Annoyed with being judged
Ocean Lover!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Annoyed with being judged
I went to rehab June 2019. Paid myself. I am drinking again.
Had convo with Ma who says disappointed. Very mad as for last 2 months she has contacted me 0 times. I get lonely. Same pattern same ****..
Had convo with Ma who says disappointed. Very mad as for last 2 months she has contacted me 0 times. I get lonely. Same pattern same ****..
Ocean Lover!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I am not angry at her per sey. I am angry she is judging me after knowing I need my family and to not isolate but tried that and she reverted into her personal hole. ..left me in solitude and then judges me
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Her issues are irrelevant at this point. It's pretty common for us to want to put the blame on others for our drinking, addiction is a sneaky devil.
Focus on what you can do to change your life - and in this case stopping drinking is literally the only thing you can to do help improve the situation. And yes it's maddening, unfair, or whatever else we like to use to describe it. But it is what it is.....things will improve for you if you stop drinking, if you don't they wont.
Do you have any contacts from Rehab that might be able to help you out locally? Seek out people who can help like here on SR. Your mother's issues are hers to solve on her own and are not helpful to you in any way right now.
Focus on what you can do to change your life - and in this case stopping drinking is literally the only thing you can to do help improve the situation. And yes it's maddening, unfair, or whatever else we like to use to describe it. But it is what it is.....things will improve for you if you stop drinking, if you don't they wont.
Do you have any contacts from Rehab that might be able to help you out locally? Seek out people who can help like here on SR. Your mother's issues are hers to solve on her own and are not helpful to you in any way right now.
Ocean Lover!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
I drank for reasons not related to my mum. Had a chat, she realised I was drunk and got mad, I am so disappointed in you etc blah blah %uck you is what I say. If we had guns the way the us has I would pop down to Walmart buy a pizza, a gun and some cheese and shoot myseld
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Manta, is there anyone you can call so you can speak to a live person? Might be nice to hear someone’s voice. Maybe call the AA line if you have one? Talk to someone who won’t judge you.
Scaring me a little, so keep posting here as well. We’re all here for you. Keep chatting and get some water.
Scaring me a little, so keep posting here as well. We’re all here for you. Keep chatting and get some water.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I can get annoyed with being judged, but that doesn't stop judgements from happening. I can be alright with being judged, but that doesn't stop judgements from happening. Judgements will happen either way.
Stopping drinking has a much bigger impact on my life than my reaction to being judged does. Stopping drinking can impact my reaction to being judged, and that is just one of the benefits of stopping drinking.
I too went to rehab and relapsed. Before rehab I was screwed up with a doubt, but after rehab and my relapse, I was really screwed up. There is nothing worse than a headful of sobriety and a bellyful of booze to make for a hellish reality, but then there is no point in me telling you because you are there. You know first hand.
You also know first hand what to do to stop drinking because you have done that before. I hope you listen to your soul. It won't steer you wrong.
Stopping drinking has a much bigger impact on my life than my reaction to being judged does. Stopping drinking can impact my reaction to being judged, and that is just one of the benefits of stopping drinking.
I too went to rehab and relapsed. Before rehab I was screwed up with a doubt, but after rehab and my relapse, I was really screwed up. There is nothing worse than a headful of sobriety and a bellyful of booze to make for a hellish reality, but then there is no point in me telling you because you are there. You know first hand.
You also know first hand what to do to stop drinking because you have done that before. I hope you listen to your soul. It won't steer you wrong.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
You dont want to go to Walmart. Trust me.
Their pizzas are bad news and their toilet paper is...expensive.
I mentioned yesterday somewhere here that Ive had some humiliating, shameful memories popping up lately.
They all have to do with being dissapointed and hurt by relatives ( notice I didnt use the word family), drinking because I was hurt and upset, and then proceeding to tell them all off and spew a list of all their horribleness to them and then hanging up.
I know you wanted kindness and support from her.
You will not get it. Because of HER personality and short comings, not yours.
