Am I being childish?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 842
Am I being childish?
We have a camping weekend organised at the beginning of August. Friday till Sunday. We go every year. It's a "meet up" of a members club.
I'm working till Friday afternoon so said to my husband I will get the train down and he could drive to the station to pick me up at the night.
He was hesitant and started to try to think of ways we could go down together. Stupid things like can I leave work 3 hours early!! etc. It's dawned on me he doesn't want to pick me up because he won't be able to have a drink. He's not home from work yet but I'm going to ask him when he gets back. I don't want to go now.
Am I being over sensitive?
I'm working till Friday afternoon so said to my husband I will get the train down and he could drive to the station to pick me up at the night.
He was hesitant and started to try to think of ways we could go down together. Stupid things like can I leave work 3 hours early!! etc. It's dawned on me he doesn't want to pick me up because he won't be able to have a drink. He's not home from work yet but I'm going to ask him when he gets back. I don't want to go now.
Am I being over sensitive?
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
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Childish no. oversensitive, yes(kind of). Unless he promised to not drink. Plus it might not be the reason, and even if it is why would you not want to go now? Its up to you but I'm not sure on why you dont want to go. Why cant he have a drink? Whats wrong with him having a drink? Also leaving work 3 hrs early sounds like a great idea to me. Just my thoughts (not yours) off the top of my head. No judging.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
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No, if you are concerned about your sobriety. Not sure if y'all have talked about how you and he are each handling alcohol/his drinking. It's tough but important to figure out your boundaries as a sober person.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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I was really looking forward to it. The people aren't heavy drinkers and a nice bunch.
I've asked my husband and he said yes the reason about me getting the train was he couldn't have a drink until 9pm when he had picked me up!
I just feel like him drinking came before him thinking about picking me up, as that's the first thing he thought. If I've got to pick her up I've got to wait to have a drink
I've asked my husband and he said yes the reason about me getting the train was he couldn't have a drink until 9pm when he had picked me up!
I just feel like him drinking came before him thinking about picking me up, as that's the first thing he thought. If I've got to pick her up I've got to wait to have a drink
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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Originally Posted by Abraham 
Childish no. oversensitive, yes(kind of). Unless he promised to not drink. Plus it might not be the reason, and even if it is why would you not want to go now? Its up to you but I'm not sure on why you dont want to go. Why cant he have a drink? Whats wrong with him having a drink? Also leaving work 3 hrs early sounds like a great idea to me. Just my thoughts (not yours) off the top of my head. No judging.
As for leaving work early you obviously don't live in the UK 😂
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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sorry pinky, but you are how many days sober yourself now? and suddenly you are mystified by someone else not wanting anything coming between them and the cup in their hand?
at least he isn't no problem, i'll just drink until it's time to get you and drive under the influence!
at least he isn't no problem, i'll just drink until it's time to get you and drive under the influence!
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: S.E. MI
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Originally Posted by Pinky1
I don't mind him having a drink but why is it a problem waiting until he's fetched me.
As for leaving work early you obviously don't live in the UK ��
As for leaving work early you obviously don't live in the UK ��
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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Originally Posted by Abraham
only he can answer why its a problem waiting to drink. Also no I dont live there. Been there many times but dont live there. I love leaving work early. You guys dont do that there? Or frowned upon?
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I think I would be a bit miffed it it was me too! But at the same time if he isn’t a problem drinker then I can understand his reluctance and efforts to work out a different solution. In sobriety we learn to put everything else as a priority over alcohol and his reaction is probably making you feel he is putting alcohol above you.
It’s hard to offer proper rounded advice as I don’t know enough about your situation to offer the right advice, how long have you been sober, is your hubby a normie who doesn’t have a problem with alcohol, does he know about your sobriety and the reasons why. There are many factors that would influence what I would respond with.
I have learned that my reactions and responses to things I don’t like or are unhappy with are ones that I need to understand to be able to think in a healthy way. I often blow situations out of proportion to reality, I used to get quite self centred and think what I wanted should be everyone else’s priority but that wasn’t making me happy or the people around me. I also never used to actually explain how I really felt and expected people to just know.
Maybe ask the question at work about having some time off, maybe sit and explain calmly to your hubby how you feel, you might be surprised but if you don’t try you’ll never know xx
It’s hard to offer proper rounded advice as I don’t know enough about your situation to offer the right advice, how long have you been sober, is your hubby a normie who doesn’t have a problem with alcohol, does he know about your sobriety and the reasons why. There are many factors that would influence what I would respond with.
I have learned that my reactions and responses to things I don’t like or are unhappy with are ones that I need to understand to be able to think in a healthy way. I often blow situations out of proportion to reality, I used to get quite self centred and think what I wanted should be everyone else’s priority but that wasn’t making me happy or the people around me. I also never used to actually explain how I really felt and expected people to just know.
Maybe ask the question at work about having some time off, maybe sit and explain calmly to your hubby how you feel, you might be surprised but if you don’t try you’ll never know xx
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
At the moment there is a problem. You both want different things. Is there a solution? Could you get a taxi from the train station to the campsite? 
Ref: your question about being over-sensitive. I am sensitive about all sorts of things. It is allowed. It is only a problem when I a setting myself up to act out on it in some way that I will regret. I think we know deep down inside when we are doing that anyway.
Ref: your question about being over-sensitive. I am sensitive about all sorts of things. It is allowed. It is only a problem when I a setting myself up to act out on it in some way that I will regret. I think we know deep down inside when we are doing that anyway.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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Originally Posted by MantaLady
I think I would be a bit miffed it it was me too! But at the same time if he isn’t a problem drinker then I can understand his reluctance and efforts to work out a different solution. In sobriety we learn to put everything else as a priority over alcohol and his reaction is probably making you feel he is putting alcohol above you.
It’s hard to offer proper rounded advice as I don’t know enough about your situation to offer the right advice, how long have you been sober, is your hubby a normie who doesn’t have a problem with alcohol, does he know about your sobriety and the reasons why. There are many factors that would influence what I would respond with.
I have learned that my reactions and responses to things I don’t like or are unhappy with are ones that I need to understand to be able to think in a healthy way. I often blow situations out of proportion to reality, I used to get quite self centred and think what I wanted should be everyone else’s priority but that wasn’t making me happy or the people around me. I also never used to actually explain how I really felt and expected people to just know.
Maybe ask the question at work about having some time off, maybe sit and explain calmly to your hubby how you feel, you might be surprised but if you don’t try you’ll never know xx
It’s hard to offer proper rounded advice as I don’t know enough about your situation to offer the right advice, how long have you been sober, is your hubby a normie who doesn’t have a problem with alcohol, does he know about your sobriety and the reasons why. There are many factors that would influence what I would respond with.
I have learned that my reactions and responses to things I don’t like or are unhappy with are ones that I need to understand to be able to think in a healthy way. I often blow situations out of proportion to reality, I used to get quite self centred and think what I wanted should be everyone else’s priority but that wasn’t making me happy or the people around me. I also never used to actually explain how I really felt and expected people to just know.
Maybe ask the question at work about having some time off, maybe sit and explain calmly to your hubby how you feel, you might be surprised but if you don’t try you’ll never know xx
I am not saying that this is what you are doing Pinky, merely that MantaLady's post gave me pause to reflect.
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