Is there any solution? (dating a heroin addict)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 4
Is there any solution? (dating a heroin addict)
Hi I've been in a relationship with a heroin addict for the past 5 years... I discovered he was a heroin addict about a year into the relationship after falling deeply in love with him,
he relapsed shortly after me finding this out, I stuck by him thinking I could "help" him get clean then I stuck by him after he went to prison for almost two years I loyally waited for him to get out believing his promise to stay clean and we could finally have the relationship I wanted with him
About six months after he got out he was back on heroin, not shooting up yet but smoking it. I live with him and this time around I do NOT want to go along for the ride with him. I'm over it.
He has tried to detox on his own numerous times since relapsing each time failing and each time refusing professional help(although he wants to go to rehab that's reserved for the rich)
Watching him go back and fourth with this has been hell. The biggest reason we are still together is not only that we live together and I can't afford to break the lease, but the biggest reason is that when I talk to him about how I am going to move to my own place and we will break up, he says he will start shooting up again and kill him self through overdose,
I know this emotional abuse and that it is not my responsibility but despite that, the fact is walking away and willingly taking the risk of him dying, knowing that him losing me (the only person in his life) will 100% spiral him into an ungodly depression binge at the very least with an extremely high chance of him overdosing and dying, the fact that the chance is SO HIGH..I want so badly to wait until he gets clean then once he is in a good place try to peacefully go our seperate ways but waiting for that to happen could be years and I don't know what to do, my main question is, how do you walk away knowing doing so is putting the love of your life at SUCH a high risk of dying? Any type of advice from someone who has been through this situation is greatly appreciated.
he relapsed shortly after me finding this out, I stuck by him thinking I could "help" him get clean then I stuck by him after he went to prison for almost two years I loyally waited for him to get out believing his promise to stay clean and we could finally have the relationship I wanted with him
About six months after he got out he was back on heroin, not shooting up yet but smoking it. I live with him and this time around I do NOT want to go along for the ride with him. I'm over it.
He has tried to detox on his own numerous times since relapsing each time failing and each time refusing professional help(although he wants to go to rehab that's reserved for the rich)
Watching him go back and fourth with this has been hell. The biggest reason we are still together is not only that we live together and I can't afford to break the lease, but the biggest reason is that when I talk to him about how I am going to move to my own place and we will break up, he says he will start shooting up again and kill him self through overdose,
I know this emotional abuse and that it is not my responsibility but despite that, the fact is walking away and willingly taking the risk of him dying, knowing that him losing me (the only person in his life) will 100% spiral him into an ungodly depression binge at the very least with an extremely high chance of him overdosing and dying, the fact that the chance is SO HIGH..I want so badly to wait until he gets clean then once he is in a good place try to peacefully go our seperate ways but waiting for that to happen could be years and I don't know what to do, my main question is, how do you walk away knowing doing so is putting the love of your life at SUCH a high risk of dying? Any type of advice from someone who has been through this situation is greatly appreciated.
Last edited by Dee74; 04-19-2020 at 11:52 PM. Reason: replaced with newer post and title.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi and welcome HelpMe2020 
This doesn't sound like a situation thats enriching you - quite the opposite.
Its tough when the one we love is on a trajectory towards self destruction - but there's nothing to say you hav to wait around til the crash.
Threats of suicide and other forms of emotional blackmail are not a good reason to stay somewhere you really don't want to be.
If you want to get out, I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to start making plans to do that.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...how-leave.html (How to leave)
D
This doesn't sound like a situation thats enriching you - quite the opposite.
Its tough when the one we love is on a trajectory towards self destruction - but there's nothing to say you hav to wait around til the crash.
Threats of suicide and other forms of emotional blackmail are not a good reason to stay somewhere you really don't want to be.
If you want to get out, I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to start making plans to do that.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...how-leave.html (How to leave)
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Welcome.
I suspect there will never be a good time to leave? Even when he gets clean (if he gets clean) he will most probably say he will go back to using heavy amounts again if you go in order to cope (and overdose... and die....)
I think you should leave as soon as you’re able.
I suspect there will never be a good time to leave? Even when he gets clean (if he gets clean) he will most probably say he will go back to using heavy amounts again if you go in order to cope (and overdose... and die....)
I think you should leave as soon as you’re able.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 4
I had wrote this thread really fast in a hurry and realized I hadn't properly written it and misworded sentences, so I tried to make a new one because there is no option to delete or edit this post but my new one was removed, what do I do?
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Everything I have learned about addicts that relapse and get suicidal, clean up, relapse....etc etc. seems to turn out bad.
The easy answer is do whatever you can to separate yourself. Your energy levels will only get worse as the scenario plays out.
He says he wants to get clean, which is a start. I think heroin addiction is worse than booze addiction. The half life is way longer sometimes with drugs.
Trying to help him and hoping to not be impacted is like trying to wash a baby and not get my hands wet. Impossible.
I figure it is either all in or all out. Either way it is a huge drain and will cause tons of stress.
Close to worst case is be ready to lose it all and have him turn on you in a blackout situation. Worst case is you get physically hurt or worse.
Thanks.
The easy answer is do whatever you can to separate yourself. Your energy levels will only get worse as the scenario plays out.
He says he wants to get clean, which is a start. I think heroin addiction is worse than booze addiction. The half life is way longer sometimes with drugs.
Trying to help him and hoping to not be impacted is like trying to wash a baby and not get my hands wet. Impossible.
I figure it is either all in or all out. Either way it is a huge drain and will cause tons of stress.
Close to worst case is be ready to lose it all and have him turn on you in a blackout situation. Worst case is you get physically hurt or worse.
Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Waiting for your boyfriend to recover could mean waiting forever. There may never be a good time for you to leave. I hope that you value yourself enough to step away, with the hope that your boyfriend will seek support for his addiction.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
No that, whether you leave him or not, it is not your fault if he dies.
Threatening suicide if you leave is not a reason to stay; it's a reason to leave. It sounds harsh, but think about what he is laying on you. Not okay. Not your responsibility. No one in this world with any sense would fault you for leaving or for his choices.
Threatening suicide if you leave is not a reason to stay; it's a reason to leave. It sounds harsh, but think about what he is laying on you. Not okay. Not your responsibility. No one in this world with any sense would fault you for leaving or for his choices.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Re: Is there any solution? (dating a heroin addict)
Please don't think you can save him. That's up to him, not you. And it seems like he's going down. Don't let him drag you down with him. Let go or be dragged. 
Please think of yourself and do what's right for you. 
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Please think of yourself and do what's right for you. <br>
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