Every stinking time!
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Originally Posted by mikoss 
I feel the same way that whenever I would experience extreme stress and emotion from depression and anxiety the first thing I turned to was drinking or the thought of a drink. I still do being that I am on my first day of trying to get sober and I think about a drink multiples times each hour when I feel a stressful emotion but I just have to focus on diverting it to something more positive. Like you said, I am so glad to have this forum available with so many wonderful people like yourself all going through similar experiences trying to recover.
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Originally Posted by DriGuy
The old standby becomes a learned default response, and it's easy to learn because reaching for a bottle requires no creativity. It requires no learning to drink and swallow. You just do it and allow whatever it does to you to think you're getting away from your emotional gut punch. And as you keep relying on it, it comes up with a punch of it's own where you begin to feel edgy and off when you don't drink. At that point, you are drinking because you need to drink, rather than because your emotions took a punch.
Frankly, I never found any emotional relief from alcohol, but I did find a tremendous amount of relief from cravings to drink, even though taking a drink set off an immediate craving for a second drink and a third, etc. I would become engaged in drinking and craving to drink more. I had something to do. How satisfying (Sarc). Maybe that helped me not think about my emotions, but they were always still there when I woke up the next morning, along with a load of guilt and sense of hopelessness.
You're in a vicious cycle responding to a gut punch with a response that doesn't help, but being determined, you keep responding with the same unhelpful response. It's only one manifestation of alcoholism, but you can change this. Not drinking is the first step. It's bothersome at first, but when the cravings subside, and they will, you will begin to see your way out of the cycle. Then you have to learn to never reenter the cycle expecting new results from a response you have already proven to be useless and dangerous.
Frankly, I never found any emotional relief from alcohol, but I did find a tremendous amount of relief from cravings to drink, even though taking a drink set off an immediate craving for a second drink and a third, etc. I would become engaged in drinking and craving to drink more. I had something to do. How satisfying (Sarc). Maybe that helped me not think about my emotions, but they were always still there when I woke up the next morning, along with a load of guilt and sense of hopelessness.
You're in a vicious cycle responding to a gut punch with a response that doesn't help, but being determined, you keep responding with the same unhelpful response. It's only one manifestation of alcoholism, but you can change this. Not drinking is the first step. It's bothersome at first, but when the cravings subside, and they will, you will begin to see your way out of the cycle. Then you have to learn to never reenter the cycle expecting new results from a response you have already proven to be useless and dangerous.
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Originally Posted by Kjma
Driguy, yes, absolutely. I was (and I say that in past tense because I'm never going back there) in a cycle of using an unhelpful response time and again because of the temporary distraction it allowed me. I am consciously compling a new arsenal of responses, and with them, I'm feeling much new hope. Now, I need to think about what I'm going to do when a craving raises in response to positive emotions, a celebration or similar. Haven't had that situation yet on my 6 day journey, but need to prepare. What do you all do to curb that one?
***arises
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Kjma, you CAN do this. In my experience, it was about changing habits and they can be changed, but it takes time and persistence. Like you, any emotion sent me rushing for a drink, but you can change your thinking. 
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Well done on posting it out instead of the old response.
Look at it like building up a tool box and you can select an appropriate tool each time.
If you have a multitude of tools, it's better.
There's going to be times when you won't be able to pop your shoes on and run. What then ?
Ask around, look around, find tools, they're everywhere once you start looking.
Look at it like building up a tool box and you can select an appropriate tool each time.
If you have a multitude of tools, it's better.
There's going to be times when you won't be able to pop your shoes on and run. What then ?
Ask around, look around, find tools, they're everywhere once you start looking.
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Originally Posted by Kjma
Now, I need to think about what I'm going to do when a craving raises in response to positive emotions, a celebration or similar. Haven't had that situation yet on my 6 day journey, but need to prepare. What do you all do to curb that one?
Think about this: You said you drink when you feel bad, and you drink when you feel good, and I'll bet you $2 you drink when you are in between. You're just drinking all the time, which pretty much says the cause is not emotional, it's addiction. The emotions are just used as an alternate explanation at best, or excuses at worst. You drink because your mind and/or your body are demanding alcohol. If you don't feed it enough, you start to experience a crisis that can only be ended with more alcohol and the the accompanying horrid deterioration of mental and physical health.
Drinking would be a fine cure for the crisis if it wasn't progressively more and more physically and mentally unhealthy. Furthermore, many of those negative emotions are given a boost from the crisis you suffer from craving. So what are you going to do?
The answer is quite simple with the commitment to never drink another drink. Just stop, grab a hold of your chair, run a mile, or distract yourself and fight your way through the withdrawal cravings. If you go through medical detox, you still have to continue with this new no drink response, because there is still more to withdrawal, not as dangerous as detox, but absolutely vital, and you have to do it on your own, with no one to strap you to the bed or hide your bottles.
So that's a cure? You hardly want to fight the crisis of cravings for the rest of your life, but the good part is that you won't. In the absence of alcohol, cravings subside, at first to more manageable levels, and then eventually disappear or become more like harmless and sometimes just amusing thoughts.
