Really dont want to live
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
Really dont want to live
I feel liike cancer would be a blessing Im so miserable.
I feel like worthless garbage.
The only reason Im still here is because Im a coward and cant end it.
No Im not drinking. It wont help. My self esteem is rock bottom
I feel like worthless garbage.
The only reason Im still here is because Im a coward and cant end it.
No Im not drinking. It wont help. My self esteem is rock bottom
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
I am sorry that you are having such a tough time ShiftHappens.
I remember feeling like that when I quit drugs some years back. For a long time, my first thought on waking was 'oh christ, not another day. I wish I was dead'. Gradually I emerged from that place and life got ok, then it got more than ok and now it is really good. I am not a fellowship person at all but I found some tapes by an AA old timer Bob Earle helpful. I don't go to AA but I am not above borrowing stuff that I find useful from anywhere I can find it . Bob resonated with me and he might do for you too;
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...NGU8GjDv533Htf
Are you getting support from anywhere Shift? It sounds like a lot to bear alone.
I remember feeling like that when I quit drugs some years back. For a long time, my first thought on waking was 'oh christ, not another day. I wish I was dead'. Gradually I emerged from that place and life got ok, then it got more than ok and now it is really good. I am not a fellowship person at all but I found some tapes by an AA old timer Bob Earle helpful. I don't go to AA but I am not above borrowing stuff that I find useful from anywhere I can find it . Bob resonated with me and he might do for you too;
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...NGU8GjDv533Htf
Are you getting support from anywhere Shift? It sounds like a lot to bear alone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
I am sorry you are feeling like this. It sounds like untreated alcoholism. Or it could be depression? Or both? How long ago was your last drink? And have you ever suffered depression or are you on any meds from your GP?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,518
Shift, 'You' are the change you need. You can change your thoughts and your perception. You are a very worthwhile person and I hope you begin to see that. You have a purpose in life, which you will find as you continue your recovery.
Try to do something nice for yourself, and try to do something nice for someone else. You will begin to feel a bit better.
Try to do something nice for yourself, and try to do something nice for someone else. You will begin to feel a bit better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Been there man. It’s one of the inevitable stops on the path of alcoholism. The question is are you done feeling this way? Are you willing to be patient with the process of recovery? That feeling doesn’t go away over night. Almost all of 2019 I was feeling the same. I just spent 5 days in an institution (involuntarily) because my friend called the cops because I had a gun in my mouth during a blackout.
30 days later and I feel infinitely better. I mean, there is still a lot of **** to deal with caused by my drinking, but I’m so far away from that guy that couldn’t find a reason to live that I can’t even believe that was me. And a reminder, our feelings are not truth. Especially when we’re not far removed from drinking. Drinking and addictive thoughts are almost always lies, especially the ones that tell us we’re worthless.
30 days later and I feel infinitely better. I mean, there is still a lot of **** to deal with caused by my drinking, but I’m so far away from that guy that couldn’t find a reason to live that I can’t even believe that was me. And a reminder, our feelings are not truth. Especially when we’re not far removed from drinking. Drinking and addictive thoughts are almost always lies, especially the ones that tell us we’re worthless.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
I'm really, really sorry you feel this way. I have been suicidal and it's horrible. I had an episode before I started drinking and when I was trying to get sober, I had some pretty dark times.
All I can say is that you're not worthless. No one is. Our minds can turn on us sometimes and make us feel that way. Please listen to us and not your thoughts.
I don't have any advice, just letting you know that I care. I hope things improve for you.
All I can say is that you're not worthless. No one is. Our minds can turn on us sometimes and make us feel that way. Please listen to us and not your thoughts.
I don't have any advice, just letting you know that I care. I hope things improve for you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 210
I'm where you are ShiftHappens.
The only way through hell is to keep going ~ Winston Churchill
Small steps and one day at a time, if you can try walking each day around a park or somewhere with water helps to exercise your lungs.
Reward yourself with a coffee/tea, hot chocolate/ice cream etc for the tiniest accomplishment you make each day. It's like learning to walk all over again, baby steps!
The only way through hell is to keep going ~ Winston Churchill
Small steps and one day at a time, if you can try walking each day around a park or somewhere with water helps to exercise your lungs.
Reward yourself with a coffee/tea, hot chocolate/ice cream etc for the tiniest accomplishment you make each day. It's like learning to walk all over again, baby steps!
I hope you'll feel better soon. 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by ShiftHappens 
I feel liike cancer would be a blessing Im so miserable.
i have seen many children with cancer fighting for their lives over the years. i have seen the families,too. their pain cant be hidden.
no, it wouldnt be a blessing.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi Shift
I'm sorry you're feeling so low still.
We as a community try our best to help but we're just ordinary folks here and sometimes people rock up here with problems beyond our expertise.
I hope, if you have a doctor or a counsellor, you'll go see them, or perhaps ring a crisis line and talk to someone?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
I was depressed for so long it felt normal to me - but there is a future after addiction and depression. You're worthy of looking for and finding help.
D
I'm sorry you're feeling so low still.
We as a community try our best to help but we're just ordinary folks here and sometimes people rock up here with problems beyond our expertise.
