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How to think about juggling lifes needs?

Old 02-27-2020, 12:05 AM
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How to think about juggling lifes needs?

Hey all -

Unfortunately am on Day 2 again, after a very long bender.

It's seem to have changed, I used to go out all the time on these benders, but now its progressed to trying to hide it alone, in house - and not being able to stop very easily at ALL (wonder if this is common)?

I'm developing a new plan, and drinking lots of water, etc. Thankfully, it doesn't seem TOO bad this time besides foggy mind, anxiety (although day 1 was pretty bad).

Anyway -

I'm wondering how you guys make think about juggling life needs in early days.

I feel super overwhelmed because in that bender, I obviously slacked off on anything - fell out of the gym, work, everything pretty much.

Feeling like I'm tugging between focusing on beginning days while trying to upkeep all life necessities before.

Because I can hardly focus/think on day 2 - which makes it feel even more overwhelming because I can hardly do what I need.

I'm trying to catch up with work, debloat because I'm now quite bloated lol, upkeeping some relationships, etc. Have a LOT of cleaning and laundry to do bc I also neglected it.

At the same time, feeling bad about myself for losing it again - life was going well on all fronts before the relapse, and just beating myself over it.

Also trying to upkeep things because I don't want to lose more than I already did do to this (health, money, etc.).

Anyway - a bit of a ramble but my question to you guys really is

How do you think about relaxing, recovering in early days, while trying to upkeep all other areas of life?

Of course, I want to upkeep some things that are good - gym, work, etc. but... I feel guilty if I don't, and makes me feel worse.

Maybe the answer is one thing at a time, slow.

I think not knowing how to think about it, is slowing down on both sides of the spectrum, because then I just get anxious and don't do anything, and overthink it all.

Hope that makes sense!

Thank you
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Old 02-27-2020, 12:31 AM
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The first thing I had to learn was that feeling overwhelmed was not a suitable excuse to drink.

Drinking made the overwhelmed feeling worse

Make a list of things to do each day. Make it a reasonable list - one load of washing, 30 mins cleaning up..what ever you have on at work that day.

Try to accept that you're not going to feel great or think straight for a while. You're recovering from a bender.

Do your best at work cos thats all anyone can ask of you.

Relationships - depends on the relationship. If you're married I'ddiscuss thigs with your wife.

If you're single I'd stay that way for a while - wirk in gettign to knwo whosober you is for a little while.

If you're still living at home - up to you whether you want to bring up the subject of recovery or not.

expect to not feel great for a week or two. That's the price of a bender - but it's a finite time - you will feel better again - and you never have to feel this way again

D
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Old 02-27-2020, 02:04 AM
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For the first month I did nothing but work on not drinking. I did not let anything else make me feel guilty. If things didn't get done I didn't care as long as I didn't pick up a drink. Everyday made me feel better about myself and slowly started doing what needed to be done and nothing was a chore anymore.
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Old 02-27-2020, 02:15 AM
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In the early days I just did what I had to, everything else I let slide.
Be kind to yourself, your body and mind need to recover and that will take time.
I went for walks, spent time with undemanding people, slept when I needed to and ate what I wanted. I put my sobriety first, had lots of help from SR, I would suggest you visit daily and ask for help if you need it.
Try anything and everything, AA, SR, don't rule anything out. Try not to let guilt, shame get a grip on you and take it a day at a time.
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Old 02-27-2020, 03:33 AM
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Hi GI
I confess that I was as slack as all proverbial during my first week, and only fractionally better in the second week. At four weeks now, I am still just doing necessities and things I like doing.
You let slacked off during your bender (your words!), so what is a few more days of just focusing on you and your sobriety. Housework can wait, bloat will vanish if you stay relaxed and eat well, and if you can, take work as easy as possible for a few days. Brain fog doesn't help doing anything well or efficiently, so don't stress about anything that can wait for a few days or weeks (this is coming from the ultimate procrastinator for the last month!).
Take it easy and stick with your new plan.
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Old 02-27-2020, 04:46 PM
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I second the above - the only NEED you have right now is not drinking. Anything else is just details, is unimportant and it will wait (only exception is if you’ve got children to feed etc).

I tound I took care of a few things like cleaning just to fill the time. But my sole focus was staying sober. Give yourself space for that and the rest will follow
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Old 02-27-2020, 05:48 PM
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It's hard - the truth is, in my experience, life doesn't make accommodations for us, whether it's in our quest to get sober or otherwise. There are ways that you can take a step back from things for sure. But I found that not drinking, each and every day, made things easier and easier (at least to deal with) and that the time and space necessary to try and deal with life started to present themselves. There's never enough time in the day of course, but the major gift of sobriety, for me, was that my life is mine again, for the first time.
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Old 02-27-2020, 07:05 PM
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Originally Posted by lessgravity View Post
It's hard - the truth is, in my experience, life doesn't make accommodations for us, whether it's in our quest to get sober or otherwise. There are ways that you can take a step back from things for sure. But I found that not drinking, each and every day, made things easier and easier (at least to deal with) and that the time and space necessary to try and deal with life started to present themselves. There's never enough time in the day of course, but the major gift of sobriety, for me, was that my life is mine again, for the first time.
I agree with this. You have to maintain relationships. You have to not slack off at work - you need the money. The rest is as Dee has said. Life definitely doesn't make accommodations for us.
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