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Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: midwest
Posts: 148
hello, you have already made a good start. There are truly some amazing helpful, non-judgemental people here who are all to willing to help. I would guess you are trying to give up alcohol. Me too. Remember how good you used to feel before the numbness set in? Maybe that is a good thought to start on. Friends are here for you. As AMA would say`Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: So California
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by mbtired
hello, you have already made a good start. There are truly some amazing helpful, non-judgemental people here who are all to willing to help. I would guess you are trying to give up alcohol. Me too. Remember how good you used to feel before the numbness set in? Maybe that is a good thought to start on. Friends are here for you. As AMA would say`Hugs
Thanks...and YES, I DO remember...on the occasion that I don't drink, I remind myself just how good it feels to wake with a clear mind...but that seems to only last a day.
I keep telling myself that I'm better than this...BTW, I think I have only been alcoholic for about a year...before my current b/f I drank only occasionally and within reason. He truly has taught me how to drink.
Thanks Again...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Hi there..
Welcome to the forum, this place is great for support... However, you should also look into AA meetings in your area, as I've learned over the past months -- face to face interaction with people that are serious about quitting is crucial in recovery...
Looking forward to your posts !
TG28
Welcome to the forum, this place is great for support... However, you should also look into AA meetings in your area, as I've learned over the past months -- face to face interaction with people that are serious about quitting is crucial in recovery...
Looking forward to your posts !
TG28
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: So California
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by TorontoGuy28
Hi there..
Welcome to the forum, this place is great for support... However, you should also look into AA meetings in your area, as I've learned over the past months -- face to face interaction with people that are serious about quitting is crucial in recovery...
Looking forward to your posts !
TG28
Welcome to the forum, this place is great for support... However, you should also look into AA meetings in your area, as I've learned over the past months -- face to face interaction with people that are serious about quitting is crucial in recovery...
Looking forward to your posts !
TG28
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Welcome......
Just looking for support to get started.
Guess I don't even know where to begin.
Guess I don't even know where to begin.
Originally Posted by mbtired
hello, you have already made a good start. There are truly some amazing helpful, non-judgemental people here who are all to willing to help.......Friends are here for you.
We all need support to get started; then to keep going!!!! The first step you have made by getting here.....SR.....its the best!!!! I or anyone will not pretend that it is easy to stop....I am a testament to that I regret to say. Addiction has two components....physical allergy and mental addiction. In my case I am allergic to the point that I actually break out in rashes etc. Very visible evidence of my allergy to alcohol. I am also allergic to dairy products. So to stop those rashes I dont touch dairy. I know I cannot eat cheese because I am allergic to it. So very sensibly indeed I avoid it. Makes sense so far????
But this is where it all changes with alcoholism, because the mental addiction requires treatment......and the first thing is to get sober! Get the head abit clear so that you can work on the mental component. This is where SR is your first step. You are now connecting with friends who share the pain and anguish and heartache and sorrow and despair that uncannily always accompanies our affliction. In my case and many others too - AA or some other recovery programme(s) are necessary if you wish to maintain sobriety...
Seek out meetings in your area and read posts on this site......its about Acceptance of Alcoholism (and a few other things...) combined with a willingness to put procedures in place to protect both acceptance and willingness. Addiction is a very tricky business and uses tools like complacancy and cunningness to give us false senses of security or even to deceive us into thinking we are cured. It is most destructive and wants us to fall into its abyss. AA describes alcoholism as Cunning, Powerful and Baffling. These words are meaning more to me each day....why do I continue to fall back into its trap for instance. Because I allow the insanity to invade me. When I totally adhere to a programme of recovery this insanity is quiesced but can arise and lies in wait like a thief in the night. Get well dear friend with others like you and I. Hope to see you post really soon!!!! Luvs and Recovery Ama
Last edited by Ama; 12-02-2004 at 07:45 AM. Reason: Dyslexic Author strikes yet again - oops.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: midwest
Posts: 148
Sorry to say this, but maybe the boyfriend should be a former boyfriend. My friends probably taught me how to drink, but I took it to a new level. They knew when to stop, and I just didn't. I do believe that genetics are involved. We can overcome it though, just knowing why we are who we are helps. Let's have better days.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: So California
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by mbtired
Sorry to say this, but maybe the boyfriend should be a former boyfriend. My friends probably taught me how to drink, but I took it to a new level. They knew when to stop, and I just didn't. I do believe that genetics are involved. We can overcome it though, just knowing why we are who we are helps. Let's have better days.
