I was reading stories on here and just decided to join! So hello! I WAS sober for three years. The last two years on and off, I have only been been sober, 4 months, 40 days, 30 days, two weeks, a week. You get it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I was 30 days sober and binged this last week. I went out swimming in a river with an old drinking friend, I even think he took advantage of me while I was drunk bringing me back to his place. My BF even saw us together. Trying to get said friend out of my drivers seat but no I wanted to stay, and drink, and told said friend to drive away. Then I went to a friends and don’t remember anything. Said I was rolling around on the ground outside all night. Did not sleep at all. I missed work. Still drank after talking to boss, promising her I would not, said I would be there Sunday. I was there Sunday after blacking out Saturday night. My BF came over and stayed with me all night, said I was making horrible noises all night long, said he was scared I would die. Went to work Sunday, my boss took my vitals as I was shaking. Had the shakes Sunday am, horrible headache, a hangover like I have never had in my life. Monday was ok, Today, Horrible horrible , vivid nightmares, but ok. I don’t want to drink. I have three beautiful young children that need me, no they were not with me for the week and do not even know their mother is sick. Please, tell me as I lay here and cry that I am not the only one going through this. I know I have a problem and I know I need help. This is my breaking point. I have never been arrested. I do not know what I am waiting for to happen. Enough is enough. I love my children so much. I love my boyfriend too but how much can he take. I’ve cheated on him, lied to him in a drunk state.YET HE STILL wants to support me and love me. I clearly do not even deserve him! We have only been together a year and I would not put up with a man, doing this stuff to me. The sad thing is I’ve been on the other side, being with an alcoholic while pregnant, so I know how he feels yet, I keep drinking, thinking I can have one drink, but I can never just have one. I need the whole damn bottle and more. It’s very sad. Him and I met over a year ago when I was sober for the 4 months. But did not start dating for months after. I am so sad and heartbroken. I am ruining my life and what could be this beautiful relationship/ family that I have always wanted. I never really believed in a “God” but I know there is a devil, and alcohol is my devil. I wish I never tasted it.

Thank you guys. I’m on day four and feel no urge to drink and thankfully my anxiety has subsided🙂

Thank you! It sure isn’t! I moved back near my home town , which is the reason I believe I started up again, with old “friends”. We would drink almost every Friday night. But come to find out they are not even my real friends, just drinking buddies. I don’t want to live like that anymore. I have never been so covered in bruises. Some people can drink, I will never be one of them! I don’t ever want to look back🙏😣😣😣

Thank you so much for the kind words! I will join one of those classes.