NONIA

I stayed sober for 2 years . On and off the wagon now .

I went to rehab many times .

I am glad you posted here .

Dascha

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Dascha

I have a hard time believing that....it happened to me almost immediately when I started attending AA...in more than one group.

One of the reasons I will not go again...

Hi StuckInMyHead! Stick around, join us in the April 2020 thread, so happy you are here ☺

Delilah1

Welcome to SR!! I joined this site in 2012, and after a few years where I alternated between stretches of sobriety and failed attempts at moderation I took my last drink December 31, 2015. Four and a quarter years later and I wouldn’t trade my sobriety for anything.

Try logging on and reading and posting each day, it really helps. Join the April of 2020 class, it helps having people at the same point in recovery. Also, check in each day on the 24 hour thread, you’ll meet a great group of people!

Delilah1

I hope you’ll decide to stay on, two years definitely would have shown you how great sobriety is.

StuckInMyHead

Want to thank everyone for the comments to my post. I was under the impression that I would receive some sort of email notification when someone responded to my post so I haven’t checked backed in as I thought I’d either posted in the wrong section of the forum or what I posted didn’t resonate with others. Boy was I wrong! The advise, encouragement and ideas shared mean quite a lot to me.

I’m happy to report that I’m still going strong (day 40, I think) despite increased cravings. I’ve since reengaged with my wonderful therapist and decided to have an open and extended conversation with my wife about how I was feeling. She has been tremendously supportive but she does have a glass or two of wine a few nights a week, which at this point, does bother me...so I told her. I’ve committed to tell her how I’m feeling each day and she agreed not to get offended or defensive if I ask her not to drink on a specific day due to me being in a fragile headspace. God I love that woman!

Despite all that, the cravings today have been brutal but reading the responses to my original post and reflecting on those words has helped. Also, I’ve planned out my full day so I stay busy. Just have to get through the day. Will worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. One day at a time. Thanks again for all of the support.

Witsyrm

I wanted to thank you for posting your story. I’m so very new to recovery, so I don’t have much advice, as a I am learning, but what I can offer is encouragement and empathy. I know where you have been and want you to know that others have been (are there) too. You are not alone in this mightiest of struggles. You can do this and the reward is your life back.

StuckInMyHead

Thanks, Witsyrm. I’ve been at it for two years and I still feel “new” to recovery for some reason. But that “new” feeling gives me hope that my mind and soul aren’t by any means ready to throw in the towel. I’m hoping that being around others, even virtually, will give me an outlet to share my highs and lows while also keeping the perspective that I’m not alone. The alcohol wants me to believe that I’m helpless and alone, but I know I’m not.

StuckInMyHead

2 years is a heck of a stretch! Anything in particular that lead to your relapse?

My concern with my repeated relapses is that my body very quickly starts to 100% depend on the alcohol after just a few days of drinking. It gets to the point where I get violently ill if go more than 2-3 hrs without a significant drink of straight alcohol and a massive headache starts as soon as I start to come down even a little. By that point the physical pain of even the slightest amount of withdrawal forces me back into at least one bottle of vodka a day or more, drinking pretty much anytime I’m awake just to keep going. Then I have that “come to Jesus moment”, go through a brutal detox and swear off the drink only to repeat the cycle in 30-60 days. Isn’t that the definition of insanity? I’m back on the “wagon” and I hope you’ll join me. I need all the help I can get!

Houstin

I think a lot of people beat themselves up with there past. I certainly know I did. At first I would go back a few years and go over stuff that had happened to me or I had done, then I would go back further than that and find even more stuff . In the end I had gone right back to the beginning of my life and played it all back over and over and over again, trying to fix it in some messed up way.... I believe they call that 'depression'.

Then I totally shifted after a few years and started looking ahead by a few weeks, I would imagine myself completely broken somewhere, then I shifted time again and went forward a few years, I could see myself in such a mess I was homeless, drunk and depressed, then I was dead...I believe they call that 'anxiety'

This was all up to the moment I posted on here last year and I wasn't even looking for help, well not the sort of help everybody seems to be seeking here. All I wanted was somebody to tell me how I could stop sending Emails and Texts out when in blackout stages. But from the moment I posted was the moment everybody here swooped in and grabbed me whilst I was freefalling into a bottomless pit. They challenged every little thing about me and never once gave up. I stopped drinking that day. I would do what I did and just put the whole thing out there, start from the very start. Somehow it opens up doors like I never imagined could be opened, and I had seen a lot of therapists over the years and spoken out loads.

This place really does work like some kind of magic and though I had a wobble recently, I posted here and they caught me before I even had the chance to start falling again. You've just got to trust it, put it all out there and keep going!

Oregongirlsite

[QUOTE=FeelingGreat;7425621]Well you certainly can write. What a great post.

What stuck out for me was that you're having trouble with acceptance that you won't ever drink again. I got round this by committing myself to 1 year sober. When the year came around, considering that I much preferred by sober life and the cravings had stopped, I just kept going. If you think you can make it through to a year, this might be helpful.
Thanks for this. Your “one year sober” commitment resonates with me.Â

Steely

I found when I let it go, I didn't have to stick to it. Unstuck.