy that has problems in his gut. Wondering if it is worth it versus my age. I'm over 60 now and know what I need to do. Logic doesn't always seem to rule the day even though that's what I have built most of my thinking around. This is one helluva disease and I feel fortunate to have made it this many years relatively unscathed. I'm a mess.

Dee74

I think it's worth it to see your kids and grandkids grow up
I think it's worth it to feel like you have a comfortable & relatively healthy old age to look forward to.

Most of all I think you're worth the effort - despite the BS your AV is telling you.

I was a mess too - now I'm not.

You don't want to be the guy ostracised from his family, drinking everyday, alone and unhappy like my Grandfather was. Thats what can happen when you keep choosing drinking.

He didn't even have the good luck to die young - he lived into his nineties.

Your AV will say yeah nothing really bad has happened from your drinking tho - but is that really true?
I don't think you'd have found SR and stayed here if it was.

Plus noone ever knows how much worse it can get. I drank for 10 years without too much obvious damage...then it got on top of me.

You started this thread because you always fall over around this point...and not having any experience of sobriety past this point make lies like
'I wonder how much life I have left anyway so I may as well drink...it's not so bad' sound reasonable...

but they're not reasonable at all.

Imagine one of your kids coming to you with that attitude - what would you say to them Bob?

D

nez

I am 67 and am younger than I have ever been and full of life. The real kicker though is the peace I know today. It is so worth every inch of the journey!

bobdrop

Thanks Dee. Really. I have no possibility of living into my 90's. I was thrilled when I made it to 60. Was not expected. My cardiologist didn't think I would see 40. Not making excuses(I know you will say I am) I always look at reality and have been prepared for cardio related death for over 25 years now. COVID just puts things in concrete. Could be anytime. Just by chance. I am generally happy not drinking and after 2 to 3 months, things build up and I feel the need to be numb. Then I come out of it and am good for another 2 to 3 months. How many more of those do I actually have? Once again being a realist. I'm almost to the point of just accepting things the way they are. If there were hope for a cure for cardiomyopathy, I might change my ways and outlook. I don't want to bring a negative spin to this site, that is so positive, so I will probably just become a reader. That does help too.

Dee74

I'm not intending to live to 90 either but I think a sober lifestyle and sensible diet could do wonders Bob.

The life expectancy for people with my disability is not that great but I'm damned if I''m not going to make the most of every day,
Thats what I call being a realist.

I'm betting noone in your family wants you to disappear anytime soon, and certainly not if it can be avoided

I really hope you can talk yourself through this defeatism.

A year from now you could be marvelling at how much better your life is and how much you're looking forward to the future.


D

nez

Amen to this!!!
I have no idea how many years I have left on this planet, but I am going to make them the best years of my life. My goal isn't to be sober, it is to love myself enough that I don't need to drink.

Delilah1

I am with Dee, none of us know how much time we have left in this world, but we all have the opportunity it’s to make the most out of each and every day!

MaximusD

I don't have anything to add other than I am rooting for you and have been following you for a few months. I think I started when you were in Florida visiting family if my memory serves and you were doing great. Please move through this Bob.