Still sick
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
The whole inability to quit or relapse thing is not a mystery to me. It is science.
I have permanent and irreversible brain damage. I will crave for the rest of my awareness existence.
I say that because my alky grandmother went senile at around 85 years old and forgot she drank and smoked. So she got healthy and lived another 5 years.
I suffered, craving a drink, several times in the last several days. I just opened a bottle of wine for my wife. It was a teeny bit tempting tomdrink some. But, I know what will happen, see below, just for a teeny escape from a reality that is not too bad.
All of my percieved problems have melted away in the last 5 years. The biggest problem I have is...the six inches between my ears.
This might not help you, but it is all I got, so it is all I can give.
Love and Thanks.
I have permanent and irreversible brain damage. I will crave for the rest of my awareness existence.
I say that because my alky grandmother went senile at around 85 years old and forgot she drank and smoked. So she got healthy and lived another 5 years.
I suffered, craving a drink, several times in the last several days. I just opened a bottle of wine for my wife. It was a teeny bit tempting tomdrink some. But, I know what will happen, see below, just for a teeny escape from a reality that is not too bad.
All of my percieved problems have melted away in the last 5 years. The biggest problem I have is...the six inches between my ears.
This might not help you, but it is all I got, so it is all I can give.
Love and Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by D122y 
The whole inability to quit or relapse thing is not a mystery to me. It is science.
I have permanent and irreversible brain damage. I will crave for the rest of my awareness existence.
I say that because my alky grandmother went senile at around 85 years old and forgot she drank and smoked. So she got healthy and lived another 5 years.
I suffered, craving a drink, several times in the last several days. I just opened a bottle of wine for my wife. It was a teeny bit tempting tomdrink some. But, I know what will happen, see below, just for a teeny escape from a reality that is not too bad.
All of my percieved problems have melted away in the last 5 years. The biggest problem I have is...the six inches between my ears.
This might not help you, but it is all I got, so it is all I can give.
Love and Thanks.
I have permanent and irreversible brain damage. I will crave for the rest of my awareness existence.
I say that because my alky grandmother went senile at around 85 years old and forgot she drank and smoked. So she got healthy and lived another 5 years.
I suffered, craving a drink, several times in the last several days. I just opened a bottle of wine for my wife. It was a teeny bit tempting tomdrink some. But, I know what will happen, see below, just for a teeny escape from a reality that is not too bad.
All of my percieved problems have melted away in the last 5 years. The biggest problem I have is...the six inches between my ears.
This might not help you, but it is all I got, so it is all I can give.
Love and Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Kerry, Ireland
Posts: 2,703
Originally Posted by MsPink24
Hi,
I used to stalk this site drunk and hopeless. I may have even posted but I wouldn’t remember. Well, things got worse. So so much worse. Rehabs, hospitals, jail... basically dead. Got in some more legal trouble and found myself in a long term sober living facility. Got kicked out. Went back again and again to different long term places. In and out. Haven’t had more than a few months sober in 5 years. Before that I had 4 years sober, worked a 12 step program, had sponsees but I was miserable. Relapsed and still struggling years later.
At this point I am drinking anywhere between a few times a month to a few times a week. No major consequences lately and I got to thinking maybe I’ve learned to control myself. But it’s getting worse again because I’m an alcoholic. I know I just need to get over myself and go to meetings but I honestly hate them. But I know that’s what I need to do. Some days when I haven’t had a drink in a week or so I feel great about myself. But as soon as I think about drinking it’s as good as done.
Im putting on a good show for everyone. Only my husband knows of my slips and he only knows of a few. He’s a freakin substance abuse counselor at a rehab. I’m a mess. I need help to stop binge drinking. I don’t know why I cannot stand AA. I don’t know what else to do. I’m being selfish and I hate it. I’ve had this act going for so long I don’t know how to move forward without hurting people. I don’t want to wait till I’m dead or back in jail to wish I had done something different. I don’t really know what I’m asking for or maybe I’m just venting. Didn’t know where else to put this. Thanks
I used to stalk this site drunk and hopeless. I may have even posted but I wouldn’t remember. Well, things got worse. So so much worse. Rehabs, hospitals, jail... basically dead. Got in some more legal trouble and found myself in a long term sober living facility. Got kicked out. Went back again and again to different long term places. In and out. Haven’t had more than a few months sober in 5 years. Before that I had 4 years sober, worked a 12 step program, had sponsees but I was miserable. Relapsed and still struggling years later.
At this point I am drinking anywhere between a few times a month to a few times a week. No major consequences lately and I got to thinking maybe I’ve learned to control myself. But it’s getting worse again because I’m an alcoholic. I know I just need to get over myself and go to meetings but I honestly hate them. But I know that’s what I need to do. Some days when I haven’t had a drink in a week or so I feel great about myself. But as soon as I think about drinking it’s as good as done.
Im putting on a good show for everyone. Only my husband knows of my slips and he only knows of a few. He’s a freakin substance abuse counselor at a rehab. I’m a mess. I need help to stop binge drinking. I don’t know why I cannot stand AA. I don’t know what else to do. I’m being selfish and I hate it. I’ve had this act going for so long I don’t know how to move forward without hurting people. I don’t want to wait till I’m dead or back in jail to wish I had done something different. I don’t really know what I’m asking for or maybe I’m just venting. Didn’t know where else to put this. Thanks
Hi MsPink24, If AA isn't your thing, maybe try out SMART or Lifering meetings in your area. Or maybe get the Rational Recovery book, you can get it on Amazon, etc. Also keep posting on here too. I wish you the best.
Remember, you've done this before so you can do it again.
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