You screwed up, who cares, lets move on.
No need to continue this self destructive bender.
Everythings going to be OK. Really.
Their pizzas are bad news and their toilet paper is...expensive.
I mentioned yesterday somewhere here that Ive had some humiliating, shameful memories popping up lately.
They all have to do with being dissapointed and hurt by relatives ( notice I didnt use the word family), drinking because I was hurt and upset, and then proceeding to tell them all off and spew a list of all their horribleness to them and then hanging up.
I know you wanted kindness and support from her.
You will not get it. Because of HER personality and short comings, not yours.
You screwed up, who cares, lets move on.
No need to continue this self destructive bender.
Everythings going to be OK. Really.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
If you are seriously feeling that way Manta, please call someone who can help. Samaritans in the UK is a group that will talk with you live about just about any issue - 116-123 I believe, or https://www.samaritans.org/
What your mum thinks or says at this point is utterly irrelevant - don't even bothter with it. And especially don't let it inside your head. Please stay close to someone who can help.
What your mum thinks or says at this point is utterly irrelevant - don't even bothter with it. And especially don't let it inside your head. Please stay close to someone who can help.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
"You don't have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you."
"Sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised."
Both of those quotes are on your profile here on SR Mantalady. They are both spot on too. I'm sorry your Mom has pushed your buttons, but something tells me that when you are drinking, you might just be looking for a fight. So many of us are that way when we drink.
What is your plan for tomorrow? I hope you don't drink, but even if you do, keep posting and let us know how things are going.
"Sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised."
Both of those quotes are on your profile here on SR Mantalady. They are both spot on too. I'm sorry your Mom has pushed your buttons, but something tells me that when you are drinking, you might just be looking for a fight. So many of us are that way when we drink.
What is your plan for tomorrow? I hope you don't drink, but even if you do, keep posting and let us know how things are going.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry that you've been drinking and that your mums response was not helpful to you Manta.
I drank because I felt alone too, The irony was nothing else cemented that loneliness like drinking.
Drinking meant I changed nothing. Ever.
I ran away from my problems and I smacked away those who were worried about me.
It felt like judgement to me too and maybe it was, but drinking me didn't think about the fear frustration or helplessness my loved ones felt as they watched me slip away again in a screaming dive towards the ground.
Truth be told a large part of me was just embarrassed to be caught back in that place again, and I lashed out.
Like Scott said if there's any part of you that wants to do harm to yourself please contact the Samaritans or maybe these guys
maybe a meeting based recovery group like AA, SMART Recovery or LifeRing could help to? You'd have real people to connect with?
You're a valued member here - you've helped a lot of people
Everyone wants to help you get the real Manta back, including me.
I couldn't post earlier cos I just woke up
D
I drank because I felt alone too, The irony was nothing else cemented that loneliness like drinking.
Drinking meant I changed nothing. Ever.
I ran away from my problems and I smacked away those who were worried about me.
It felt like judgement to me too and maybe it was, but drinking me didn't think about the fear frustration or helplessness my loved ones felt as they watched me slip away again in a screaming dive towards the ground.
Truth be told a large part of me was just embarrassed to be caught back in that place again, and I lashed out.
Like Scott said if there's any part of you that wants to do harm to yourself please contact the Samaritans or maybe these guys
CALM, the campaign against living miserably
Helpline – Nationwide
Call 0800 58 58 58
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Helpline – Nationwide
Call 0800 58 58 58
Our national helpline is open 7 days a week, 5pm to midnight. Callers can talk through any issue, we’ll listen and offer information and signposting. Calls are anonymous & confidential and won’t show up on your phone bill. Calls are free from landlines, payphones and O2, Orange, Virgin & Vodafone mobile networks. Other mobile networks and supermarket brand sims may charge.
You're a valued member here - you've helped a lot of people
Everyone wants to help you get the real Manta back, including me.
I couldn't post earlier cos I just woke up
D
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