PhoenixRising one of the tough things to deal with is living with what we have done. There are bells that have been rung that can't be un-rung. I'm three months sober and just now starting to notice that people are letting me back into their lives. I spread nothing but chaos and misery and some of my people are gone forever, and that is hard to deal with to this very day. But we need to be humble, every day, and the people that love you will let you back in eventually. But only when they SEE actions worthy of trust. Your words and our words no longer carry any meaning or trust to those who still love us. We must SHOW them with actions that we are worthy of being in their lives. It will happen. Forgive them and let them heal for now and you just work on you. It sounds like you are doing tremendously well and working on your recovery. I'm glad you keep posting.