Glad to be back, looking for some help with strategies
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 42
Glad to be back, looking for some help with strategies
Hey everyone,
I posted here last year, but I don't really want to use my old login (nor do I remember the credentials). I hope the mods don't mind.
I've been stopping and starting for years now. My drink of choice is vodka. I'll go about 2-3 weeks drinking it everyday and then stop for a week or two until the desire returns. But those 2-3 weeks take such a toll on my plans in life, nevermind my body. I'm afraid my life will just pass me by in a drunken stupor. I'm tired of saying to myself, "How is it (insert month here) already?"
But it's tough. I'm very resistant to going to AA when I'm sober. I'm much more open to going when I'm buzzed. I know they would likely accept that if I was honest about it, but I'm afraid of the bad cycle that would start.
And when I'm sober, after about the first few days, I begin to feel this inner sadness. I become a totally different person. My thoughts are somehow less clear when sober (probably because I am more anxious). I begin to miss the "cheat code" that alcohol can be. Alcohol has helped me in many ways. When I'm sober I tend to become a hermit, but with alcohol I go out and get things done. But I'm aware that it's a deal with the devil. My body is beginning to suffer consequences. And my relationships are at risk.
I need a plan. I need to enjoy being sober. For about 8 months I traveled the world and one of the highlights for me was hiking through the jungles in Costa Rica. I think outdoors activities might be a good hobby to get into. I've ordered "This Naked Mind" after hearing about it so much. It should arrive tomorrow. Now I'm trying to taper down so I can have a strong sober day tomorrow. If you have any suggestions, please give them to me. I'm shooting for a few months this time, not a few weeks.
I posted here last year, but I don't really want to use my old login (nor do I remember the credentials). I hope the mods don't mind.
I've been stopping and starting for years now. My drink of choice is vodka. I'll go about 2-3 weeks drinking it everyday and then stop for a week or two until the desire returns. But those 2-3 weeks take such a toll on my plans in life, nevermind my body. I'm afraid my life will just pass me by in a drunken stupor. I'm tired of saying to myself, "How is it (insert month here) already?"
But it's tough. I'm very resistant to going to AA when I'm sober. I'm much more open to going when I'm buzzed. I know they would likely accept that if I was honest about it, but I'm afraid of the bad cycle that would start.
And when I'm sober, after about the first few days, I begin to feel this inner sadness. I become a totally different person. My thoughts are somehow less clear when sober (probably because I am more anxious). I begin to miss the "cheat code" that alcohol can be. Alcohol has helped me in many ways. When I'm sober I tend to become a hermit, but with alcohol I go out and get things done. But I'm aware that it's a deal with the devil. My body is beginning to suffer consequences. And my relationships are at risk.
I need a plan. I need to enjoy being sober. For about 8 months I traveled the world and one of the highlights for me was hiking through the jungles in Costa Rica. I think outdoors activities might be a good hobby to get into. I've ordered "This Naked Mind" after hearing about it so much. It should arrive tomorrow. Now I'm trying to taper down so I can have a strong sober day tomorrow. If you have any suggestions, please give them to me. I'm shooting for a few months this time, not a few weeks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Quit drinking.
That's my suggestion. You can't give your body or mind a week or two after drinking vodka every day for three weeks a chance to properly return to it's natural state and chemical balance.
It can take months, everyone's different. You seem caught up in a vicious cycle.
Me thinks that needs to be broken before you can make progress to sobriety.
You've got a complicated problem that there's not much more I can offer you except stopping drinking for more than a couple of weeks.
I feel you need to find your true self, not the one whose more able to get things done while drinking.
You are dealing with the devil. I'm glad you realize that. Play with fire long enough and your going to get burned.
Best to you.
That's my suggestion. You can't give your body or mind a week or two after drinking vodka every day for three weeks a chance to properly return to it's natural state and chemical balance.
It can take months, everyone's different. You seem caught up in a vicious cycle.
Me thinks that needs to be broken before you can make progress to sobriety.
You've got a complicated problem that there's not much more I can offer you except stopping drinking for more than a couple of weeks.
I feel you need to find your true self, not the one whose more able to get things done while drinking.
You are dealing with the devil. I'm glad you realize that. Play with fire long enough and your going to get burned.
Best to you.