I am attempting to buy him out for his half of our house, which I have not lived in for over 8 yrs....the b/f had agreed to move in with me...I'm terrified that without financial support, I'll never be able to keep the house by myself.
It would be fine if HE knew when to stop drinking...it's like we feed each other with this habit....
the times we have been apart, we both have done better on our own.
Alcoholism runs in my family, for some 45 years, I had managed to be the exception in the family...now that the kids are gone, the husband has gone, it's easy to be comfortablynumb...yet this morning, I had actually decided that it really had become UNcomfortablynumb....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: So California
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by Ama
A warm welcome to you!!!! A thousand welcomes even
We all need support to get started; then to keep going!!!! The first step you have made by getting here.....SR.....its the best!!!! I or anyone will not pretend that it is easy to stop....I am a testament to that I regret to say. Addiction has two components....physical allergy and mental addiction. In my case I am allergic to the point that I actually break out in rashes etc. Very visible evidence of my allergy to alcohol. I am also allergic to dairy products. So to stop those rashes I dont touch dairy. I know I cannot eat cheese because I am allergic to it. So very sensibly indeed I avoid it. Makes sense so far????
But this is where it all changes with alcoholism, because the mental addiction requires treatment......and the first thing is to get sober! Get the head abit clear so that you can work on the mental component. This is where SR is your first step. You are now connecting with friends who share the pain and anguish and heartache and sorrow and despair that uncannily always accompanies our affliction. In my case and many others too - AA or some other recovery programme(s) are necessary if you wish to maintain sobriety...
Seek out meetings in your area and read posts on this site......its about Acceptance of Alcoholism (and a few other things...) combined with a willingness to put procedures in place to protect both acceptance and willingness. Addiction is a very tricky business and uses tools like complacancy and cunningness to give us false senses of security or even to deceive us into thinking we are cured. It is most destructive and wants us to fall into its abyss. AA describes alcoholism as Cunning, Powerful and Baffling. These words are meaning more to me each day....why do I continue to fall back into its trap for instance. Because I allow the insanity to invade me. When I totally adhere to a programme of recovery this insanity is quiesced but can arise and lies in wait like a thief in the night. Get well dear friend with others like you and I. Hope to see you post really soon!!!! Luvs and Recovery Ama
We all need support to get started; then to keep going!!!! The first step you have made by getting here.....SR.....its the best!!!! I or anyone will not pretend that it is easy to stop....I am a testament to that I regret to say. Addiction has two components....physical allergy and mental addiction. In my case I am allergic to the point that I actually break out in rashes etc. Very visible evidence of my allergy to alcohol. I am also allergic to dairy products. So to stop those rashes I dont touch dairy. I know I cannot eat cheese because I am allergic to it. So very sensibly indeed I avoid it. Makes sense so far????
But this is where it all changes with alcoholism, because the mental addiction requires treatment......and the first thing is to get sober! Get the head abit clear so that you can work on the mental component. This is where SR is your first step. You are now connecting with friends who share the pain and anguish and heartache and sorrow and despair that uncannily always accompanies our affliction. In my case and many others too - AA or some other recovery programme(s) are necessary if you wish to maintain sobriety...
