zerothehero

I haven't had a drink in years, and it makes me sad reading about people relapsing and/or expecting, even planning, to relapse. I don't know if I could handle the current state of affairs in the world if I were still drinking or getting high. In early recovery I had to find healthy coping skills because numbing out was no longer an option. Well, it's always an option, but I don't look at it that way. It doesn't help. I've come to believe that, aside from what some call physical addiction, the underlying cause of relapse is that many of us are just not very comfortable in our own skin, we don't like how we feel, so we reach for something, whether it's booze, tobacco, other drugs, sugar, porn... The slippery slope is that these things work until they don't. Maybe at first they relieve anxiety or depression, for example, but eventually they become an added source of anxiety or exacerbate our depression.

Uncomfortable thoughts and emotions are like bears or mountain lions; when we run from them they will chase us down, and that's how we get devoured. Instead, we must stand tall, face them, shout if necessary, but do not, I repeat, DO NOT run. Until we learn to sit with our own minds, make friends with our own minds, maybe even enjoy our own minds, we will struggle. Distractions, avoidance, escape - these are temporary strategies that just prolong our inability to simply be. Like drugs, distractions provide relief, but they don't fix anything. I am the one person in the world I have to live with until the day I die. No other relationship is guaranteed. People come and go, leave me, pass away... But here I am.

Mindfulness, radical acceptance, Buddhist practices, meditation, sitting with the breath while thoughts, emotions, and sensations come and go without clinging or pushing away, without want or desire, without rejecting or judging my experience... these are the best relapse prevention skills I have found. I have long thought the drug war had it backwards. The problem is not the supply; the problem is the demand. Demand disappears when we are able to settle into ourselves and allow our experience to simply be without fighting so hard to change it. Making this an ongoing project, a journey without goal, is why I'm alive to write this. Epictetus said people are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them. So true. Maybe he had heard of the Buddha. Become aware first when we are fighting reality, then, turning our minds from judgement of ourselves, others, and reality, and simply allowing it all to be what it is, how it is. Breathing is all we need. Breathing reminds us we are here, in this moment, and that our experience is what it is. This is what life is like sometimes. Nothing is permanent. This too shall pass. Maybe we're actually doing a lot better than we make ourselves believe. Maybe we are the wardens of our own prisons and not the inmates, and we've carried the keys all along.

Surrendered19

Thanks for the great post zerothehero. Your words are very wise.

MissPerfumado

I love this. I incorporated spirituality into my recovery, as I did in all facets of my life.

I have come to the view that we are really all energetically One and that is why radical acceptance of all conditions is a way out of suffering. All of what we experience, all of what we observe, is part of us and we are part of it. Turning our focus onto a part of the experience will amplify it within our experience. So the energy of resistance is often less effective than the energy of allowance.

The power of choosing what to give focus to lies within us, within our consciousness. Mastery of our consciousness leads to mastery of experience. But mastery of experience is not for ego-centric purposes, because mastery of consciousness also involves the ability to detach from material illusions which, as you say, are impermanent. Instead, life can become a flow of experience not judged for what they might seem to be, but allowed for what they are, and focus can be given to the conditions that would improve the experience for All. Because ultimately All is One.

For me, seeking mastery of consciousness means rejecting the experience of drinking alcohol because it interferes with my ability to detach from the material illusion.

Dee74

I could not have gotten through this year had I still been drinking/using. No way.
Getting clean and sober has shown me how capable I am and how much good I can do.

I'm very grateful.

thanks Zero

D

zerothehero

Thanks, Dee. And Perfumado, I agree. In fact, it occurs to me that radical acceptance, egolessness, and the experience of oneness are inextricably linked.

brighterday1234

Fantastic post 🙏

Becoming comfortable in one’s skin; the essence of recovery.

Grateful to be sober.

Dropsie

This is 100% true for me.

It does not matter how we get there, but I believe the peace and acceptance you describe are at the core of all recovery methods. And it is why people who really take these principles to heart are in a better state than most humans.

We have learned the hard way the value of radical acceptaance and the cost of trying to escape ourselves.

C0ntr0ls

I'm grateful I stopped when I did because I don't know what I would have done during these times.

ImNotThatGuy

As someone struggling with a relapse during these difficult times, I can tell you that it's H*ll. Your post helped me see that I will be better able to deal with it with a clear mind. Thank you.

Steely

Thanks zero.

I don't go to AA, but you have shown us that the "promises" really do come true.

zerothehero

I only went to a few AA meetings in early recovery, but some of the literature has rubbed off. This Too Shall Pass, the Serenity Prayer, and many other words of wisdom found in the 12 Step approach long predate the early days of AA. I am a thief of wisdom. Anyone who has anything worth saying is likely a thief, as well... There's a fine line between plagiarism and simply regurgitating what we've learned.

Donnylutz

Absolutely - I started abusing alcohol because of my mental health. It worked, until it didn't anymore. Now that I'm sober, I got treatment for my mental health. It wasn't easy, but was much better than still drinking! 💙💙

silentrun

Thank you for posting this. I needed to hear some of your suggestions right now as I'm completely overwhelmed and fighting some anger. Drinking would be like pouring gas on this situation. If I were still using I would be done. Instead, I'm going to be forced to expand myself and that's always been painful but worth it.

Zebra1275

I agree. This year has been challenging enough as it is. Being drunk all the time would exponetially increase the level of difficulty.

zerothehero

I used to like rollercoasters. I wanted things to be exciting, so I would party, drink, drug, push the boundaries... I was a thrill seeker. But there was a shift when I suddenly realized I was spiraling out of control. Now, I prefer to have my feet on solid ground, I find my "thrills" in equanimity.

Jim1958

Great post zero. I also find philosophy helpful. The stoics and Buddha had it right I think. Many things that drive one to drink are temporary and seem of little consequence over time. I have had multiple jobs and something would happen and I would be upset and drink. The lost promotion, the insult from the boss, annoying co-workers. But let 10 years roll off the clock and you see what upset you so was really trivial and not worth drinking over. It is hard to bring that mindset to everyday problems at times, but worth the effort. Thanks for your thoughts!

zerothehero

Had a crappy day? Drink! And then say hello to a crappier tomorrow...

least

It is only in retrospect that I can see how damaging drinking was for me. I got lost inside the bottle and was drowning.

I still have most of my same ol' problems, but now I have a clear head to deal with them instead of getting drunk/being sick/getting drunk/being sick... ad infinitum...

Every morning when I wake up sober I am so grateful for that.

Great post!

zerothehero

One of my favorite things is walking my dog at sunrise. The air is cool, it's quiet, the homeless are all asleep, tucked in their blankets and bags in the grass as we stroll through the park, no one to bother us or get in the way. The sun reflects off clouds and sheds a pink glow across buildings and trees. I can hear the river flowing before it's drowned out by cars and trucks. The birds making themselves busy. So sweet...