Almost drank today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 68
Almost drank today
Man today was hard. It took every ounce of my being to not pick up today. I just played the tape forward enough to know it was the worse idea I could ever have. So I didn’t. 
this is hard. But I’m proud of myself.
this is hard. But I’m proud of myself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Im PROUD of YOU too...those days are tough...My eyes popped wide open when I saw "Almost drank today" because I know how devastating that would BE.
Congratulations...you will feel awesome tomorrow!
Congratulations...you will feel awesome tomorrow!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
You should be proud of yourself. You played the tape through. Just remember the reality of that tape and how you'd feel tomorrow.
All the regret, anxiety and remorse. You saved yourself from that.
Now you can wake up clear headed and ready to take on the world with your head up.
Great job. You made my night. So, thanks
Best to you in sobriety.
All the regret, anxiety and remorse. You saved yourself from that.
Now you can wake up clear headed and ready to take on the world with your head up.
Great job. You made my night. So, thanks
Best to you in sobriety.
Reality...what a concept!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: CT, USA
Posts: 1,232
Playing the tape forward to the pain, anxiety, and disappointment in yourself that you would certainly feel if you picked up a drink is always a good mental exercise, and has helped me stay sober through many a craving.
You might regret drinking but you will never regret not drinking.
You might regret drinking but you will never regret not drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 68
Yes thank you guys. All I wanted was for 9pm to come. But that’s not realistic. It was almost like I was taken over and nothing would help. Cunning, baffling, and powerful for gosh darn sure. Dang. Well it’s almost 9now. Going to a meeting tomorrow. As much as I’m happy I didn’t drink, I’m actually a bit depressed with how close I came. Like I actually DID fail... does that make sense?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 164
Originally Posted by G00SEM00SE 
Man today was hard. It took every ounce of my being to not pick up today. I just played the tape forward enough to know it was the worse idea I could ever have. So I didn’t. this is hard. But I’m proud of myself.
this is hard. But I’m proud of myself.Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 164
Originally Posted by Vinificent
Playing the tape forward to the pain, anxiety, and disappointment in yourself that you would certainly feel if you picked up a drink is always a good mental exercise, and has helped me stay sober through many a craving.
You might regret drinking but you will never regret not drinking.
You might regret drinking but you will never regret not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 164
Originally Posted by G00SEM00SE
Yes thank you guys. All I wanted was for 9pm to come. But that’s not realistic. It was almost like I was taken over and nothing would help. Cunning, baffling, and powerful for gosh darn sure. Dang. Well it’s almost 9now. Going to a meeting tomorrow. As much as I’m happy I didn’t drink, I’m actually a bit depressed with how close I came. Like I actually DID fail... does that make sense?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by G00SEM00SE
Yes thank you guys. All I wanted was for 9pm to come. But that’s not realistic. It was almost like I was taken over and nothing would help. Cunning, baffling, and powerful for gosh darn sure. Dang. Well it’s almost 9now. Going to a meeting tomorrow. As much as I’m happy I didn’t drink, I’m actually a bit depressed with how close I came. Like I actually DID fail... does that make sense?
Congrats on staying sober. What a blessing.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Originally Posted by G00SEM00SE
Yes thank you guys. All I wanted was for 9pm to come. But that’s not realistic. It was almost like I was taken over and nothing would help. Cunning, baffling, and powerful for gosh darn sure. Dang. Well it’s almost 9now. Going to a meeting tomorrow. As much as I’m happy I didn’t drink, I’m actually a bit depressed with how close I came. Like I actually DID fail... does that make sense?
And I did get taken over. For ten years. That's how long I tried to quit drinking. I know how hard it is if you're anything like the alcoholic I am.
Yes, cunning, baffling and powerful. Without help we have little chance against it. I found this to be so true.
In the end, I couldn't do it alone. AA and this place saved me. That was ten and a half years ago since I've had a drink.
Maybe you're feeling survivors guilt if you're feeling sad about how close you came to drinking. Like why didn't I fail? How come I succeeded when I've failed so many times before? Why should I be happy when I, and others, have succumbed so many times before? Why am I having this overwhelming urge to drink? Shouldn't I be past this now?
That's a lot of questions, and I can only speak from my experience, but my brain would really play tricks on me in early sobriety.
I relapsed once after seven months because I was doing laundry and there was a beer store out back.
I could go on, but I hope some of this makes sense.
You made it. And each time you do, you will become more confident that you can do it again. This has been my experience. I hope it helps you.
