I know you said you are not drinking, but how far away from your last drink are you? Is it possible you are in the self-hate stage of the alcohol addiction cycle? If you are, when this begins to pass, try to make a plan for not drinking that is more than just a desperate resolution.
If the feelings are not part of a cycle, you may need professional hands-on help, which is more than the heart-felt encouragement and shared experiences this forum has to offer.
It's been a long time since I drank, but I've had times when I felt like a miserable waste of space on this planet; I know it's not true, though.