Seek out meetings in your area and read posts on this site......its about Acceptance of Alcoholism (and a few other things...) combined with a willingness to put procedures in place to protect both acceptance and willingness. Addiction is a very tricky business and uses tools like complacancy and cunningness to give us false senses of security or even to deceive us into thinking we are cured. It is most destructive and wants us to fall into its abyss. AA describes alcoholism as Cunning, Powerful and Baffling. These words are meaning more to me each day....why do I continue to fall back into its trap for instance. Because I allow the insanity to invade me. When I totally adhere to a programme of recovery this insanity is quiesced but can arise and lies in wait like a thief in the night. Get well dear friend with others like you and I. Hope to see you post really soon!!!! Luvs and Recovery Ama
Thank-you for your kind words and encouragement, AMA!
And yes, there is a compelling part of me that says I CAN drink within reason...sometimes I actually do it, but as of late, it is MORE often that I DON'T...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
Originally Posted by comfortablynumb
Yeah, I hear ya....it's so much more complicated than that. Just went through a divorce Nov 1st, to a man who I was married to over 20 years.
I am attempting to buy him out for his half of our house, which I have not lived in for over 8 yrs....the b/f had agreed to move in with me...I'm terrified that without financial support, I'll never be able to keep the house by myself.
It would be fine if HE knew when to stop drinking...it's like we feed each other with this habit....
the times we have been apart, we both have done better on our own.
Alcoholism runs in my family, for some 45 years, I had managed to be the exception in the family...now that the kids are gone, the husband has gone, it's easy to be comfortablynumb...yet this morning, I had actually decided that it really had become UNcomfortablynumb....
I am attempting to buy him out for his half of our house, which I have not lived in for over 8 yrs....the b/f had agreed to move in with me...I'm terrified that without financial support, I'll never be able to keep the house by myself.
It would be fine if HE knew when to stop drinking...it's like we feed each other with this habit....
the times we have been apart, we both have done better on our own.
Alcoholism runs in my family, for some 45 years, I had managed to be the exception in the family...now that the kids are gone, the husband has gone, it's easy to be comfortablynumb...yet this morning, I had actually decided that it really had become UNcomfortablynumb....
Go on - You CAN and with SOBRIETY will overcome the greatest odds against you. You may not get what you want. How about that alternative of wanting what you get. Luvs and Recovery......Ama
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Originally Posted by Ama
.... Addiction is a very tricky business and uses tools like complacancy and cunningness to give us false senses of security or even to deceive us into thinking we are cured. It is most destructive and wants us to fall into its abyss. AA describes alcoholism as Cunning, Powerful and Baffling. These words are meaning more to me each day....why do I continue to fall back into its trap for instance. Because I allow the insanity to invade me. When I totally adhere to a programme of recovery this insanity is quiesced but can arise and lies in wait like a thief in the night. Get well dear friend with others like you and I. Hope to see you post really soon!!!! Luvs and Recovery Ama
Ama
You are so right and this has particular poignance for me today as I slipped yesterday.
It's not how much alcohol as an addict I consume, it's what it does to me. Well this recovering alcoholic is straight back to AA tonight. I will pray for guidance from my HP to help me find a sponsor and get on those steps.
I am also praying for the humility to make proper amends and the courage to change. If I can do this, I know I will find the serenity needed to lead the life I desire.
My thoughts are with you all here.
Rich
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: So California
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by Ama
Gosh how many sisters will I meet here in SR???? I have to do the divorce thing yet though separated 3 years now after a 20 year marriage too! When I left him I was sober.....a clear head resulted.....one that could think straight and logically! So despite 15 months mortgage arrears and 5 children and debts galore and never a cent maintenance from Bless Him (my attempt to be positive about my Ex) , I assure you I put positive action plans in order. These have worked as long as I have remained sober. But over the last year I have been falling more and more and more and find myself again in a financial mess. I know that sobriety is the key!!! I dont need anyone else. Alcoholics are amazingly good at forming dependant relationships. Read the posts!!!!