Forget the depression and revel in the pride that you survived. You have every right to be proud of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by Ghostlight1
I know the feeling of being taken over oh so well. It really is like something in my primordial brain was in control and I had lost all willpower.
And I did get taken over. For ten years. That's how long I tried to quit drinking. I know how hard it is if you're anything like the alcoholic I am.
Yes, cunning, baffling and powerful. Without help we have little chance against it. I found this to be so true.
In the end, I couldn't do it alone. AA and this place saved me. That was ten and a half years ago since I've had a drink.
Maybe you're feeling survivors guilt if you're feeling sad about how close you came to drinking. Like why didn't I fail? How come I succeeded when I've failed so many times before? Why should I be happy when I, and others, have succumbed so many times before? Why am I having this overwhelming urge to drink? Shouldn't I be past this now?
That's a lot of questions, and I can only speak from my experience, but my brain would really play tricks on me in early sobriety.
I relapsed once after seven months because I was doing laundry and there was a beer store out back.
I could go on, but I hope some of this makes sense.
You made it. And each time you do, you will become more confident that you can do it again. This has been my experience. I hope it helps you.
Forget the depression and revel in the pride that you survived. You have every right to be proud of yourself.
And I did get taken over. For ten years. That's how long I tried to quit drinking. I know how hard it is if you're anything like the alcoholic I am.
Yes, cunning, baffling and powerful. Without help we have little chance against it. I found this to be so true.
In the end, I couldn't do it alone. AA and this place saved me. That was ten and a half years ago since I've had a drink.
Maybe you're feeling survivors guilt if you're feeling sad about how close you came to drinking. Like why didn't I fail? How come I succeeded when I've failed so many times before? Why should I be happy when I, and others, have succumbed so many times before? Why am I having this overwhelming urge to drink? Shouldn't I be past this now?
That's a lot of questions, and I can only speak from my experience, but my brain would really play tricks on me in early sobriety.
I relapsed once after seven months because I was doing laundry and there was a beer store out back.
I could go on, but I hope some of this makes sense.
You made it. And each time you do, you will become more confident that you can do it again. This has been my experience. I hope it helps you.
Forget the depression and revel in the pride that you survived. You have every right to be proud of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Originally Posted by BeABetterMan
It is so awesome that you still come and post on the boards. I hope to do the same someday. Thank you for sharing.
I know myself. I'm one drink away from a drunk.
And I also need to be reminded what it's like, "Out there".
Take things one day at a time and you will do the same.
Best to you in sobriety.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
Originally Posted by Trojanhorse
I love this quote at the end, well put.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
Originally Posted by G00SEM00SE
Man today was hard. It took every ounce of my being to not pick up today. I just played the tape forward enough to know it was the worse idea I could ever have. So I didn’t. this is hard. But I’m proud of myself.
this is hard. But I’m proud of myself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 68
Wow. Awesome responses. Yeah I honestly have no Idea why I feel guilty. Heck I’m only a week sober, of COURSE I’m going to come close to drinking. It’s what I do about it that matters. And I probably prayed to God the serenity prayer ohhhhhhhh like 182 times today so I definitely think he had something to do with it. Because I haven’t made it to day 8 since i relapsed 10 months ago. I know I have a long way to go but I kinda feel like Moana when she made it past that last huge difficult wave. Lol. I haven’t been this far in a long time. How sad. Just 8 days
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 71
Proud of you too!!! Thank you for posting this I'm feeling this everyday lately I dread the evenings but having this place is what's making the difference this time and I keep telling myself a few uncomfortable hours of cravings sure beats the consequences and hours and days lost if I have that 1 drink x
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Great job getting through the day, Moose.
Is it possible you might be feeling guilty because you feel that drinking is inevitable? My brain has told me that lie many a time and I fell for the lie. If that's the case, don't believe it and don't let it bother you. Dismiss the thought as a nuisance; it's just a dumb thought.
Making it to milestones has historically been a problem for me. No more.
If none of that fits for you, I still congratulate you on your accomplishment yesterday. Getting through that Really Hard Craving is proof that You hold the power here.
O
Is it possible you might be feeling guilty because you feel that drinking is inevitable? My brain has told me that lie many a time and I fell for the lie. If that's the case, don't believe it and don't let it bother you. Dismiss the thought as a nuisance; it's just a dumb thought.
Making it to milestones has historically been a problem for me. No more.
If none of that fits for you, I still congratulate you on your accomplishment yesterday. Getting through that Really Hard Craving is proof that You hold the power here.
O
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