Need Advice for a Friend Please
Need Advice for a Friend Please
Hey Y'all,
Never thought know it all me would be asking for advice, but I need it.
I've got a friend who drinks a lot. I mean every night. Not a lot as compared to how much I drank, but enough.
I've know him for thirty five years and am in a quandary and don't know what to do.
He told me two days ago he's going to quit drinking, and he drinks rum and coke, for his diet.
I don't think he can do it. In fact, by his text this evening I think he's drinking now.
He actually brags about how much and often he drinks. He drinks in the morning and sees nothing wrong with it.
So, my question is, what do I do? Or do I just stay out of his business altogether?
Do I say something? Do I leave it alone?
I want to help, but remember how I felt when someone told me I drank too much when I was active. Resentment.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanx.
Never thought know it all me would be asking for advice, but I need it.
I've got a friend who drinks a lot. I mean every night. Not a lot as compared to how much I drank, but enough.
I've know him for thirty five years and am in a quandary and don't know what to do.
He told me two days ago he's going to quit drinking, and he drinks rum and coke, for his diet.
I don't think he can do it. In fact, by his text this evening I think he's drinking now.
He actually brags about how much and often he drinks. He drinks in the morning and sees nothing wrong with it.
So, my question is, what do I do? Or do I just stay out of his business altogether?
Do I say something? Do I leave it alone?
I want to help, but remember how I felt when someone told me I drank too much when I was active. Resentment.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thanx.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
To be honest:
Next time he tells you he's gonna quit drinking, I would say something like, "Hey, just be careful if you quit cold turkey because I heard it can cause weird symptoms for your nervous system. I've been told that people even get seizures, it would be smart to consult a doctor and be blatantly honest about how much alcohol you have been consuming."
This way you're not being a jerk, but you're also striking the idea in his head that his drinking is probably not normal. And moreover, he's less likely to have a medical emergency in an unsupervised setting.
Next time he tells you he's gonna quit drinking, I would say something like, "Hey, just be careful if you quit cold turkey because I heard it can cause weird symptoms for your nervous system. I've been told that people even get seizures, it would be smart to consult a doctor and be blatantly honest about how much alcohol you have been consuming."
This way you're not being a jerk, but you're also striking the idea in his head that his drinking is probably not normal. And moreover, he's less likely to have a medical emergency in an unsupervised setting.
To be honest:
Next time he tells you he's gonna quit drinking, I would say something like, "Hey, just be careful if you quit cold turkey because I heard it can cause weird symptoms for your nervous system. I've been told that people even get seizures, it would be smart to consult a doctor and be blatantly honest about how much alcohol you have been consuming."
This way you're not being a jerk, but you're also striking the idea in his head that his drinking is probably not normal. And moreover, he's less likely to have a medical emergency in an unsupervised setting.
Next time he tells you he's gonna quit drinking, I would say something like, "Hey, just be careful if you quit cold turkey because I heard it can cause weird symptoms for your nervous system. I've been told that people even get seizures, it would be smart to consult a doctor and be blatantly honest about how much alcohol you have been consuming."
This way you're not being a jerk, but you're also striking the idea in his head that his drinking is probably not normal. And moreover, he's less likely to have a medical emergency in an unsupervised setting.
And even if he isn't going soon, the rest of what you said makes sense also.
Thanks.
well, he told you he was going to quit, so my impression of that is that he DOES see “something wrong” with it, regardless whether he is still drinking or not.
and it’s great that it has already come up as a topic of conversation, so an opening is there.
i would likely just ask how it’s going with the quitting effort and reiterate that i have some experience with drinking and quitting and i would offer to share that, if he is interested.
and it’s great that it has already come up as a topic of conversation, so an opening is there.
i would likely just ask how it’s going with the quitting effort and reiterate that i have some experience with drinking and quitting and i would offer to share that, if he is interested.
well, he told you he was going to quit, so my impression of that is that he DOES see “something wrong” with it, regardless whether he is still drinking or not.
and it’s great that it has already come up as a topic of conversation, so an opening is there.
i would likely just ask how it’s going with the quitting effort and reiterate that i have some experience with drinking and quitting and i would offer to share that, if he is interested.
and it’s great that it has already come up as a topic of conversation, so an opening is there.
i would likely just ask how it’s going with the quitting effort and reiterate that i have some experience with drinking and quitting and i would offer to share that, if he is interested.