I hope you'll use the support here to help you stop drinking for good.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Joe, I felt incredibly sad after the first few days of sobriety. I think many people do. It takes time for your emotions to settle and to begin to feel good. I think you should allow several weeks, if not months, before you judge that you're sad. Your body needs a chance to heal.
And, AA is a great option, but there are other recovery methods, too. AVRT is one that is good, and sometimes people cobble together a plan that works for them.
And, AA is a great option, but there are other recovery methods, too. AVRT is one that is good, and sometimes people cobble together a plan that works for them.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome back. Not sure what advice you were given under your previous login. I hope the help you get this time brings you sobriety.
For me, a plan to quit for just a few weeks or months was really just a plan to drink in a few months. I succeeded in getting and staying sober when I accepted never drinking again. Taking it completely off the table as an option. No matter how much I liked drinking, I had to be done with it. And I am.
Originally Posted by Joe787 
I'm shooting for a few months this time, not a few weeks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Joe787
I'm shooting for a few months this time, not a few weeks.
ya say this:
I need a plan. I need to enjoy being sober.
But those 2-3 weeks take such a toll on my plans in life, nevermind my body. I'm afraid my life will just pass me by in a drunken stupor. I'm tired of saying to myself, "How is it (insert month here) already?"
but then want to shoot for a few months. i suggest stopping the self sabotage first. its gotta be all or nothing- stop drinking for good or continue the viscious cycle where some day youll be tired of saying to yourself ," "How is it (insert year here) already?"
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 517
IMO there are 3 different types of problem drinkers.
Those who abuse alcohol temporarily for a period of their lives and one day they say "I'm done" and hey presto .... they are. You'll see their advice here in comments like "you can do it, just make up your mind once and for all"
Those who chronically abuse for a period of time but one day something happened, loss of job, family kicks them out, brush with the law ... they say they are done and hey presto, they are.
Third category is the hopeless type, no matter what happens, they drink, no matter what happens they drink, no matter what they or anyone else says, they drink.
This is who AA was originally intended for.
What category will you be ?
Those who abuse alcohol temporarily for a period of their lives and one day they say "I'm done" and hey presto .... they are. You'll see their advice here in comments like "you can do it, just make up your mind once and for all"
Those who chronically abuse for a period of time but one day something happened, loss of job, family kicks them out, brush with the law ... they say they are done and hey presto, they are.
Third category is the hopeless type, no matter what happens, they drink, no matter what happens they drink, no matter what they or anyone else says, they drink.
This is who AA was originally intended for.
What category will you be ?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
I,m sorry your struggling .
I,m age 63 and was in a way like you for years . In my younger years 20s its was every weekend then the weekends went into thurs-mon and the progression continued to sometimes week long binges . Moving to present Ive had good periods of sobriety but I relapsed a short time about 10 days ago for one day ( if your interested see my thread . ) That one day was enough to set off the obsession of wanting more alcohol . ( my explanation is in another thread)
To YOUR point , Let me tell you even after 16 months of sobriety one day drinking was 100 times worse than it was in my 30s ,40,s .
It WILL work it,s way into your body and cause all sorts of damage and thats including your brain . Quit now or suffer a miserable existance .
Am I scare mongering ? make your own mind up. Im telling you what will happen if you continue binging on vodka or any alcohol ,
I hope you can find a way to stay sober , good luck.
I,m age 63 and was in a way like you for years . In my younger years 20s its was every weekend then the weekends went into thurs-mon and the progression continued to sometimes week long binges . Moving to present Ive had good periods of sobriety but I relapsed a short time about 10 days ago for one day ( if your interested see my thread . ) That one day was enough to set off the obsession of wanting more alcohol . ( my explanation is in another thread)
To YOUR point , Let me tell you even after 16 months of sobriety one day drinking was 100 times worse than it was in my 30s ,40,s .
It WILL work it,s way into your body and cause all sorts of damage and thats including your brain . Quit now or suffer a miserable existance .
Am I scare mongering ? make your own mind up. Im telling you what will happen if you continue binging on vodka or any alcohol ,
I hope you can find a way to stay sober , good luck.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I'm going to give it to you straight Joe. IMO you are drinking due to (at least) two big factors. Fear and some level of depression. You can't now imagine ending your drinking because it gives you (temporary) relief from both of these things. If you continue to binge your health will decline to a point where you may not be fully able to recover it.
