Kaily

Thanks for this reminder. I still often glorify it in my mind, thinking how nice it would be, a bit of oblivion. Favourite TV show on, big cuddly blanket and a bottle of Vodka. Reality is that just like you I would pass out, not remember what I watched, hate myself, reinstate my cravings to the max. Feel pain and regret like no other yet still not be able to stop.

Thomas I am glad you are back.

Delilah1

Hi Jeff,

I’m sorry about the job, but it sounds like it wasn’t s healthy environment for you to be working in. You’ve got lots of great work experience, and I have no doubt you will find something you love and that feels right. If you need to find something right away you may be able to find a temporary position just for the holidays and then look for something long term after the new year.

Keep checking in.

Cosima11

I'm sorry to read this thomas. I've also followed your story and think we have some things in common (I'm from the state you live in, I'm also trying to be a realtor and mostly failing thus far). I think there's like a 90% drop out rate actually, or something like that. It requires playing the long game and that can be hard to sustain while tending to daily life.

So this could be totally off base advice, but for the sake of encouraging you to stick with it.. What about working on a team? It’s obviously not ideal as the goal is to eventually have people working under you, not the other way around.. but it’s a way to gain experience and start earning an income from it now rather than later. Also, what about looking into the investment side of things? It’s not the get rich quick scheme it’s often made out to be but I think if you’re in the profession already it’s at least somewhat realistic to find ways to do it.

I only make these suggestions as they’re things I’ve considered (I’m actively pursuing the investing side and giving myself at least one more year trying to do it on my own before joining a team). As for the sobriety aspect.. I agree with everyone who said you don't need to let this carry on. Not sure if you subscribe to a specific recovery method but if so, now would be a good time to dig further into how it can help you address any future feelings of unworthiness or failure.

MythOfSisyphus

That's tough, Thomas11! I've only been fired once and it was a terrible experience. I actually thought I was being called into the office for a promotion as my UM had just met with me to discuss my stats- she was very pleases as I was among the very top performers. Only much later I learned it had nothing to do with me, I had just been the leading edge of a purge that resulted in 1/3 of the staff of my location being let go.

I won't pile on or beat you up; you know you screwed up and you know it didn't help. Everyone on this forum has dealt with the shame and desperation that comes from addiction. As DEE and others have said, let this be a stumble and not a tumble down into a well of drunken despair. Get back up, dust yourself off and make a plan. Be kind to yourself, but hold yourself accountable. There will be better days ahead!

Fusion

I’m sorry to read of your job situation, Thomas. I drank after two and half years sober, just reverted to my old, utterly inadequate and destructive coping mechanism, after bereavement, plus horrible other issues thereafter, no excuses though, I should’ve stopped immediately that day.

I kept on drinking, reverting back to all day, everyday. It took me over six months to dig out of that hole, after reposting on SR. The difference is, Thomas, you’ve posted straight away, which is so positive and bodes very well for this being a blip (and not doing what Idid......)

CupofJoe

Sorry about your job. But it does sound toxic and I hope you find something better.

And I hope you are able to get back into sobriety. Take it as a learning experience and keep moving forward. Don't let this derail you.

And thank you for sharing. You've helped many, including me.

Hope your day goes well.

Dee74

jeff - how are you doing man?

D

thomas11

Hi Dee, I'm doing pretty good. I was able to shut it down and not go back for more. Physically felt pretty darn crappy for 2 days. I swear having moderate withdrawals are worse than having the full blown flu.
I'm a terrible alcoholic, while drinking and/or recovering nothing gets done. I mean nothing. So the whole episode is a big waste of time.

biminiblue

Be gentle with yourself. It takes a little while after losing a job, regardless of the reason(s) for it. I know from past experience that there is a lot to work through - and you will!

I'm really happy to hear you didn't pick up any more drinks.

entropy1964

Shutting down your drinking IS getting something done. That is huge. If I relapse I know the only thing that will stop me is an institution. That's just how bad it is. So I am very impressed that you stopped obsession after 1 session and are back on track.

That is huge.

CupofJoe

Recovering after a relapse is huge. I'm glad you're back on track.

Hope your day goes well.

nez

It is only a waste if you learn nothing or don't apply what is learned going forward or don't get into action and stay in action on what was learned.

I was sober 5 years and returned to drinking because I wasn't quite all the way broken yet. I still had things to learn. Being finally broken by my return to drinking was the best thing that could have happened to me, although I didn't realize it at the time. My further research and studies into drinking were done.

The student was finally ready. I applied all the lessons going forward, got into action, and have stayed in action for the past 16 years. All I can say is WOW!. Being broken was a blessing because my mind, body, and soul are stronger and better as a result. And they keep getting better as long as I keep working!

Stay the course. The gift of sobriety and recovery are worth being broken. Broken is temporary. Recovery can be ongoing.

Dee74

Nez pretty much posted what I would have, Jeff.
Read the post. It's gold

D

Delilah1

Nez’ Advice is spot on. I am currently reading Dare to Lead by Brene Brown, and she writes a lot about feeling shame, and self talk. Remember to be kind to yourself, and say the same thing you would to someone else who came on here and posted something similar. Brene writes great books on leadership, and she is also a recovered alcoholic.

Sending lots of love your way.

❤️Delilah

saoutchik

I have been harshly let go in the past, it was a tremendous blow to my self esteem so I can empathize with how you were feeling. Your response to drinking - logging on to SR and posting immediately was a very grown-up response and bodes well I think. Your recovery is still intact. I also feel that a workplace that wants people to feel fear is never going to work out well in the long run, not for employees or for them (even if, like you, you liked the job) It might turn out to be a good thing in the long term.

Good luck Jeff and well done for not letting a trip become a fall.

MythOfSisyphus

Yep, stronger in the broken places. You will rise from the ashes like the Phoenix, Jeff! You can do this. Your boss sucked, so don't let a crappy person like that control how you feel and act.

August252015

How are you Jeff?

Delilah - I adore and respect Brene Brown so much. I didn't know til she wrote and article last spring that she celebrated 23 yrs sober!! Daring Greatly - the courage to be vulnerable which she intimately connects to each other- is my favorite work. If you enjoy her, look up the Netflix special that came out this year.
It's a whole episode without one word about sobriety or recovery, but the threads of it and the lessons she has learned and way she seeks to live are all woven throughout.

Delilah1

I will definitely look that up. I love her too, I love the idea of being in the arena and rumbling, the importance of being vulnerable, and just how real she is. Thanks August!

thomas11

Hi August, I am doing fine. Thanks for checking in.

Thanks to all who have been a part of this thread. As I've s aid before, all of you are wonderful.

ScottFromWI

Hey Jeff:

I've had a mountain of change in my life in the past few months - new job that requires a huge amount of travel, going back to school, teenage kids, you name it. As a result I haven't been around SR much either and i'm catching up on this thread now. Really sorry to hear you drank but also glad to see that you were able to cut it off quickly - I remember how bad things were for you back when you first quit. I was that bad back when I first quit too.

My absence from SR for a bit really showed me how important it is to be involved in a supportive community. I did not drink but i can definitely tell that I was missing a big part of my life by not participating enough here. I wish you good fortune in putting the pieces back together - I know you are a very resourceful and motivated person professionally so you will figure that part of it out. Let SR help you with the other part.