Just came to a shocking revelation
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 365
Canuck, you're 43 years old. You're not going to be walking around permanently erect like a 15-year-old, and you're not going to get sprung every time you see an attractive woman. Give yourself some sober time. You might find someone who likes you. You might develop a relationship with them, and you might find that you're not as asexual as you think.
And even if you are asexual, so what? Plenty of people live sexless lives with no trouble at all. Sex is sometimes more trouble than it's worth anyway.
If you start drinking because you're depressed about your sex life, how is that going to make anything better for you?
And even if you are asexual, so what? Plenty of people live sexless lives with no trouble at all. Sex is sometimes more trouble than it's worth anyway.
If you start drinking because you're depressed about your sex life, how is that going to make anything better for you?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Cheshire. U.K
Posts: 8,003
Firstly I don't think you are week and I am in no place to judge anyone. I actually think you are very brave for posting about your concerns.
My brother is asexual, he has no interest in women at all and never has done but he has a full and happy life. I don't know a great deal about these things but I can't see how you can be asexual if you are attracted to women.
Getting sober and getting your act together needs to be your first and only priority right now, you need to take good care of yourself and it might be a good idea to get some councelling or at least speak to your Doctor.
Big hugs.
My brother is asexual, he has no interest in women at all and never has done but he has a full and happy life. I don't know a great deal about these things but I can't see how you can be asexual if you are attracted to women.
Getting sober and getting your act together needs to be your first and only priority right now, you need to take good care of yourself and it might be a good idea to get some councelling or at least speak to your Doctor.
Big hugs.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by ImNotThatGuy 
Canuck, you're 43 years old. You're not going to be walking around permanently erect like a 15-year-old, and you're not going to get sprung every time you see an attractive woman. Give yourself some sober time. You might find someone who likes you. You might develop a relationship with them, and you might find that you're not as asexual as you think.
And even if you are asexual, so what? Plenty of people live sexless lives with no trouble at all. Sex is sometimes more trouble than it's worth anyway.
If you start drinking because you're depressed about your sex life, how is that going to make anything better for you?
And even if you are asexual, so what? Plenty of people live sexless lives with no trouble at all. Sex is sometimes more trouble than it's worth anyway.
If you start drinking because you're depressed about your sex life, how is that going to make anything better for you?
I feel this is partly an excuse for you to drink, it’s another of the hundreds of cases where people use problems they have from drinking as a reason to continue to drink. So much dark irony, there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,409
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
Speaking more frankly about sex based on this comment...if this is about ED then it’s really crazy to even talk about this until drinking has stopped. The underlying sadness about your post may very well be that you’re feeling exceptionally down about ED, which is a common feeling, but even if it isn’t the drinking which it likely is, there are simple therapies for this, clinical and psychological, or just meeting the right person who makes you feel comfortable.
I feel this is partly an excuse for you to drink, it’s another of the hundreds of cases where people use problems they have from drinking as a reason to continue to drink. So much dark irony, there.
I feel this is partly an excuse for you to drink, it’s another of the hundreds of cases where people use problems they have from drinking as a reason to continue to drink. So much dark irony, there.
Believe me I only say this as I used to do the same. It’s only when I got decent sobriety that I could see this to be true. Also I hear this regularly at meetings from other alcoholics too who can look back and see their own excuses that used to feed their Alkie mind.
Everything starts with abstinence from alcohol; without that there is no hope for an alcoholic in my experience. All the best 🙏
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 50
So I had this same revelation two years ago and I'm sure it was just as shocking. After years and years of thinking something was wrong with me, one day I just came upon the right website and it clicked in my head. I am asexual. Gray, but still asexual.
The thing is, this doesn't doom us to loneliness forever any more than being gay or trans would. There's lots of us out there, and more and more people are realizing their orientation as its more widely-known. We even have dating websites. Asexualitic is one. I met a lovely girl there last year and we were together for about six months.
My point is don't let being asexual (or anything) be an excuse to drink. Our road will be harder, yes, but we still have a road nonetheless. It's not a death sentence.
And your post has actually helped me think of a few issues that I've been going through on my own differently, so even though that wasn't your intention, I thank you.
The thing is, this doesn't doom us to loneliness forever any more than being gay or trans would. There's lots of us out there, and more and more people are realizing their orientation as its more widely-known. We even have dating websites. Asexualitic is one. I met a lovely girl there last year and we were together for about six months.
My point is don't let being asexual (or anything) be an excuse to drink. Our road will be harder, yes, but we still have a road nonetheless. It's not a death sentence.
And your post has actually helped me think of a few issues that I've been going through on my own differently, so even though that wasn't your intention, I thank you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
Are you on medication for depression? I’m married and the antidepressants have killed my libido. Then I quit them and got into a pattern of just low self esteem that also killed my libido. I also am a survivor of severe childhood neglect which instilled a very low level of confidence. Getting healthy, sober, physical exercise, seeing a counselor can boost libido, I hope at least. Get a positive sober self image and it may hit you one day you feel like a ladies man. Chin up, stay strong and get through it sober.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I think I can relate to this. I am of similar age. I am a woman. I am attracted to men, but not sexually. Sexually I am not attracted to anyone. I went through terrible PTSD and my XAH drove me to believe really horrible things about myself that I cannot seem to unblock when it comes to feeling sexual. He was a borderline sexual addict I would say, and created a lot of trauma for me.
I too am on depression/anxiety meds and I do think that affects your libido.
I still work on myself and still have hope I will overcome this. I am betting you can too.
I just wanted to share. Even though I don't really drink, I still have issues. You are not alone!
I too am on depression/anxiety meds and I do think that affects your libido.
I still work on myself and still have hope I will overcome this. I am betting you can too.
I just wanted to share. Even though I don't really drink, I still have issues. You are not alone!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 33
dude, there are so many ways out of this, but first, need to quit drinking.
have you considered adoption? there are many kids out there they can create the family you want and deserve. but that ain't going to happen if you are using.
decide what you want. make a plan.
have you considered adoption? there are many kids out there they can create the family you want and deserve. but that ain't going to happen if you are using.
decide what you want. make a plan.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
I always thought A sexual was someone who had no interest in either sex...I have a friend I have always called asexual..perfectly content on his own...never wanted for a family or a women or a man...he travels alone, lives alone, does everything alone and is missing nothing in his life.
You on the other hand seem to be heterosexual where you have a desire for women..I'm not a Dr...but maybe you have an erectile dysfunction...there are pills for that.
But in the state of mind you are in...you are not going to attract any good vibes or people into your life...when "we" get this down and depressed it scares people away.
I really hope for you that you can get some help even if from your general Dr...possibly to give you something for depression...Its amazing what antidepressents do for me....I feel like hell...but the antidepressents trick me into being motivated etc...
If you can get out of this slump with the help of a Dr. and not drink...your life can be just as good as anyone elses you know...you seem to be in a bad slump and I am praying for you to get some help with this.
You on the other hand seem to be heterosexual where you have a desire for women..I'm not a Dr...but maybe you have an erectile dysfunction...there are pills for that.
But in the state of mind you are in...you are not going to attract any good vibes or people into your life...when "we" get this down and depressed it scares people away.
I really hope for you that you can get some help even if from your general Dr...possibly to give you something for depression...Its amazing what antidepressents do for me....I feel like hell...but the antidepressents trick me into being motivated etc...
If you can get out of this slump with the help of a Dr. and not drink...your life can be just as good as anyone elses you know...you seem to be in a bad slump and I am praying for you to get some help with this.
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