New guy on day two
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
If you don't drink again, you'll never have to go thru withdrawal again. 
Every time you drink, you're back to day one and the misery that comes with it. 
Push thru the misery and it will start getting better.
If you start feeling really bad, please go to your doctor or the nearest ER. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous so please don't hesitate to get help if you need it.
Every time you drink, you're back to day one and the misery that comes with it. 
Push thru the misery and it will start getting better. If you start feeling really bad, please go to your doctor or the nearest ER. Alcohol withdrawal can be dangerous so please don't hesitate to get help if you need it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 360
Originally Posted by Phoenixrising20 
I've been a terrible person and hurt my wife with my words and actions while drinking. So done with this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Crystal River
Posts: 12
Hit my second meeting this afternoon. It was hard at first, started to have an anxiety attack and had to go outside. Absolutely broke down. Most of the guys there are biker dudes and felt ashamed to cry in front of them. Instead, they rallied around me and gave me support. Felt much better after. I'm home now and still fighting my depression over my marraige situation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
Welcome, fellow Phoenix. The most important person to stop all the terrible consequences of boozing for- is yourself. Make a plan (info in Newcomer's forum stickies), go to meetings, journal, see your doc for a checkup, join some SR threads (there is so much to learn from here @SR)….keep the momentum going.
My support to you.
My support to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Crystal River
Posts: 12
Tonight I went to my second meeting. It was much better. I was pretty bummed when I got there but was calm and really listened as we read a chapter from the big book.
The funny thing is I noticed as I drank my decaf coffee, the shakes are gone. My mental clarity improved quite a bit. Now we are now tonight goes.
Another day sober, another chip.....one day, one minute at a time.
The funny thing is I noticed as I drank my decaf coffee, the shakes are gone. My mental clarity improved quite a bit. Now we are now tonight goes.
Another day sober, another chip.....one day, one minute at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Crystal River
Posts: 12
Dee, problem is, neither she or my in laws are answering any messages after she kicked me out. I've said and done some bad stuff while I was drunk, was too busy trying to plan my next binge on my days off, didn't help much with bills since alcohol took my time and money. I was an all around ******, angry person all the time.
I did screw up, big time, but since I've been sober, the noise in my head, the mental clarity is coming back. My mother really noticed it last night when I came home from the meeting and we had a talk about what went on in the past.
For the past three, four days, I'm no longer the ranting, raving, angry drunk.
If she could only see me now. If think she would like this version of me much better.
I did screw up, big time, but since I've been sober, the noise in my head, the mental clarity is coming back. My mother really noticed it last night when I came home from the meeting and we had a talk about what went on in the past.
For the past three, four days, I'm no longer the ranting, raving, angry drunk.
If she could only see me now. If think she would like this version of me much better.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi PR
I can't lie - It took quite a long time for the loved ones in my life to forgive me my past transgressions and to begin to trust me again.
I don't know about you but they'd heard the I've really quit this time/I've really changed speech more than once.
It took some time, much longer than I would have liked, for people to respond to the new me, forgive me and trust me again.
Most did when it became clear to them my actions met my words -but they each had to make that assessment over a meaningful amount of time.
Its been a matter of days for you and sobriety yeah? - give it, and your wife and her family, a little more time
D
I can't lie - It took quite a long time for the loved ones in my life to forgive me my past transgressions and to begin to trust me again.
I don't know about you but they'd heard the I've really quit this time/I've really changed speech more than once.
It took some time, much longer than I would have liked, for people to respond to the new me, forgive me and trust me again.
Most did when it became clear to them my actions met my words -but they each had to make that assessment over a meaningful amount of time.
Its been a matter of days for you and sobriety yeah? - give it, and your wife and her family, a little more time
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
Welcome phoenix!
As you can probably tell by now this place is full of compassionate, caring people.
Stick around here and hit as many meetings as possible as they seem to be helping you.
You can do this!
As for the marital situation I am sorry to hear your problems but don't rush it.
As Dee said these problems did not arise overnight and they will not disappear overnight.
Work on yourself and others will notice the change even if you don't.
Good luck man!
PS: don't worry about crying. We ALL do it. Even bikers.
As you can probably tell by now this place is full of compassionate, caring people.
Stick around here and hit as many meetings as possible as they seem to be helping you.
You can do this!
As for the marital situation I am sorry to hear your problems but don't rush it.