I don't think anyone has the scientific knowledge to explain why this happens, but plenty of us will tell you it does happen, even if it isn't explainable. Fortunately, the chemistry involved, while it would be interesting, is actually irrelevant.
It goes on. Most programs call for some kind of further self examination and personal self growth, often in therapy, SR, AA, or on your own. I find a group of immense value. Some may argue this is the real medicine in recovery, and I'm in agreement, but your first order of business is to get through the cravings and stop thinking about alcohol, before you get into what I consider the advanced part. You can start the good part as you start to come out of the withdrawal of cravings, but don't put it off too long. The whole of recovery is more like an interlocking process. There's lots to learn, but my experience is that it has been very joyful and rewarding, and since you won't be drinking, you will have time to spare to do this stuff along with your other necessary commitments to work and family or whatever.
Have you got anything better to do? I doubt it very much.
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Hey folks-- wow another emotionally charged day that left me thinking drinking would be a good idea-- just this one time and then I'd get back on track. Insidious thoughts!! So....as I was driving to town (we live 10 miles out) on a mission, my old normal auto pilot route, I was arguing with myself-- yes, I want to drink, no I don't want to ruin my short run and suffer what tomorrow will bring if I drink. I decided that I would divert myself by going to our small town mall (known as Walmart) to hang out in the bright lights and buy some healthy food for tomorrow. Once I made that definitive decision, the drinking thought subsided. So glad I did. Going to sleep tonight knowing that I'll wake up clear headed ready to battle the demon again tomorrow. Would not have made the best decision had it not been for your alls support in the previous days. So thankful for all of you!
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Now, I need to think about what I'm going to do when a craving raises in response to positive emotions, a celebration or similar.
I could get through bad times by knowing that drinking would only make things worse and so I would soldier on, but when things were going good that is when I would relapse. I would drink to celebrate or reward myself.
A return to drinking, even for the day, never turned out to be a celebration or reward, quite the opposite. It always turned into hell. It also never was just for the day either. A simple truth that I had to get through my thick head. When I would want to reward myself or celebrate with alcohol, I would remind myself that if drinking were such a reward, why did I stop. If it were a reward, what would a punishment be?
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Originally Posted by nez
This was my go to and downfall, the good times.
I could get through bad times by knowing that drinking would only make things worse and so I would soldier on, but when things were going good that is when I would relapse. I would drink to celebrate or reward myself.
A return to drinking, even for the day, never turned out to be a celebration or reward, quite the opposite. It always turned into hell. It also never was just for the day either. A simple truth that I had to get through my thick head. When I would want to reward myself or celebrate with alcohol, I would remind myself that if drinking were such a reward, why did I stop. If it were a reward, what would a punishment be?
I could get through bad times by knowing that drinking would only make things worse and so I would soldier on, but when things were going good that is when I would relapse. I would drink to celebrate or reward myself.
A return to drinking, even for the day, never turned out to be a celebration or reward, quite the opposite. It always turned into hell. It also never was just for the day either. A simple truth that I had to get through my thick head. When I would want to reward myself or celebrate with alcohol, I would remind myself that if drinking were such a reward, why did I stop. If it were a reward, what would a punishment be?
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Originally Posted by Kjma
So, I just read an article that may be useful to me and others who attempt to escape negative emotions. It said to look at them as the signals for change that they are. What was the source of the negative emotion? What do you need to change? Also, that negative emotions aren't bad; they're just signals. Very interesting.....
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Originally Posted by MLD51
I believe this is spot on. If you can begin to examine the source of a feeling (good or bad), you can start to learn new ways of dealing with them. When I find myself really upset about something, I take a deep breath, try to calm down a little, and try to figure out what exactly is making me feel that way. I found that MOST of the time, I'm afraid of something in the situation. If I can identify what I'm afraid of, I can sort of "talk myself off the ledge" so to speak, and get a clearer perspective. Then I can decide if there's a reason to be afraid, or if there's something I can change. Does that make sense? I no longer feel like drinking when those emotional gut punches happen. You'll get there. Takes practice. The more times you resist the urge to run to the bottle when some strong emotions come up, the stronger you get.
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Originally Posted by Kjma
MDL, thank you for the comments. Yes, I do think believe a calm look at the angst as it arises will serve me well.
There's a lot of help available because well, sometimes we need a lot of help.
Many times I have been helped by someone who has been where I am and can give the benefit of hindsight / wisdom etc.
Seeking help is a big thing to learn and like most things that are relatively new to us, it is just practice.
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I thought DriGuys responses were very good.
Had to learn that a celebratory drink resulted in exactly the same misery as a gloomy drink.
Sheee! There goes the celebration. Worse in some ways. Destroyed the celebration for me.
Had to learn that a celebratory drink resulted in exactly the same misery as a gloomy drink.
Sheee! There goes the celebration. Worse in some ways. Destroyed the celebration for me.
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