Ashamed
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Good morning. Hey friend no worries. Dust your knees off and join us on this journey. Starting now. I felt and did the same crap you were doing. Said bleep it I'm done. And boom I'm already at day 120. So let me tell you can do this!!! ✌
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi NewLife - welcome back 
No need to feel ashamed - every one of us has been there I think. I know I have,
All I can tell you is it took a lot of hard work; and a willingness to make changes in my life.
Not an accusation but a genuine question - how far are you willing to go to stop?
D
No need to feel ashamed - every one of us has been there I think. I know I have,
All I can tell you is it took a lot of hard work; and a willingness to make changes in my life.
Not an accusation but a genuine question - how far are you willing to go to stop?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Back in the day, I didnt have the right tools or
even the right knowledge of what addiction really
was and how it affected my own mind and body.
When I was placed into the hands of those capable
of teaching me about addiction and a program of recovery,
then I became willing, keeping an open mind to the
process and hung on tight to many before me who
achieve good quality recovery remaining sober one
day at a time.
Knowing that I never have to go thru anything
in life alone or by myself is hugely comforting.
Today, I try to not hesitate to ask for suggestions
pointing me in the right direction to achieve
a healthy, happy, honest way of life.
And.....that is what you are doing. Asking.
There are many ways to achieve sobriety and
to remain sober. For me, I was taught the AA
program of recovery which is a gift the keeps
on giving because it has helped me remain sober
for some 29 yrs now.
Following any kind of successful recovery program
on a daily bases, continuously thru out ones life, then
remaining sober becomes a way of life.
You, we, us , all can achieve quality sobriety.
even the right knowledge of what addiction really
was and how it affected my own mind and body.
When I was placed into the hands of those capable
of teaching me about addiction and a program of recovery,
then I became willing, keeping an open mind to the
process and hung on tight to many before me who
achieve good quality recovery remaining sober one
day at a time.
Knowing that I never have to go thru anything
in life alone or by myself is hugely comforting.
Today, I try to not hesitate to ask for suggestions
pointing me in the right direction to achieve
a healthy, happy, honest way of life.
And.....that is what you are doing. Asking.
There are many ways to achieve sobriety and
to remain sober. For me, I was taught the AA
program of recovery which is a gift the keeps
on giving because it has helped me remain sober
for some 29 yrs now.
Following any kind of successful recovery program
on a daily bases, continuously thru out ones life, then
remaining sober becomes a way of life.
You, we, us , all can achieve quality sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I think most of us have experienced what you are going through right now, and yes there is often shame involved in it. And no, sympathy doesn't help much either. But the shame is there.
The next step is to put your energy into recovery. Are you ready to quit drinking forever regardless of what special occasion might require it? Are you ready to forego those special occasions, at least early on, so that you aren't tempted to drink?
There is joy and happiness in recovery, but there is also a deadly serious quality about it. You are confronted with what seems like insurmountable obstacles, most of which turn out to be red herrings in hindsight. When you try new solutions to drinking, you will discover things that work. Trying the same thing 10 times is not finding something new. It seems like it's new in that you feel like you are trying harder, but that isn't always the solution.
The next step is to put your energy into recovery. Are you ready to quit drinking forever regardless of what special occasion might require it? Are you ready to forego those special occasions, at least early on, so that you aren't tempted to drink?
There is joy and happiness in recovery, but there is also a deadly serious quality about it. You are confronted with what seems like insurmountable obstacles, most of which turn out to be red herrings in hindsight. When you try new solutions to drinking, you will discover things that work. Trying the same thing 10 times is not finding something new. It seems like it's new in that you feel like you are trying harder, but that isn't always the solution.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Next time you get to Day Four notice what you're thinking. Is it something like, "Ahhhh, I feel better now. I'm not hungover. I'll have a couple."
Or something like that?
Instead of doing the bidding of an Addiction that wants to kill you, make it to Day Five sober. Ignore any thought that leads to a drink. The thoughts about having a drink are going to be there, but they are just thoughts. Leave them alone, don't feed them, and they go away.
One day at a time. That's how I did it - really it's the only way to do it. I got up every morning and said, "I'm going to go to bed sober tonight." I posted and read on this site and kept reading and posting, especially on day four, five, six, two hundred. If I can do it, you can do it.