Go on - You CAN and with SOBRIETY will overcome the greatest odds against you. You may not get what you want. How about that alternative of wanting what you get. Luvs and Recovery......Ama
Go on - You CAN and with SOBRIETY will overcome the greatest odds against you. You may not get what you want. How about that alternative of wanting what you get. Luvs and Recovery......Ama
Well we certainly have some things in common...<wink wink>
My ex is truly a saint, in some ways....I mean that sincerely.....living with regret adds to my depression....and probably contributes to why I started drinking and have continued to do so....
As far as *wanting what you get.*....that's a bit more difficult...as I have grown older I guess I have also grown tired of selling myself short....
I let him live in that house, for all these years without giving me a dime....
I felt guilty about leaving....
NOW it's MY turn...so I will trudge ahead, KNOWING full well, that IF I were to stop drinking, it would be icing on the cake......but fearful that to let the b/f move in will NOT lead to sobriety.
:yelling
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
(((((Rich)))))
Go for it!!!! I will be pushing myself out the door too this evening - I know that I will get another day if I do that and you will too. Keep listening to those who are in honest recovery - it fills us with hope that we can beat this horrible disease.
But its one day at a time....or a minute if necessary.......Let me know how you get on cause I find that when I go with and true and open heart I am uplifted and given a strenght just for the day anyway that otherwise would be absent. I am just too weak you see!!!! We all our in the face of our addictions if we dont do the RIGHT things to get better.....hence we slip.....I will let you know how I got on too with another sober day
Luvs and Gentle Recovery to us all....Ama
Go for it!!!! I will be pushing myself out the door too this evening - I know that I will get another day if I do that and you will too. Keep listening to those who are in honest recovery - it fills us with hope that we can beat this horrible disease.
But its one day at a time....or a minute if necessary.......Let me know how you get on cause I find that when I go with and true and open heart I am uplifted and given a strenght just for the day anyway that otherwise would be absent. I am just too weak you see!!!! We all our in the face of our addictions if we dont do the RIGHT things to get better.....hence we slip.....I will let you know how I got on too with another sober day
Luvs and Gentle Recovery to us all....Ama Only by the Grace of God....
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Gratitude and Thanks
Posts: 83
UNcomfortablynumb,
Love that Pink Tune as well. It used to be my motto. I was always in search of something to become comfortably numb. Just like Roger sitting in that chair zoned out on the TV-what's the point, pink? When I first started escaping reality back when I was 14, I had a Jeep CJ-5, with a Bumper Sticker that Read "IN SEARCH OF THE ETERNAL BUZZ".
Thought it was cool to be drunk or stoned 24/7.
Oh, ya, there was a time that I could control my drinking to the "normal" 3 or 4 drinks. But "did I WANT to stop?" at the 4 drinks? heavens no, why would I, when 8 or 12 were so much more FUN
.
Now 18 years later, I look at the wreckage i've created in the past, with 10 years of an unhealthy marriage, 3 precious children 6, 4, 3 that will become warped if I I I I I I I don't do something about this disease.
so you know...I've came off of almost 3 years sober, have relapsed 3 times in the last 4 months and am now going to treatment for 30 days on Tuesday. It may be the only chance of saving my life and my marriage. Or I can choose to hop in my pick-up drive away and drink my life away, end up in the gutter in a monthor two, and DIE. THAT MEANS DEAD, NO MORE BREATH...
Sorry for the graphic description, but it is what is in store for us alki's - those of us who can't control AND ENJOY his drinking - it's either sobriety, institutions (jail or sanitariums) or DEATH. REMEMBER we deal with Alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful, (and patient) always waiting for us.....
I hope you find what your looking for...If you've thought that you might be drinking/using excessivly, it will be worth it for you to look further into the disease of addiction. Check out this board, or go to your local AA, NA meeting. There aren't a bunch of quacks there, there are people who are just like you and me: doctors, lawyers, mechanics, computer software designers, contractors, business owners, ...... pick your group, there all there.
Good luck and if you want any personal experience from me, let me know.
