Those first days
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
I am sure you want to see your friends, but if you know the night will revolve around alcohol you might be better off skipping this time and making plans with them for lunch the next day, or the next time they visit. I did that a lot in early sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
That's a really interesting post BABM and a lot that resonates with me.
All I can suggest is that you don't drink today, and also that you put off the appointment with you friends to remove that obstacle.
If you don't drink today then you are giving yourself a chance
All I can suggest is that you don't drink today, and also that you put off the appointment with you friends to remove that obstacle.
If you don't drink today then you are giving yourself a chance
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I hear you, man. Based on join dates, I got you beat by a little bit on the road to quitting and based on my last drink I'm only a little bit "ahead" of you in doing this successfully. I do believe that old AA saw though - it doesn't really matter right now what happened over the last decade or more. What matters right now is that I am not drinking Now and neither are you.
I completely relate to your need for understanding and insight. It's the same for me. I'm not sure which modalities of therapy you've tried, but I would really encourage you to find a psychotherapist with whom you can connect. It's been a life-changer for me. Slow going, but I'm good with that - I've been with this guy no longer than I was the prior collective of folks who did nothing for me. (Not their fault - I just didn't get to what I needed to get to.) That sponsor I mentioned actually does seek to understand me. She doesn't agree with me 100% of the time and that's ok, actually good. I appreciate a person with a mind of their own. I appreciate a person who doesn't pile up the platitudes and is willing to talk with me about what's important to me. I'd already worked the steps by the time I found this person, but I knew when she said that for her the steps are fluid, I'd found my person. That makes sense to me.
I'm not sure what makes sense to you, but I want to encourage you to do a couple of things. Stay stopped come hell or high water. Knowing that I'm not going to drink really helps the anxiety subside sooner when it comes to call. Talk about it, write about it, wail about it (it = what's bothering you, really, not the craving - that's a symptom not the problem), but know you are not going to drink. The other thing is to really get busy looking for the right sponsor and the right therapist. I know, it's a pain in the rear end, but so is drinking day in and day out. Believe in yourself - you are deserving of the help that will benefit you in all of your uniqueness. We all are.
O
I completely relate to your need for understanding and insight. It's the same for me. I'm not sure which modalities of therapy you've tried, but I would really encourage you to find a psychotherapist with whom you can connect. It's been a life-changer for me. Slow going, but I'm good with that - I've been with this guy no longer than I was the prior collective of folks who did nothing for me. (Not their fault - I just didn't get to what I needed to get to.) That sponsor I mentioned actually does seek to understand me. She doesn't agree with me 100% of the time and that's ok, actually good. I appreciate a person with a mind of their own. I appreciate a person who doesn't pile up the platitudes and is willing to talk with me about what's important to me. I'd already worked the steps by the time I found this person, but I knew when she said that for her the steps are fluid, I'd found my person. That makes sense to me.
I'm not sure what makes sense to you, but I want to encourage you to do a couple of things. Stay stopped come hell or high water. Knowing that I'm not going to drink really helps the anxiety subside sooner when it comes to call. Talk about it, write about it, wail about it (it = what's bothering you, really, not the craving - that's a symptom not the problem), but know you are not going to drink. The other thing is to really get busy looking for the right sponsor and the right therapist. I know, it's a pain in the rear end, but so is drinking day in and day out. Believe in yourself - you are deserving of the help that will benefit you in all of your uniqueness. We all are.
O
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I doubt you're the only one here with a supreme erudite persuasive and manipulative AV. Mine was like that too and it set me up in advance many times - also sprung a few ambushes on me too, but thats another story.
I also doubt you;re the only one here who needs to really connect with a therapist or sponsor either. but all those things have to come second to your desire to be sober and so whatever it takes to be that way.
Be your own parent - I've been hammering this at you for days man
see...here's the thing..the AV is you.
Its not nice to hear that but it's true - it's a base, immature, petulant, impulsive visceral you - a corrupted version sure, but its you.
It may know all your weaknesses and secrets but it being you means you know everything it has to throw at you too.
If you - higher you, real you - refuse to go get the booze, refuse to drink it, refuse to even engage in dialogue there's nothing the inner addict can do about it.
Sure it will rage, it will try and send your anxiety sky high, it will pull out every bad feeling and every dirty slander it can to get you to drink...but what if you don't drink? what if you find hel;p and support to deal with the anxiety and the craving and the psychic onslaught?
what if you resolutely stay sober?
Its arsenal is done, its cupboard is bare.
you win.
D
I also doubt you;re the only one here who needs to really connect with a therapist or sponsor either. but all those things have to come second to your desire to be sober and so whatever it takes to be that way.
Be your own parent - I've been hammering this at you for days man
see...here's the thing..the AV is you.
Its not nice to hear that but it's true - it's a base, immature, petulant, impulsive visceral you - a corrupted version sure, but its you.
It may know all your weaknesses and secrets but it being you means you know everything it has to throw at you too.
If you - higher you, real you - refuse to go get the booze, refuse to drink it, refuse to even engage in dialogue there's nothing the inner addict can do about it.
Sure it will rage, it will try and send your anxiety sky high, it will pull out every bad feeling and every dirty slander it can to get you to drink...but what if you don't drink? what if you find hel;p and support to deal with the anxiety and the craving and the psychic onslaught?
what if you resolutely stay sober?
Its arsenal is done, its cupboard is bare.
you win.
D
PS: BABM, I am feeling a bit bad about some of my direct "tough" comments to you. I am kind of hoping that approach could help. I hope I have not upset you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
I cannot speak for anyone else but the only way I could get sober was making it the most important thing in my life. I am now obsessed with the journey, self development, self improvement, being with the world, enjoying life, loving myself and so on. Obsessed I tell you!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
I commend you for trying. I thought about it for about 15 years everyday but never once tried to actually quit. I tried once finally and that was 13 months ago. I guess when your ready to quit your ready. I know its cliche but its so true. Not sure what does it for different people but hopefully you will get so sick of it you will quit before it quits you. Best of luck to you. Just dont break down and pick up a drink when you think about it. Just dont do it. The urge will pass and you will survive for another few hrs untill the urge hits again. Just dont break down and drink. It really aint that hard if you really want it. Untill they you are just playin around. I know I did for a long time. Feels amazing to be rid of that habit.
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