Or something like that?
Instead of doing the bidding of an Addiction that wants to kill you, make it to Day Five sober. Ignore any thought that leads to a drink. The thoughts about having a drink are going to be there, but they are just thoughts. Leave them alone, don't feed them, and they go away.
One day at a time. That's how I did it - really it's the only way to do it. I got up every morning and said, "I'm going to go to bed sober tonight." I posted and read on this site and kept reading and posting, especially on day four, five, six, two hundred. If I can do it, you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
That mental obsession is brutal. A huge part of the addiction. Much talk is spent on detox and how once you're out of the woods physically it gets easier. But that mental obsession can hang on .....that is the heart center of your addiction. And it will speak to you and manipulate you. If you can realize that that voice isn't the authentic you, but rather your addiction that wants nothing more than to drink, you can start to detach from it. When we try to quit drinking, the addiction goes into overdrive....like a caged animal that recognizes it's existence is threatened. It can 'feel' very over powering. But it is nothing...just a voice. YOU don't have to act on it.
Acceptance, total and complete, that drinking is off the table, is the only way to quiet the obsession. And time. And if you're simply quitting drinking and not changing your life to support that quit, that usually falls short, especially in the beginning.
A plan to keep yourself busy. To change up your routine. To engage with others like you, for example in AA, can support your efforts.
Change is huge, especially changing the patterns of addiction. Our brains are highly habituated to use alcohol. A paradigm shift is necessary to cause the brain changes to support new behaviors. And new ways of coping with life and feelings in general.
Acceptance, total and complete, that drinking is off the table, is the only way to quiet the obsession. And time. And if you're simply quitting drinking and not changing your life to support that quit, that usually falls short, especially in the beginning.
A plan to keep yourself busy. To change up your routine. To engage with others like you, for example in AA, can support your efforts.
Change is huge, especially changing the patterns of addiction. Our brains are highly habituated to use alcohol. A paradigm shift is necessary to cause the brain changes to support new behaviors. And new ways of coping with life and feelings in general.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by Newlife2606 
...I am not looking for sympathy just help. Someone tell me how to stay off booze...
It's Sunday. Go find an AA group today, right now. This afternoon, tonight, whatever.
Go with an open mind. Listen. Find someone you can talk to afterwards who sounded like they know how to stay off the booze.
Then do exactly what they tell you to do.
(If you like, report back here after and tell us how it went.)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
I think it's important to remember that stopping drinking and staying stopped are different. In order to maintain your sobriety, it will probably be helpful to have a plan in place for how to cope. What will you do during the times you would have been drinking? It's a good idea to stay away from people and places involving alcohol until you feel strong in your recovery. Take a look around here and read and be inspired.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by Newlife2606
Every time I try to stay dry I can't. I get to about 4 days and screw up. I am not looking for sympathy just help. Someone tell me how to stay off booze, I hate the bloody stuff
Stopping is probably the hardest thing anyone has to do in their life. It’s also one of the best things.
So, now we know there’s nothing to be ashamed of, can I ask what happens on day 4 or 5 to set you off again?
The urge to drink is super powerful in the early days. Many think they deserve a reward (a drink) after a few days, but that’s a real no no. That’s like pouring petrol on a smouldering fire. Just as your body is changing not to expect alcohol, a new batch arrives.
Please let me/us know what happens on day 4/5. One of us will have a tactic to deal with it, but bear in mind the early days of sobriety aren’t pleasant, but I promise you that gets better within weeks. Good luck and let us know.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 25
Hi all. Well I think on.day 4 I get the cravings around 5 in the afternoon and I just find myself ignoring the healthy voice in my head and acting like I'm not in control. I really hate it. I have a great life and I feel like I'm just throwing it away. I have a plan this week to get through day 4 as it will be a Wednesday so I'm driving to my sisters house to help my nephew with his running. That way I won't be in.the house by myself. I've spoken to my wife about it and about the hidden drinking. She was upset but glad I told her. I'm just trying to create a situation where i cant let myself away with this crap. I'm going to try really hard and I'll.post in here each day. I'll.need a lot of support guys so thank you in advance.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,060
At around day 4 the regret from the last drunk is diminishing and complacency about future drinking sets in. Reward time. Bam.