Your fear likely is keeping you from seeking a more permanent solution to the hamster wheel you are currently spinning. But you CAN end it if you can muster the courage to do something different. I'd recommend you try AA. Its worked for thousands of folks. If that does not work I'd get into an alcohol treatment program of some sort.
In any event you need to do something different.
I think you can.
Your fear likely is keeping you from seeking a more permanent solution to the hamster wheel you are currently spinning. But you CAN end it if you can muster the courage to do something different. I'd recommend you try AA. Its worked for thousands of folks. If that does not work I'd get into an alcohol treatment program of some sort.
In any event you need to do something different.
I think you can.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
derringer
Third category is the hopeless type, no matter what happens, they drink, no matter what happens they drink, no matter what they or anyone else says, they drink.
This is the progression and the insanity and unfortunately where most of us end up . We dont come to groups like this if we take the odd beer or even if we drink a bit too much now and then , we come here when were beat .
Well put
Third category is the hopeless type, no matter what happens, they drink, no matter what happens they drink, no matter what they or anyone else says, they drink.
This is the progression and the insanity and unfortunately where most of us end up . We dont come to groups like this if we take the odd beer or even if we drink a bit too much now and then , we come here when were beat .
Well put
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Joe,
Given your ground rules (no AA and you want to drink again in a few months), I suggest you take anta-buse and get off of it when you want to start drinking again. That's pretty simple. I'm sure the doctors will prescribe medications for depression and sleeping aids also.
Seems simple to me. You can quit as long as you want and go back whenever you want.
I'd also suggest you visit a forum for people who want to moderate or control their drinking. My understanding is that this forum is for people who want to quit drinking (you've already had people responding telling you to quit), but given the vast breadth of the internet, I'm sure you can find a forum for moderation.
I think there are even programs to teach you excellent strategies on how to drink only when you want to drink. Try them. It may work for you.
Given your ground rules (no AA and you want to drink again in a few months), I suggest you take anta-buse and get off of it when you want to start drinking again. That's pretty simple. I'm sure the doctors will prescribe medications for depression and sleeping aids also.
Seems simple to me. You can quit as long as you want and go back whenever you want.
I'd also suggest you visit a forum for people who want to moderate or control their drinking. My understanding is that this forum is for people who want to quit drinking (you've already had people responding telling you to quit), but given the vast breadth of the internet, I'm sure you can find a forum for moderation.
I think there are even programs to teach you excellent strategies on how to drink only when you want to drink. Try them. It may work for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Coloradorocky , your suggestion of anta-buse is an option but it depends where you live . In UK its not easy to get via the normal GP system .You would be refered to the NHS drink and drugs addiction people which can take at least a month and even then anta-buse is not thier first option of recovery ,its a slow process ,one which Ive been through and thier treatment for me was CBT , works for some but not for me . It is down to acceptance that alcohol is becoming problematic and the bad news is it WILL progress to darker areas .
Stopping dinking IS simple but not easy ( you will see that phrase loads on here )
look at Derringer's model , do you want to get to stage 3 ? I hope not .
Best of luck
Stopping dinking IS simple but not easy ( you will see that phrase loads on here )
look at Derringer's model , do you want to get to stage 3 ? I hope not .
Best of luck
Last edited by hpdw; 10-04-2019 at 04:34 PM. Reason: addition
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Joe
To beat my alcoholism I had to go all in - I had to acceopt that my relationship with alcohol had always been toxic and alwys would be. There was no amount of time that would 'reset' me or that relationshop.
Cutting alcohol out of my life, for good, has been a great thing.
I've been given so many gifts in recovery, and the gifts keep coming - and all I had to do was give up drinking alcohol.
D
To beat my alcoholism I had to go all in - I had to acceopt that my relationship with alcohol had always been toxic and alwys would be. There was no amount of time that would 'reset' me or that relationshop.
Cutting alcohol out of my life, for good, has been a great thing.
I've been given so many gifts in recovery, and the gifts keep coming - and all I had to do was give up drinking alcohol.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 600
Joe, it sounds to me that you can’t picture a life without drinking. But drinking alcohol, in your case vodka, which was also my drink of choice, is not a productive nor positive way to approach life. As has been said. drinking is progressive. In my case, eventually, it was a quart a day, beginning first thing in the morning & continuing all day, every day. My liver enzymes were 10 times above normal with the associated red, puffy face & shaky hands which would calm down only by drinking more vodka. Continuing on this path, an alcoholic death would have been the result. Reading here I learned the tools that gave me the belief that I could live a better life without drinking. For me, a daily routine of exercise first thing in the morning, practicing gratitude, & positive thinking got me back to who I really was & what drinking had destroyed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 42
I appreciate all of the responses, guys. Thank you.
