Hevyn

3 days is fabulous, benito. You sound determined. It'll be worth it.

benitoD

Now 5. Next check-in at 1 week.

Dee74

Check in as much as you need to Benito

D

benitoD

Made it to one week without a drink. Yesterday, I almost accidentally broke my streak, when I was tasting a wine and was just about to swallow it and I realized that I need to spit it out. All good, and feeling pretty good. In about 6 weeks I will need to do a have a couple of glasses because I'm hosting a wine dinner, but I think I can handle it, as long as I am aware that it's a rare exception. But first, here's week two!

John65

Well done Benito!

Is it not possible for you to host a wine dinner and not drink any wine? I think you could be taking a big risk if you do partake.

BrianK

benito, that is about as brutal a challenge for someone like us as I can imagine! The closest I come is receiving wine at communion at church, which is something I've had to wrestle with and make a conscious decision on before. But I'm not required to be around it, talk about it, or put it in my mouth on a regular basis. Just wanna offer what encouragement I can. Great to hear from you!

garyc

It's all about the time and distance friend, and if you struggle with the cravings then cardio is what pulled me out of the flames in the early days.
Yer, it takes time but it's totally possible.
Don't hesitate to get in touch with me anytime as I've picked up tons of tips and ways of doing things over the years.
Good on you though for getting the train moving in the right direction.

Dee74

I had to accept that there can be no exceptions Benito.

When I drink, however small the amount, it changes me. Whatever good intent I have it goes out the window.

I may not go back instantly, but I will go back to drinking like I used to, or worse.

Abstinence does not equal control.

I have a toxic relationship with alcohol and no amount of time off from drinking will reset me.

Please reconsider those future couple of drinks.
Noone 'has to' drink.

Recovery means some tough choices, especially in the beginning.

Cancel the wine dinner.
Wine dinners are for non alcoholics, Benito.

D

benitoD

Well, I think everyone has to do it his or her own way.

That said, something interesting happened yesterday. It's grad weekend and our son just graduated college. Lots of family in town, etc. So I thought I'd partake with some wine. Brought home one of my favorite $150 bottles of Gaja, and we drank it, along with a few others.

Oddly enough, by now, it didn't feel quite right anymore. The wine was still quite lovely, but in the end I thought that I had just gotten more comfortable with my sobriety, sipping my NA beer, etc. So it's back to that, as planned.

I suppose that's all a good thing, that I didn't go "oh, how I miss drinking". I don't. Being sober is more exciting right now.

Maybe I should explain to some who are in the "never ever" camp, that alcohol is not kryptonite to me. I never drank excessively in one sitting, or got really drunk. I just always had a little buzz on to 'calm the nerves'. But if you do that 10 hours a day, you still get about 10 drinks a day in, and that will get you liver cancer, etc, exactly the same as the person who gets ********* on vodka. Good riddance.

Purina

Im sorry to hear about your relapse there on the wine.

What is your plan for tomorrow? Are you goals abstinence or a reduction in drinking?

I dont mean to come off in a judgmental tone but that last paragraph you typed there does not sound like genuine words.

It sounds like the voice of your addiction attempting to "excuse away" the relapse and trying to set you up for further drinking down the road.

Be careful not to listen to that devil on your left shoulder.

benitoD

I wouldn't call it a relapse, but a conscious choice. I don't want to never drink again. I want to drink something because I made that choice that day, not because my body tells me to, or because it's just the norm. I found out that "unchecked" drink-whatever-you-want doesn't work for me. So instead, my default mode should, and is now, not to drink anything unless I decide to make a rare exception.

As for my "plan for today", it's simple. It's just a regular Monday, and I don't drink. So that's that, and I'm happy with it.

I know this is not a popular stance in the recovery community, but unless or until I fail at it, it's the way I want to do it. I know two people who have successfully implemented this decades ago, and I will try the same. If it doesn't work out, I'll try the hard-line approach, but if yesterday was any indication, I don't think it will be a problem.

Happily back on my wagon, and onwards...

Purina

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Not to be facetious but you are just going to get more and more of the same end results.

I mean if you want to achieve positive improvements in your life how is that going to happen if you keep "drinking whenever you feel like it"?

If you keep cooking the same recipe with the same ingredients then the end results will always taste the same.

And your wallet is $150 lighter. That money is gone

Abraham

I'm not one to beat myself up over a slip or what ever you want to call it. I figure drinking every once in a while is way better than drinking everyday. But this was you about two weeks ago.