As Dee said these problems did not arise overnight and they will not disappear overnight.
Work on yourself and others will notice the change even if you don't.
Good luck man!
PS: don't worry about crying. We ALL do it. Even bikers.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
PhoenixRising one of the tough things to deal with is living with what we have done. There are bells that have been rung that can't be un-rung. I'm three months sober and just now starting to notice that people are letting me back into their lives. I spread nothing but chaos and misery and some of my people are gone forever, and that is hard to deal with to this very day. But we need to be humble, every day, and the people that love you will let you back in eventually. But only when they SEE actions worthy of trust. Your words and our words no longer carry any meaning or trust to those who still love us. We must SHOW them with actions that we are worthy of being in their lives. It will happen. Forgive them and let them heal for now and you just work on you. It sounds like you are doing tremendously well and working on your recovery. I'm glad you keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 16
The first five to seven days are bad. But afterwards its going straight up. Drink a lot, i stayed in bed because moving was difficult, didnt have appetite anyways and drank a lot of pure water. Then, from alone, i started to get aware of my surrounding again. I started cleaning little by little. Got rid of empty bottles. Cared for cleaning. Changed my diet into healthy food. Showered every day again.
Day 17 and i sufferer from detox syndroms maybe. I am clear headed, no shakes and my sweats are under control, i eat healthy because i get hungry again, but skin itches like hell. Moles itch. But if that passes i feel new born.
Hang in there. If i made it you make it too.
PS: I lost a really nice wife because i was drunk and passed out often at evening, no sex drive...i just wasnt there anymore and she found someone else. Now, sober i realize what i lost and what alcohol did to my life.
Day 17 and i sufferer from detox syndroms maybe. I am clear headed, no shakes and my sweats are under control, i eat healthy because i get hungry again, but skin itches like hell. Moles itch. But if that passes i feel new born.
Hang in there. If i made it you make it too.
PS: I lost a really nice wife because i was drunk and passed out often at evening, no sex drive...i just wasnt there anymore and she found someone else. Now, sober i realize what i lost and what alcohol did to my life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Glad to have you hear phoenixrising. I am on day 1. Lets do this together! On another note. After my first divorce I lost a 7 year quit. I moved back in with my Mom and I think it just ended up being worse as I felt even more set back. Something to think about although you may not have a choice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Crystal River
Posts: 12
Thanks everyone.
Just got home from a meeting. Day five in the books. Looking forward to a week sober. This is the longest stretch of sobriety I’ve had in years.
Tonight, I actually ate a full meal, the first in five days.
its been small steps. Mental clarity has greatly improved. My mom even noticed that I’m “different “. More calm.
Yeah. I’m slowly coming to terms that she ain’t coming back. I really wish she could see me now. I’d know she’d be impressed. The fact of the matter is, that may never happen, but I’m still hopeful.
I have to learn to like myself again.
I’m realizing all the horrible stuff I did in the past mostly while drinking is not who I am now.
5 days in and I feel somewhat liberated.
Thank you all. I’ll keep everyone up to date.
Just got home from a meeting. Day five in the books. Looking forward to a week sober. This is the longest stretch of sobriety I’ve had in years.
Tonight, I actually ate a full meal, the first in five days.
its been small steps. Mental clarity has greatly improved. My mom even noticed that I’m “different “. More calm.
Yeah. I’m slowly coming to terms that she ain’t coming back. I really wish she could see me now. I’d know she’d be impressed. The fact of the matter is, that may never happen, but I’m still hopeful.
I have to learn to like myself again.
I’m realizing all the horrible stuff I did in the past mostly while drinking is not who I am now.
5 days in and I feel somewhat liberated.
Thank you all. I’ll keep everyone up to date.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 244
I was at 2 days not very long ago - I promise it only gets better the longer you stay sober - you are already dealing with the worst of it...... everyday will be a bit better. Stay strong, and post here/read, it's a great distraction when you really need one.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,161
Hey phoenix great to see you hanging in there!
Day 5 ain't no joke!
As far as whether the wife is coming back or not,
man I have been there and I know it's easier said than done but don't try to predict the future. We never know what might happen.
Focus on getting better and letting the REAL you back into the world and good things will happen.
This may or may not include your wife but we know the drunk you will not make it better. Nor will it make it go away.
Day 5 ain't no joke!
As far as whether the wife is coming back or not,
man I have been there and I know it's easier said than done but don't try to predict the future. We never know what might happen.
