My First Thread
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 93
My First Thread
I have been a longtime lurker and very occasional poster. Posting my first thread is scary. I may delete this instead of submitting, but in the meantime I will give a short history.
I discovered alcohol as a means to achieve happiness and euphoria at age eighteen, forty years ago. I have only had occasional bouts of sobriety since then. There have been some negative consequences of my drinking, certainly. For the past several years, I have been a closet drinker. My general pattern has been to drink 1000-1500 ml of red wine every day. But I admit that I have also consumed vanilla extract, yes, vanilla! It comes in a small, easy-to-hide bottle, is around 25% alcohol, and there is no ID required to purchase it.
Early last week, a friend told me about a 30-day motivational challenge that she had done, and talked me into joining it. Since I was sick and tired of feeling puffy, inflamed, and guilty from my continued drinking, I decided to join the challenge. I actually stopped drinking two days before the challenge, and I am on day 9 now!
The challenge is to write three things you are grateful for every morning when you get up, to get some form of exercise every day for at least 30 minutes, whether it be walking or working out vigorously, to be sober for 30 days, to stop eating sugar and fried foods for 30 days, to read 10 pages of a self-help nonfiction book every day, to meditate for at least 10 minutes every day, and to do a good deed every day in order to spread positive vibrations into the world.
All of these things are harder to achieve than you might think, but I am persevering.
Yesterday, at day 8, I woke up to find that a business check for a huge sum of money that I thought I had deposited was lost. It was a miserable way to start the day. I was very stressed and unhappy and disappointed with myself. I was also thinking that there was no way I could really continue to remain sober. I so so so wanted to drink! I wanted the release of drinking. I wanted to drink myself to sleep because I was exhausted from not sleeping well. But I decided to check out AA meetings in my area, and I hit on one that I could go to in the evening.
On my way to the meeting with ten minutes to spare before it began, I got rear-ended. What a way to complete the day, I tell you! Anyway, after calling in the claim to the insurance company, I went to the second half of the meeting. Then I drove home to another sleepless night, but I did not drink after all.
I don’t know why I am posting this. I don’t know if I have the ability to quit drinking forever, but I can say I got through one really awful rotten day without drinking (and without sleeping much), and if I can do it, so can you who are struggling.
Thanks, and nice to meet you all. Okay, I’m going to hit “submit.”
I discovered alcohol as a means to achieve happiness and euphoria at age eighteen, forty years ago. I have only had occasional bouts of sobriety since then. There have been some negative consequences of my drinking, certainly. For the past several years, I have been a closet drinker. My general pattern has been to drink 1000-1500 ml of red wine every day. But I admit that I have also consumed vanilla extract, yes, vanilla! It comes in a small, easy-to-hide bottle, is around 25% alcohol, and there is no ID required to purchase it.
Early last week, a friend told me about a 30-day motivational challenge that she had done, and talked me into joining it. Since I was sick and tired of feeling puffy, inflamed, and guilty from my continued drinking, I decided to join the challenge. I actually stopped drinking two days before the challenge, and I am on day 9 now!
The challenge is to write three things you are grateful for every morning when you get up, to get some form of exercise every day for at least 30 minutes, whether it be walking or working out vigorously, to be sober for 30 days, to stop eating sugar and fried foods for 30 days, to read 10 pages of a self-help nonfiction book every day, to meditate for at least 10 minutes every day, and to do a good deed every day in order to spread positive vibrations into the world.
All of these things are harder to achieve than you might think, but I am persevering.
Yesterday, at day 8, I woke up to find that a business check for a huge sum of money that I thought I had deposited was lost. It was a miserable way to start the day. I was very stressed and unhappy and disappointed with myself. I was also thinking that there was no way I could really continue to remain sober. I so so so wanted to drink! I wanted the release of drinking. I wanted to drink myself to sleep because I was exhausted from not sleeping well. But I decided to check out AA meetings in my area, and I hit on one that I could go to in the evening.
On my way to the meeting with ten minutes to spare before it began, I got rear-ended. What a way to complete the day, I tell you! Anyway, after calling in the claim to the insurance company, I went to the second half of the meeting. Then I drove home to another sleepless night, but I did not drink after all.
I don’t know why I am posting this. I don’t know if I have the ability to quit drinking forever, but I can say I got through one really awful rotten day without drinking (and without sleeping much), and if I can do it, so can you who are struggling.
Thanks, and nice to meet you all. Okay, I’m going to hit “submit.”
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Welcome Foggyriver. That is a lot of booze and the vanilla thing is a really troubling sign. Safe to say that you are an alcoholic my friend. But is sure sound too like you have a great handle on getting some sober time under your belt and that you are doing really well. Just leave booze behind and don't look back. You already proved that you have a well of inner strength. Staying away from alcohol after two REALLY STRESSFUL events that you mentioned is pretty big. Leave it in the past. Do you feel better? Are you healthier? Is there a calm, clear and quiet feeling in your head and around you now? Don't give all that up. 2020 is here, the new year and the new decade and let's leave drinking behind for good. Living in Day 47 here and I'll tell you it keeps getting better and better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 93
Thanks, Surrendered 19 and HeadEast! I do feel clearer in the head. When the mind cannot occupy itself with drunkenness, it naturally seeks other topics and thoughts. I find myself accomplishing some small tasks that I never would have paid attention to before. I feel my brain becoming more organized. My face is less red after only a week. For these small things I am very grateful! Congratulations on 47 days, Surrendered! I hope to follow in your path.
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Good on ya for opening a thread.
Sounds like it was indeed a testing day and you got through it. Yay 👍.
Keep going and posting your progress.
You could join the Jan 2020 class :
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ry-2020-a.html
It only gets better !
Sounds like it was indeed a testing day and you got through it. Yay 👍.
Keep going and posting your progress.
You could join the Jan 2020 class :
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ry-2020-a.html
It only gets better !
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
Congratulations on your sober time. You got through a stressful day without drinking and thats good. I'd venture to say that you've gotten thru many things despite drinking. I did the same thing and now think of how many of those things might have been easier to navigate if I were sober. One thing about drinking through life challenges is that it gives us the illusion we are doing something about them but we usually are not doing much except trying to blot them out. I hope you can see the benefits of staying off of alcohol after you make your 30 day goal. good luck
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
The motivational challenge you are doing sounds like a good idea. It's giving you goals to meet each and every day, and I think that's important for recovering alcoholics. I know it really helped me to know that I accomplished 'something' each day.
Ad, good for you for getting through a tough day. The next tough day that comes along will be a bit easier to manage.
Ad, good for you for getting through a tough day. The next tough day that comes along will be a bit easier to manage.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Sorry you have had such a truly rotten day Foggyriver but huge congratulations on not drinking. I found that doing just a bit of exercise - just walking or jogging in my case - really did help. It made going to bed and sleeping (without the booze) a lot easier than it would have been had I not done it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 93
Thank you so much, everyone. I really appreciate the support. And I agree that exercise is very important for stress relief and general wellness. Yesterday I walked two miles and did strength training in the morning. You’re right, saoutchik, maybe that is one factor in how I got through it yesterday.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
Posts: 1,025
You did the right thing by posting. I was in your spot about 7 months ago even worse really. I have kept it up and obviously dont regret it at all. Its great not drinking and not spending money on booze. Trust me, you wont miss that buzz after awhile. Its just the booze talking to you. So much better not drinking. Just tough it out and keep it up.
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