This time I must say I feel good about it and secure in my decision. After the other day of giving it yet again another try stupidly the next day I flushed my drugs and poured my booze and then I actually deleted my drug dealer number and he actually lives two blocks behind my house way too convenient so that has not been helping!

over the past two years I have deleted his number several times but there was always a way that when I went back into my call log I would find random numbers I would look at the last day and approximate time that I called him and I would find it and one time I even found it in the Google cloud of my backup numbers... Well this time I deleted my whole entire call log and my whole entire text log and all my backup numbers and I don't know anyone else who knows his number or knows where to get drugs.​​​

On my last stint of 59 days I never deleted his number or got rid of my booze because the way that I saw it if you're going to quit something you're going to quit something regardless if you have the ability to do it or not the way that I was thinking about it it was a cop out to just delete a number and then think that's going to solve all the problems but the reality is every time I try to quit on my sixth or seventh day I end up calling my dealer and then when I get high I like to drink. When I'm not high I don't even like to drink and I can only drink no more than two drinks and then I crave drugs and if I can't get drugs then I just stop drinking because it's too boring. All that to say drugs is the gateway to my drinking and it feels good not being able to get it (easily anyway)

I know a time will come when i may see him in passing or perhaps come into contact with someone who drinks or uses again and then that will be my test to say no... Hopefully by then i will be much stronger and be able to resist... Cop out or not it feels extremely freeing knowing i cant have a craving tomorrow and get instant delivery. To me the option is just gone.... Just getting over the initial anxiety and sleep issues. Usually after day 5 is when i start to feel more like myself.

Today i had a bad day and i would have made that call if i still had the number. It has passed now and i feel fine...


​I know that was long winded... Just glad to be here and that i jumped right back on the wagon after the other day. I plan to be active here daily, thanks for listening!

Each time we get back up and try, we grow and get closer to success. Sounds like you are indeed learning growing. Keep it up! 👍🏻💗