Sean
"Thankful and Grateful for Today"
Love that Pink Tune as well. It used to be my motto. I was always in search of something to become comfortably numb. Just like Roger sitting in that chair zoned out on the TV-what's the point, pink? When I first started escaping reality back when I was 14, I had a Jeep CJ-5, with a Bumper Sticker that Read "IN SEARCH OF THE ETERNAL BUZZ".
Thought it was cool to be drunk or stoned 24/7. Oh, ya, there was a time that I could control my drinking to the "normal" 3 or 4 drinks. But "did I WANT to stop?" at the 4 drinks? heavens no, why would I, when 8 or 12 were so much more FUN
. Now 18 years later, I look at the wreckage i've created in the past, with 10 years of an unhealthy marriage, 3 precious children 6, 4, 3 that will become warped if I I I I I I I don't do something about this disease.
so you know...I've came off of almost 3 years sober, have relapsed 3 times in the last 4 months and am now going to treatment for 30 days on Tuesday. It may be the only chance of saving my life and my marriage. Or I can choose to hop in my pick-up drive away and drink my life away, end up in the gutter in a monthor two, and DIE. THAT MEANS DEAD, NO MORE BREATH...
Sorry for the graphic description, but it is what is in store for us alki's - those of us who can't control AND ENJOY his drinking - it's either sobriety, institutions (jail or sanitariums) or DEATH. REMEMBER we deal with Alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful, (and patient) always waiting for us.....
I hope you find what your looking for...If you've thought that you might be drinking/using excessivly, it will be worth it for you to look further into the disease of addiction. Check out this board, or go to your local AA, NA meeting. There aren't a bunch of quacks there, there are people who are just like you and me: doctors, lawyers, mechanics, computer software designers, contractors, business owners, ...... pick your group, there all there.
Good luck and if you want any personal experience from me, let me know.
Sean
"Thankful and Grateful for Today"
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Morning all
((Ama))
Well I'm so pleased that I got to my meeting last night. It was so hard to be completely honest and admitting my failure. But I recognise that that's just my alcoholic ego.
People were really supportive (Why should I be surprised at that? LOL). For me now it's really working Step 1 again. Remind myself every single day that I am powerless over alcohol.
I won't let a slip ruin the work which I have done in the last couple of months. Just need to work harder at the programme.
I hope you had a good meeting last night. My thoughts are with you.
Rich X.
((Ama))
Well I'm so pleased that I got to my meeting last night. It was so hard to be completely honest and admitting my failure. But I recognise that that's just my alcoholic ego.
People were really supportive (Why should I be surprised at that? LOL). For me now it's really working Step 1 again. Remind myself every single day that I am powerless over alcohol.
I won't let a slip ruin the work which I have done in the last couple of months. Just need to work harder at the programme.
I hope you had a good meeting last night. My thoughts are with you.
Rich X.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: So California
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by Gr8ful1
UNcomfortablynumb,
Love that Pink Tune as well. It used to be my motto. I was always in search of something to become comfortably numb. Just like Roger sitting in that chair zoned out on the TV-what's the point, pink? When I first started escaping reality back when I was 14, I had a Jeep CJ-5, with a Bumper Sticker that Read "IN SEARCH OF THE ETERNAL BUZZ". Thought it was cool to be drunk or stoned 24/7.
Oh, ya, there was a time that I could control my drinking to the "normal" 3 or 4 drinks. But "did I WANT to stop?" at the 4 drinks? heavens no, why would I, when 8 or 12 were so much more FUN .
Now 18 years later, I look at the wreckage i've created in the past, with 10 years of an unhealthy marriage, 3 precious children 6, 4, 3 that will become warped if I I I I I I I don't do something about this disease.
so you know...I've came off of almost 3 years sober, have relapsed 3 times in the last 4 months and am now going to treatment for 30 days on Tuesday. It may be the only chance of saving my life and my marriage. Or I can choose to hop in my pick-up drive away and drink my life away, end up in the gutter in a monthor two, and DIE. THAT MEANS DEAD, NO MORE BREATH...
