My Christmas Carol
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
My Christmas Carol
With Canadian Thanksgiving here, and our holidays on their way, I thought I might share an experience.
It was the night before Christmas (really, it was Christmas Eve) and we had gathered at one of my sister's home for a Christmas Eve dinner and then I was taking my children to Midnight Mass. I believe this was 1994.
We had a great dinner and noisy fun. Afterwards we played cards around the table and the desert was a variety of Italian pastries including some round cookie fudge balls with a light coating of sugar. Yum. I asked another one of my sisters, not the one who made the desert pastries, but who was eating the cookies, "There's no funny stuff in them, is there?" And she, who knew I can't drink, told me no, no, they were fine.
So I ate one. It was delicious.
A surge of current went through me. It started in my mouth and spread through my entire body. I felt as if every cell in my body came suddenly out of hibernation, was jolted awake, and was energized.
I asked my sister who made the desert how she had made them, if there were any alcohol in them. She said, "Nah, not really, I used a few ounces of rum, but not a lot, nothing really."
If ever there were any doubt in my mind that I cannot drink, it was confirmed in that one electrifying moment when my entire being screamed out for the alcohol it had been, at that time, deprived of for over five years. They say it is progressive: it is.
My whole system settled down almost immediately, but I was emotionally shaken.
Obviously there was no need to change my anniversary date over this, and I had always heard the warning stories in AA about holiday foods so I had always been careful, but ever since then I have been a little extra careful.
I'm not afraid, but I remember that feeling even to this moment, and I'm aware.
It was the night before Christmas (really, it was Christmas Eve) and we had gathered at one of my sister's home for a Christmas Eve dinner and then I was taking my children to Midnight Mass. I believe this was 1994.
We had a great dinner and noisy fun. Afterwards we played cards around the table and the desert was a variety of Italian pastries including some round cookie fudge balls with a light coating of sugar. Yum. I asked another one of my sisters, not the one who made the desert pastries, but who was eating the cookies, "There's no funny stuff in them, is there?" And she, who knew I can't drink, told me no, no, they were fine.
So I ate one. It was delicious.
A surge of current went through me. It started in my mouth and spread through my entire body. I felt as if every cell in my body came suddenly out of hibernation, was jolted awake, and was energized.
I asked my sister who made the desert how she had made them, if there were any alcohol in them. She said, "Nah, not really, I used a few ounces of rum, but not a lot, nothing really."
If ever there were any doubt in my mind that I cannot drink, it was confirmed in that one electrifying moment when my entire being screamed out for the alcohol it had been, at that time, deprived of for over five years. They say it is progressive: it is.
My whole system settled down almost immediately, but I was emotionally shaken.
Obviously there was no need to change my anniversary date over this, and I had always heard the warning stories in AA about holiday foods so I had always been careful, but ever since then I have been a little extra careful.
I'm not afraid, but I remember that feeling even to this moment, and I'm aware.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
Thanks for this, Colorado Rocky.
When I was in rehab, they told us to not freak out if we had a wee bit of accidental alcohol like you you did.
They used the example of picking up the wrong glass at a party or sipping a tiny sip of champagne during a toast, perhaps at a wedding.
My brain LATCHED on to that like a drowning person does to a life raft! "Sooooo....I CAN have a teeny sip of champagne? Like a normie?"
About 8 months after rehab, I did have a tiny sip (my nephew's wedding) and like you, my body was ELECTRIFIED and my brain was EXCITED and I began my first descent into a full-fledged relapse that lasted for several months.
Thanks for the reminder!
OH! My daughter got married last month and I made SURE it was sparkling cider in my champagne glass.
When I was in rehab, they told us to not freak out if we had a wee bit of accidental alcohol like you you did.
They used the example of picking up the wrong glass at a party or sipping a tiny sip of champagne during a toast, perhaps at a wedding.
My brain LATCHED on to that like a drowning person does to a life raft! "Sooooo....I CAN have a teeny sip of champagne? Like a normie?"
About 8 months after rehab, I did have a tiny sip (my nephew's wedding) and like you, my body was ELECTRIFIED and my brain was EXCITED and I began my first descent into a full-fledged relapse that lasted for several months.
Thanks for the reminder!
OH! My daughter got married last month and I made SURE it was sparkling cider in my champagne glass.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 732
The other day I was starving hungry so I had a microwave lasagne and wolfed it down. Towards the final bite I noticed I could taste wine and I looked on the ingredients and sure enough it had wine in it. I'm not sure if it's psychological but for a couple of days afterwards I was agitated and thinking of alcohol a lot, something I haven't done in months. Apparently those gaba receptors sit there waiting forever for even minute amounts of alcohol and if they detect it they get reawakened!
I'm very careful at Christmas to check all ingredients, apart from the time I bought brandy butter and it actually being called brandy butter lol
I'm very careful at Christmas to check all ingredients, apart from the time I bought brandy butter and it actually being called brandy butter lol
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Thanks for the reminder
There have been multiple occasions like this I can recall. In our stores here, they used to sell marinated pork - the marinade was rum and cherry. They had it both in the meat section (by according to weight) or packaged on the shelves. When you read the package info, there was a small amount of rum there ofc.
The other one was an ice cream, actually. There's an iconic liqueur here that people still give as a gift when they travel etc. So they started making an ice cream flavour, too. Well, I bought it once without a second thought because it was on sale. I wasn't particularly on the wagon then, guess it was just a dry spell, but it upset me to realise it indeed had booze in it. Of course that was pure stupidity, because it was more like buying a cake with a huge Smirnoff sign on it and then thinking it 'might not have any vodka in it'.
Even these trace amounts are scary. Few years back when I went to Australia, a friend took me to a winery. I'd been 5 months sober by that time and had a thumb of some pink wine. Hand on heart, I was buzzing for like 90 minutes from that.
It's really scary to think that even that small an amount can cause such a reaction in the body and brain. No surprise then about the subsequent events if you'd have an entire beer or sth after months of sober time :/
There have been multiple occasions like this I can recall. In our stores here, they used to sell marinated pork - the marinade was rum and cherry. They had it both in the meat section (by according to weight) or packaged on the shelves. When you read the package info, there was a small amount of rum there ofc.
The other one was an ice cream, actually. There's an iconic liqueur here that people still give as a gift when they travel etc. So they started making an ice cream flavour, too. Well, I bought it once without a second thought because it was on sale. I wasn't particularly on the wagon then, guess it was just a dry spell, but it upset me to realise it indeed had booze in it. Of course that was pure stupidity, because it was more like buying a cake with a huge Smirnoff sign on it and then thinking it 'might not have any vodka in it'.
Even these trace amounts are scary. Few years back when I went to Australia, a friend took me to a winery. I'd been 5 months sober by that time and had a thumb of some pink wine. Hand on heart, I was buzzing for like 90 minutes from that.
It's really scary to think that even that small an amount can cause such a reaction in the body and brain. No surprise then about the subsequent events if you'd have an entire beer or sth after months of sober time :/
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by kk1k5x 
...Even these trace amounts are scary. Few years back when I went to Australia, a friend took me to a winery. I'd been 5 months sober by that time and had a thumb of some pink wine. Hand on heart, I was buzzing for like 90 minutes from that.
It's really scary to think that even that small an amount can cause such a reaction in the body and brain....
There's no point in going into the cellular biology of it, but once you cross the line to where you cannot drink, if alcohol gets into your system, the news spreads like wild fire throughout your body: "Alcohol! Alcohol! C'mon guys wake up, here we go!!!!"
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