We were drinking buddies, so he's knows how bad I was.
But I'll ask him. Good idea.
I would casually ask how the sobriety is going and see what he says. Perhaps, if the opportunity is there, say something to him about your sobriety and the struggle to get sober. Just let him know you understand.
I hope he'll stop drinking.
I hope he'll stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
The sober seed has been planted. Thats good you are a cool friend. Being this is a selfish disease. Like they say give it away in order to keep it. Giving him the heads up on the cold turkey move is also cool. Cause you is not lieing about it. Gives him a chance to think it out. For the master plan. ✌
Thank you all very much. Some very wise advice here.
Yes, I think I'll mention 'How's the quitting drinking going?'
I think the idea to offer to take him to a meeting is a good one, too. I was thinking about that.
I'll ask him tonight how it's going.
Thanks again !
Yes, I think I'll mention 'How's the quitting drinking going?'
I think the idea to offer to take him to a meeting is a good one, too. I was thinking about that.
I'll ask him tonight how it's going.
Thanks again !
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
I would have never went to a meeting with a close friend. Meetings,again for me,were my 'safe place' to focus on myself and my problem and I don't think I would have been as 'open/honest' about my problem with my buddy setting there. Again..that's just me and there's nothing wrong with offering.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
I would have never went to a meeting with a close friend. Meetings,again for me,were my 'safe place' to focus on myself and my problem and I don't think I would have been as 'open/honest' about my problem with my buddy setting there. Again..that's just me and there's nothing wrong with offering.
This is especially hard when it's a friend. We have been friends since college, and I'd certainly put him in the top two or three of my closest and long lasting of friends. It would be easier to tell him if I were not so close. He hasn't killed himself yet, so I overlook it. He's still in fairly good health.
Thanks to both of you.
My friend isn't the type to go to a first meeting alone. If he were to go, I know I'd have to go with him, which is fine and I know just the meeting we could go to.
I know this person very well. I texted him last nigh and asked how the not drinking was going, but he had an accident and is in a lot of pain. He's in the E R now.
We have a very long term, trusting relationship so I don't feel uncomfortable at all about drinking.
I should have mentioned, if I didn't already, he knows he has a problem. He may not be dead yet but the sauce isn't exactly helping his health.
I'll wait for the right moment and casually ask him how it's going.
Thanks for the replies, ya'all are aces
My friend isn't the type to go to a first meeting alone. If he were to go, I know I'd have to go with him, which is fine and I know just the meeting we could go to.
I know this person very well. I texted him last nigh and asked how the not drinking was going, but he had an accident and is in a lot of pain. He's in the E R now.
We have a very long term, trusting relationship so I don't feel uncomfortable at all about drinking.
I should have mentioned, if I didn't already, he knows he has a problem. He may not be dead yet but the sauce isn't exactly helping his health.
I'll wait for the right moment and casually ask him how it's going.
Thanks for the replies, ya'all are aces
I think he knows you do not drink anymore and he is asking for your help in his way. He brought it up. This is a good thing. Absolutely discuss withdrawl. Maybe suggest rehab or a doctor’s help. Go to meetings with him. Try to get him to seek out help and he doesn’t have to go it alone.
Good thoughts.
He may be asking for help just by saying, "I'm not going to drink any more."
He wasn't drinking yesterday, as far as I could tell. His resolve sounds strong.
I think he may have had some kind of scare, like an anxiety attack during a bad hangover.
I'll call him again today and see how he's doing. But he tried to hide his drinking, so I'm not too sure. And he's laid up from an accident which worries me.
I'm going to be sublime about my approach. I just want him to know he's not alone and that I understand.
He may be asking for help just by saying, "I'm not going to drink any more."
He wasn't drinking yesterday, as far as I could tell. His resolve sounds strong.
I think he may have had some kind of scare, like an anxiety attack during a bad hangover.
I'll call him again today and see how he's doing. But he tried to hide his drinking, so I'm not too sure. And he's laid up from an accident which worries me.
I'm going to be sublime about my approach. I just want him to know he's not alone and that I understand.
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