PhoenixJ

I cannot do this stuff alone. I use SR, meetings and health professionals as needed. You do not have to do this alone- ever.

Well done on the meeting bit- a significant event.

My prayers and support to you.

Dee74

I hope you go Birdie.Think of it as fighting for your life?

D

Verdantia

The beautiful thing about this terrible disease is that you don't have to do it alone; so many people want to help you and help themselves, too, and I hope you go to the meeting. I found AA to be very helpful to me in early sobriety; both the rehabs I have been to were 12-step, and just having the face to face help of people who get it in a way that your husband never could, no matter how he might try, is precious and important. You can do this and you have lots of people rooting for you. Keep posting and don't drink!

birdie11

Thank you everyone! I can't tell you how much your support and encouragement means to me. I am committed to this early AM meeting tomorrow, I told my husband about it before I could lose my nerve. If I didn't tell him I could easily sleep in and pretend to myself it wasn't a big deal to skip. But I told him b/c I knew once I did I would have to go. We've never talked about AA, he's never asked me to do anything in particular, more like he's just ready to support me in whatever I choose to do. Anyway, he always brings me coffee in bed each morning and he was thrilled I wanted to do this and wanted to know how much earlier he should bring me my coffee so I could leave on time. I am still super nervous but I am for sure going tomorrow.

Hawkeye13

You did the first steps on your sober journey.

Well done!

PhoenixJ

Let us know how it goes. Remember- it is a meeting of people supporting each other, it is not meeting a world leader for peace talks.

brighterday1234

birdie11

I thought I would post an update. I didn't end up going to that early AM meeting. Well, I did technically drive there and sit in the parking lot but I couldn't bring myself to go in. I felt like such a mess - still hungover really, heart pounding, on the verge of tears... And truthfully the men to women ratio of the people I saw going in (only a couple of women) was intimidating for me. So anyway, I drove home. But I knew (and know) I need more support so last night I tried again - I went to an evening meeting just 5 minutes from my house. Got there early and walked right in before I could think about it too much. And it was great. Really nice welcoming people. I got my 24 hour chip and have plans to go back next week to the same meeting plus another womens meeting a different day at the same location. Thank you all again for your support and encouragement. I'm so glad I went - just to be surrounded by people that totally understand was really meaningful for me. It was scary to take that step but I'm happy that I finally did it.

djlook

birdie11

I am so proud of you. I know how much courage it takes to go to your first meeting. I'm also glad it was a good experience. I still remember picking up my 24-hour chip and how nervous I was. I'm still nervous picking up my medallions and I've been sober for 22 years. The best of luck to you and I'll keep you in my prayers. Thank you for sharing what you shared. It will help a lot of people.

Kaily

That's brilliant birdie, well done.

Hevyn

I'm glad you went to a meeting that suited you, birdie. Maybe it was meant to happen that way. You sound determined to get free & stay that way. I played with alcohol for 30 yrs. & didn't admit my dependence until my life was chaos. Thankfully, you've taken control & are not going to allow that to happen.

Dee74

way to go birdie

D

EndGameNYC

It's much too late for that. It's also a good start.

Hi birdie.

I was sober for twenty-five years, drank for three more, sober now for eight years. Lost everything each time. I don't recommend it.

Everything is more terrifying in my imagination than the reality of the experience when I allow myself to follow through on things that are important to me. My experience has been that the act of asking for help can be very powerful, up front and down the line. I made it a habit. Strength in numbers. Can you recall the feeling you had the last time someone asked you for help?

A lot of days in early sobriety just sucked, no matter what I did, and for much different reasons than when things don't go so well for me today. My complaints are minimal. I have a pretty good idea about what may have happened back then had I remained isolated.

I didn't like the thing that forced me to reach out for help, and I was not exactly waiting with open arms in anticipation of the kind of help I imagined I might get for that thing.

No tips, no tricks, no shortcuts. Everything for me between the time I acknowledged that I was killing myself with my drinking and the time I got sober was just procrastination. And that was a very long time, years, to put off what I was putting off.

There's no future in drinking. It's an unsustainable lifestyle that only frees us from the bondage of gravity sooner rather than later, but not before we abandon, sacrifice, or destroy everything that's dear to us, including the people we love.

You did a good thing. It's a start.

Dee74

how are things birdie?

D

birdie11

Things are going pretty well, thanks for asking Dee. Last night I went to the women's meeting and it was great. I didn't socialize much and left right after as I was feeling a little overwhelmed (in a good way), but I will be attending regularly. I am mainly just listening and getting used to actually going to meetings but I am going to start reading the Big Book today and think I will be getting a sponsor once I get more familiar with the people there. I know I need to make significant changes in my life in order to stay sober and I finally feel (after years and years of trying to get by with bare minimum amount of effort) ready to do that. I am a week sober today.