A lot of you rightfully keyed into the part where I said that I'm aiming for a few months of sobriety rather than for endless sobriety. That is definitely a sign of resignation on my part. But that is where I am right now. I've attempted getting sober many times over these last few years and I just want to be realistic. In my mind, it's strategic -- if I tell myself I'm sober forever, I might relapse next week. If I strive for a few months, maybe by month 2 I'll be able to figure out how to really live a truly sober life. But as doggonecarl said, it also just sets up a date for drinking in the future.
I know that ultimately I have to figure out a lot of the underlying issues I have. That's very difficult to do. But I will be here and I will seek resources and try to figure it out. This Naked Mind arrived today and I'm really enjoying it. I hope I can figure out a nice sober life again.
A lot of you rightfully keyed into the part where I said that I'm aiming for a few months of sobriety rather than for endless sobriety. That is definitely a sign of resignation on my part. But that is where I am right now. I've attempted getting sober many times over these last few years and I just want to be realistic. In my mind, it's strategic -- if I tell myself I'm sober forever, I might relapse next week. If I strive for a few months, maybe by month 2 I'll be able to figure out how to really live a truly sober life. But as doggonecarl said, it also just sets up a date for drinking in the future.
I know that ultimately I have to figure out a lot of the underlying issues I have. That's very difficult to do. But I will be here and I will seek resources and try to figure it out. This Naked Mind arrived today and I'm really enjoying it. I hope I can figure out a nice sober life again.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I just want to be realistic. In my mind, it's strategic -- if I tell myself I'm sober forever, I might relapse next week. If I strive for a few months, maybe by month 2 I'll be able to figure out how to really live a truly sober life.
It comes back to that I said about the toxic relationship - once you accept it is toxic and always will be it's a lot easier to face forever.
its the only rational choice.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I can appreciate your explanation.
I made may such deals with myself during my thirty plus year drinking career. And ya know what? I never made it to any of them.
I was incapable of quitting for thirty days. Mind you, I tried. Many times.
Then something came along: could I not drink for one day?
I found I could do that. Then, the next day, could I not drink for a day? I could do that, too.
Sure I had relapses. But the folks in AA were maintaining sobriety one day at a time, they told me.
I decided to keep going to meetings and trying to not drink one day at a time.
Slowly but surely it got planted in my pea brain that I could handle one day at a time.
I've been given a daily reprieve from alcohol for ten years and nine months now. If I keep myself in order I won't drink today.
I don't attend AA meetings any more, but I come here a lot.
See, I'm a real alcoholic. And I have been since my first drink at fourteen.
I drank alcoholically for over thirty years. I was a bad drunk. At the end it was most every day.
Coming here and reading stories like yours remind me what it's like out there, as place I never want to go back to and don't have to if I don't drink today.
I'm one drink away from a drunk. I realize this. There's no middle ground for me. It's all or nothing. I choose nothing. One day at a time.
I made may such deals with myself during my thirty plus year drinking career. And ya know what? I never made it to any of them.
I was incapable of quitting for thirty days. Mind you, I tried. Many times.
Then something came along: could I not drink for one day?
I found I could do that. Then, the next day, could I not drink for a day? I could do that, too.
Sure I had relapses. But the folks in AA were maintaining sobriety one day at a time, they told me.
I decided to keep going to meetings and trying to not drink one day at a time.
Slowly but surely it got planted in my pea brain that I could handle one day at a time.
I've been given a daily reprieve from alcohol for ten years and nine months now. If I keep myself in order I won't drink today.
I don't attend AA meetings any more, but I come here a lot.
See, I'm a real alcoholic. And I have been since my first drink at fourteen.
I drank alcoholically for over thirty years. I was a bad drunk. At the end it was most every day.
Coming here and reading stories like yours remind me what it's like out there, as place I never want to go back to and don't have to if I don't drink today.
I'm one drink away from a drunk. I realize this. There's no middle ground for me. It's all or nothing. I choose nothing. One day at a time.
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