Be ready, you know its coming, it is reliable, never fails to show up. Get busy, walk run sing jump... whatever it takes.
Its tough but simple. Don't drink no matter what!
Be ready, you know its coming, it is reliable, never fails to show up. Get busy, walk run sing jump... whatever it takes.
Its tough but simple. Don't drink no matter what!
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by Newlife2606
Hi all. Well I think on.day 4 I get the cravings around 5 in the afternoon and I just find myself ignoring the healthy voice in my head and acting like I'm not in control. I really hate it. I have a great life and I feel like I'm just throwing it away. I have a plan this week to get through day 4 as it will be a Wednesday so I'm driving to my sisters house to help my nephew with his running. That way I won't be in.the house by myself. I've spoken to my wife about it and about the hidden drinking. She was upset but glad I told her. I'm just trying to create a situation where i cant let myself away with this crap. I'm going to try really hard and I'll.post in here each day. I'll.need a lot of support guys so thank you in advance.
Fighting that urge is one of hardest things I did. I did cheat and get a drug called Campral (Acamprosate) from my GP which helps reduce the urge to drink. But fight it you must. Your sleep may be affected too. Please believe me when I say these urges and sleep issues improve within a few weeks. Any slip ups or “rewards” will reignite those urges. It has to be a total quit I’m afraid.
Your plan to do something else at 5pm is ideal. Try that every day. Driving is perfect as you definitely won’t drink. As I say, it will get better after a few weeks (as long as you don’t drink at all).
Well done for discussing this with your wife too. Good luck tomorrow.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Hi Newlife, I know exactly how you feel although I rarely managed to get as far as day 4. I used to feel really pathetic.
I see you are going to help your nephew with his running - this is excellent. What got me through the evenings was going out running (jogging) circa 6am EVERY morning. Follow that with a days work and I had no problem going to bed fairly early and sober. It was like putting money in the bank you could draw on later in the day when it was needed. That's not very sophisticated or hi tech but it did help stifle the craving to drink, massively so I put it out there in case.
Good luck.
I see you are going to help your nephew with his running - this is excellent. What got me through the evenings was going out running (jogging) circa 6am EVERY morning. Follow that with a days work and I had no problem going to bed fairly early and sober. It was like putting money in the bank you could draw on later in the day when it was needed. That's not very sophisticated or hi tech but it did help stifle the craving to drink, massively so I put it out there in case.
Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 25
Great advice guys. I know with the best will in the world I can get caught out. Even when I am in good form and feel I'm control I know that cab change surprisingly quick. Like sometimes after a few whiskeys I'm like, how did that happen!? Well of course I know, I let myself give into the beast. It's hard for me to ask for help, I really struggle to feel vulnerable as I'm normally the one who fixes things for others, maybe that's where some of the stress comes from. I'll be busy each evening this week.as we are putting the house on the market. I think I can get through Wednesday, Thursday will be harder, Friday I'm safe as I'm out at a work thing and can drive. My plan along with some other things is to come in here around drink time, 5 gmt and check in here. The support is great but also seeing the sadness of people reminds me of the reality of this drug.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
One of the first things I had to do was change my life cos my old life had many many many drinking opportunities.
Don't be afraid to say no to invites. I'm not saying stay home and mope - but be a little clever about where you go and what you do for a while.
If you want to think about what a good recovery action plan might look like, this is a good link newlife
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
D
Don't be afraid to say no to invites. I'm not saying stay home and mope - but be a little clever about where you go and what you do for a while.
If you want to think about what a good recovery action plan might look like, this is a good link newlife
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html
D
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,944
If you’re selling your house, that’s not a great time to quit with all the stress, but anytime is the right time and maybe the extra work will focus your mind elsewhere.
You mentioned whisky. Do you have that in the house? If so....
The main thing is, and this will be especially hard if you’re moving, don’t feel you’ve earned a “reward” after a few days of sobriety or after a tough day. Your reward will come in a few weeks when you don’t feel like a drink anymore. That “just the one” will reset the urge meter to full power!
You mentioned whisky. Do you have that in the house? If so....
The main thing is, and this will be especially hard if you’re moving, don’t feel you’ve earned a “reward” after a few days of sobriety or after a tough day. Your reward will come in a few weeks when you don’t feel like a drink anymore. That “just the one” will reset the urge meter to full power!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