Sorry for the graphic description, but it is what is in store for us alki's - those of us who can't control AND ENJOY his drinking - it's either sobriety, institutions (jail or sanitariums) or DEATH. REMEMBER we deal with Alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful, (and patient) always waiting for us.....
I hope you find what your looking for...If you've thought that you might be drinking/using excessivly, it will be worth it for you to look further into the disease of addiction. Check out this board, or go to your local AA, NA meeting. There aren't a bunch of quacks there, there are people who are just like you and me: doctors, lawyers, mechanics, computer software designers, contractors, business owners, ...... pick your group, there all there.
Good luck and if you want any personal experience from me, let me know.
Sean
"Thankful and Grateful for Today"
Love that Pink Tune as well. It used to be my motto. I was always in search of something to become comfortably numb. Just like Roger sitting in that chair zoned out on the TV-what's the point, pink? When I first started escaping reality back when I was 14, I had a Jeep CJ-5, with a Bumper Sticker that Read "IN SEARCH OF THE ETERNAL BUZZ". Thought it was cool to be drunk or stoned 24/7.
Oh, ya, there was a time that I could control my drinking to the "normal" 3 or 4 drinks. But "did I WANT to stop?" at the 4 drinks? heavens no, why would I, when 8 or 12 were so much more FUN
. Now 18 years later, I look at the wreckage i've created in the past, with 10 years of an unhealthy marriage, 3 precious children 6, 4, 3 that will become warped if I I I I I I I don't do something about this disease.
so you know...I've came off of almost 3 years sober, have relapsed 3 times in the last 4 months and am now going to treatment for 30 days on Tuesday. It may be the only chance of saving my life and my marriage. Or I can choose to hop in my pick-up drive away and drink my life away, end up in the gutter in a monthor two, and DIE. THAT MEANS DEAD, NO MORE BREATH...
Sorry for the graphic description, but it is what is in store for us alki's - those of us who can't control AND ENJOY his drinking - it's either sobriety, institutions (jail or sanitariums) or DEATH. REMEMBER we deal with Alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful, (and patient) always waiting for us.....
I hope you find what your looking for...If you've thought that you might be drinking/using excessivly, it will be worth it for you to look further into the disease of addiction. Check out this board, or go to your local AA, NA meeting. There aren't a bunch of quacks there, there are people who are just like you and me: doctors, lawyers, mechanics, computer software designers, contractors, business owners, ...... pick your group, there all there.
Good luck and if you want any personal experience from me, let me know.
Sean
"Thankful and Grateful for Today"
Thanks for sharing,,it helps!
I suppose I shouldn't do the comparison thing, as I know that I will always find those who are better and those who are worse.
My kids are all grown and gone...that may be part of the problem...I have so much more time than I ever did before and well, frankly, after raising three kids, life becomes somewhat boring. Landing with a guy who has drank all his life, over a period of time, it just rubbed off on me, I guess. I'm not blaming him, don't get me wrong....I take complete responsibility for my own drinking.
I've never felt close to death, but have felt disgusted with myself for how I felt the day after. I didn't drink yesterday...one day seems easy..NOW today is Friday, the day where I usually give myself permission to go overboard since I can sleep in tomorrow. I have bargained with myself and failed so often, I think it has become commonplace. By that, I mean that I keep telling myself that if I would just limit myself to drinking Fri and Sat, the rest of the week I should abstain. I used to do that with no problem. Now it seems a struggle. So the bargaining continues..well maybe if during the week, I could limit myself to one or two drinks..sometimes I can do that and sometimes I don't. Has anyone else noticed? For me, I can more easily resist when I am not hungry. Seems I use alcohol most often when I am hungry. I don't drink at all during the day, just at night. I think I am probably fooling myself, but I keep thinking that I could once again become the moderate drinker I used to be. *shrug*
I also know that if I wasn't with someone who drinks a lot it would also be easier. I guess we all want it to be easy.
Last night I even fixed a drink for the b/f and did not feel tempted to drink with him, as I had made up my mind beforehand that I wouldn't.
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