I hope, if you have a doctor or a counsellor, you'll go see them, or perhaps ring a crisis line and talk to someone?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
I was depressed for so long it felt normal to me - but there is a future after addiction and depression. You're worthy of looking for and finding help.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by tomsteve
i had a 2 1/2 year fight with melanoma and still have it.
i have seen many children with cancer fighting for their lives over the years. i have seen the families,too. their pain cant be hidden.
no, it wouldnt be a blessing.
i have seen many children with cancer fighting for their lives over the years. i have seen the families,too. their pain cant be hidden.
no, it wouldnt be a blessing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
I know you said you are not drinking, but how far away from your last drink are you? Is it possible you are in the self-hate stage of the alcohol addiction cycle? If you are, when this begins to pass, try to make a plan for not drinking that is more than just a desperate resolution.
If the feelings are not part of a cycle, you may need professional hands-on help, which is more than the heart-felt encouragement and shared experiences this forum has to offer.
It's been a long time since I drank, but I've had times when I felt like a miserable waste of space on this planet; I know it's not true, though.
If the feelings are not part of a cycle, you may need professional hands-on help, which is more than the heart-felt encouragement and shared experiences this forum has to offer.
It's been a long time since I drank, but I've had times when I felt like a miserable waste of space on this planet; I know it's not true, though.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 519
I understand that feeling of hopelessness and just wanting it to end, I was there and couldn't seem to pull it off myself. I realize now that I was being given the gift of sobriety, i just had to start getting to work.
This realization, this seed that has been planted in you, is already blooming, you need water and fertilizer. Get to it, you are already on your way.
Much love to you.
This realization, this seed that has been planted in you, is already blooming, you need water and fertilizer. Get to it, you are already on your way.
Much love to you.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Please stay. And choose someone in your life who would be willing to help you through this.
As is true of saving another person's life, resisting suicide is not an act of cowardice. Courage is required to live in a world that is not well suited for taking care of us in some important ways. Dreams don't always come true.
Most people think about suicide at one time or another. More than 80% of us. I think the other 20% in whatever poll was taken were not telling the whole truth.
My guess is that the percentage of people contemplating suicide is higher for people who are attempting to get sober. Same with anxiety and depression, both of which are more prevalent during early sobriety. Near-continuous stress, ruminating over regrets, pathological self-criticism, avoiding thoughts about necessary changes in our lives, and a reluctance to reach out for meaningful help will do that. We're not built to do this alone.
Most people who survive a suicide attempt say they regretted trying to kill themselves. By a wide margin.
Nearly all of the people who jump regretted the decision as soon as they lost contact with they ground they were standing on.
None of the people who succeed in killing themselves get to see what happens next.
There are people in your life, maybe one person, someone you may not even know, who want to see what happens next in your life. They want you to succeed. You will break their hearts and change their lives in unpredictable ways. And nothing can change that.
I'd much rather see what happens next.
As is true of saving another person's life, resisting suicide is not an act of cowardice. Courage is required to live in a world that is not well suited for taking care of us in some important ways. Dreams don't always come true.
Most people think about suicide at one time or another. More than 80% of us. I think the other 20% in whatever poll was taken were not telling the whole truth.
My guess is that the percentage of people contemplating suicide is higher for people who are attempting to get sober. Same with anxiety and depression, both of which are more prevalent during early sobriety. Near-continuous stress, ruminating over regrets, pathological self-criticism, avoiding thoughts about necessary changes in our lives, and a reluctance to reach out for meaningful help will do that. We're not built to do this alone.
Most people who survive a suicide attempt say they regretted trying to kill themselves. By a wide margin.
Nearly all of the people who jump regretted the decision as soon as they lost contact with they ground they were standing on.
None of the people who succeed in killing themselves get to see what happens next.
There are people in your life, maybe one person, someone you may not even know, who want to see what happens next in your life. They want you to succeed. You will break their hearts and change their lives in unpredictable ways. And nothing can change that.
I'd much rather see what happens next.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Shift, I do know that feeling too. You are definitely not worthless. I felt like that as well but in sobriety I am starting to realise my worth. Please do not listen to your head. Your head will tell you thoughts that aren't true and your alcoholism will use this as an excuse to drink...
I felt so bad in early sobriety that I shared about it in a meeting and afterwards a girl gave me a little coin with the words "this too shall pass". It is my favourite saying in AA. However this does really refer to feeling a bit off colour or unhappy or upset. It won't work on clinical depression. At 14 months sober I went to my doctors as I was feeling like i had a huge black cloud over me every day and even though I was working my recovery programme to the best of my ability it wasn't passing and after chatting with my doctor we mutually decided to increase the dosage of my anti depressants and wow, what a difference. That is still not to say I don't get down days. I had one yesterday and my mind starting to think about the ease and comfort a few drinks would bring and I had to THINK THINK THINK where those couple of drinks would take me and kept repeating this too shall pass. And it did.
If you are feeling suicidal please contact the smaratians.
and come and post
🙏❤🙏❤
I felt so bad in early sobriety that I shared about it in a meeting and afterwards a girl gave me a little coin with the words "this too shall pass". It is my favourite saying in AA. However this does really refer to feeling a bit off colour or unhappy or upset. It won't work on clinical depression. At 14 months sober I went to my doctors as I was feeling like i had a huge black cloud over me every day and even though I was working my recovery programme to the best of my ability it wasn't passing and after chatting with my doctor we mutually decided to increase the dosage of my anti depressants and wow, what a difference. That is still not to say I don't get down days. I had one yesterday and my mind starting to think about the ease and comfort a few drinks would bring and I had to THINK THINK THINK where those couple of drinks would take me and kept repeating this too shall pass. And it did.
If you are feeling suicidal please contact the smaratians.
and come and post
🙏❤🙏❤
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