Focus on getting better and letting the REAL you back into the world and good things will happen.
This may or may not include your wife but we know the drunk you will not make it better. Nor will it make it go away.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 16
Wife
Talking about the wife: i just can tell you that you should concentrate on yourself. My first tries after my wife left me were because i thought when i become sober she comes back...that was my reason and also the reason i started drinking again and again. I couldnt understand that my actions made her leave. I was stuck with trying to get clean because of HER not ME.
Face the fact that you made her leave. Then concentrate on yourself only. Do it for your own good. Think about you, your diet, your personal future.
My ex wife didnt forget nor she forgive me. She doesnt have the picture of us at the beginning of the relationship in her head, she has that drunk guy picture laying on the sofa drunk. And this wont go away.
Stay strong, the world didnt end. First get sober, fight. Get your life on tracks. Then you can concentrate on a partner or who knows maybe she will see different when you have been sober for months.
But now its just you and you and you. I know i am fighting too.
Face the fact that you made her leave. Then concentrate on yourself only. Do it for your own good. Think about you, your diet, your personal future.
My ex wife didnt forget nor she forgive me. She doesnt have the picture of us at the beginning of the relationship in her head, she has that drunk guy picture laying on the sofa drunk. And this wont go away.
Stay strong, the world didnt end. First get sober, fight. Get your life on tracks. Then you can concentrate on a partner or who knows maybe she will see different when you have been sober for months.
But now its just you and you and you. I know i am fighting too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Crystal River
Posts: 12
Hey all. As of now day 12 is in the books, strange thing that no matter how crappy things have been on the home front, I feel much better physically, mentally, I'm more calm and collected even though at times I'm an emotional basket case. I haven't had any real cravings so far. I had some very profound spiritual experiences the past few days.
One of which is this poem recited by last night's speaker at my AA meeting.
thought it scarcely worth his while to waste much time on the old violin,
but held it up with a smile; "What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
"Who'll start the bidding for me?" "A dollar, a dollar"; then two!" "Only
two? Two dollars, and who'll make it three? Three dollars, once; three
dollars twice; going for three.." But no, from the room, far back, a
gray-haired man came forward and picked up the bow; Then, wiping the dust
from the old violin, and tightening the loose strings, he played a melody
pure and sweet as caroling angel sings.
The music ceased, and the auctioneer, with a voice that was quiet and low,
said; "What am I bid for the old violin?" And he held it up with the bow.
A thousand dollars, and who'll make it two? Two thousand! And who'll make
it three? Three thousand, once, three thousand, twice, and going and
gone," said he. The people cheered, but some of them cried, "We do not
quite understnad what changed its worth." Swift came the reply: "The touch
of a master's hand."
And many a man with life out of tune, and battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd, much like the old violin, A
"mess of pottage," a glass of wine; a game - and he travels on. "He is
going" once, and "going twice, He's going and almost gone." But the Master
comes, and the foolish crowd never can quite understand the worth of a soul
and the change that's wrought by the touch of the Master's hand.
Hit me right in the feels.
One of which is this poem recited by last night's speaker at my AA meeting.
The Touch of the Masters Hand
Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneerthought it scarcely worth his while to waste much time on the old violin,
but held it up with a smile; "What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
"Who'll start the bidding for me?" "A dollar, a dollar"; then two!" "Only
two? Two dollars, and who'll make it three? Three dollars, once; three
dollars twice; going for three.." But no, from the room, far back, a
gray-haired man came forward and picked up the bow; Then, wiping the dust
from the old violin, and tightening the loose strings, he played a melody
pure and sweet as caroling angel sings.
The music ceased, and the auctioneer, with a voice that was quiet and low,
said; "What am I bid for the old violin?" And he held it up with the bow.
A thousand dollars, and who'll make it two? Two thousand! And who'll make
it three? Three thousand, once, three thousand, twice, and going and
gone," said he. The people cheered, but some of them cried, "We do not
quite understnad what changed its worth." Swift came the reply: "The touch
of a master's hand."
And many a man with life out of tune, and battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd, much like the old violin, A
"mess of pottage," a glass of wine; a game - and he travels on. "He is
going" once, and "going twice, He's going and almost gone." But the Master
comes, and the foolish crowd never can quite understand the worth of a soul
and the change that's wrought by the touch of the Master's hand.
Hit me right in the feels.
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