2 days sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 121
2 days sober
Hi All,
Glad to have found this forum. My goal is 100% alcohol abstinence.
Today is my second day. Yesterday was really difficult. The problems in my life have all piled up on top of me and it feels so unfair that I have to deal with the wreckage of my past drinking even now in sobriety......that I have to mop up that mess.
I had almost 6 months sober and then threw it all away, now I have been tumbling around for 2 months and was only able to get 27 days before drinking once again. I have been going to the local AA meetings.
But this last time I am ashamed to pick up another white chip. I went to a few meetings in a different city so that I would not run into the people from my home group.
I bought some stocks in the stock market that are performing badly, I am down almost 20% and this self-hatred is activated when I look at the stock charts and I curse myself for being a total idiot and buying this stock and then that leads me to go get drunk.
Its a dangerous pattern and I just want to put the alcohol behind me.
Glad to have found this forum. My goal is 100% alcohol abstinence.
Today is my second day. Yesterday was really difficult. The problems in my life have all piled up on top of me and it feels so unfair that I have to deal with the wreckage of my past drinking even now in sobriety......that I have to mop up that mess.
I had almost 6 months sober and then threw it all away, now I have been tumbling around for 2 months and was only able to get 27 days before drinking once again. I have been going to the local AA meetings.
But this last time I am ashamed to pick up another white chip. I went to a few meetings in a different city so that I would not run into the people from my home group.
I bought some stocks in the stock market that are performing badly, I am down almost 20% and this self-hatred is activated when I look at the stock charts and I curse myself for being a total idiot and buying this stock and then that leads me to go get drunk.
Its a dangerous pattern and I just want to put the alcohol behind me.
Karate girl
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 109
Hi Purina, I'm glad you're here and posting! I'm sorry you've had a rough stretch, but you can do this and pull through! One day at a time 
Maybe try making a list of everything you appreciate in life - no matter how small (beautiful weather, a cup of coffee, etc). Positive thoughts will help pull your mind away from all of the negative things that have been going on. You can do this!
Maybe try making a list of everything you appreciate in life - no matter how small (beautiful weather, a cup of coffee, etc). Positive thoughts will help pull your mind away from all of the negative things that have been going on. You can do this!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,508
I think that having to face and deal with all the messes we made while drinking, is the hardest part of early recovery. Just know that you don't have to do everything at once. Take things slowly and just try to accomplish a few things each day. You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 121
Yes that is the unfair part about recovery. The fact that the most pressing and severe problems we have to tackle them while still in the brain fog of detox . That is the situation for those that dont go to rehab and are doing it at home.
And also I feel uncomfortable to return to the AA meetings. I like to hear the shares and the fellowship but I dont completely agree with the 12 steps or with sponsorship. And the groups feel like a hive mind with everyone parroting the same tired old testimonials. After awhile it gets so repetitive and redundant.
Sigh. But I will go back after I have 3 or 4 days under my belt. At the moment I dont have any friends in my life so i appreciate the socializing aspect of the rooms.
Just for today i am keeping it simple: 100% abstinence. That is my only goal for the next 7 days. All the other stuff is secondary.
And also I feel uncomfortable to return to the AA meetings. I like to hear the shares and the fellowship but I dont completely agree with the 12 steps or with sponsorship. And the groups feel like a hive mind with everyone parroting the same tired old testimonials. After awhile it gets so repetitive and redundant.
Sigh. But I will go back after I have 3 or 4 days under my belt. At the moment I dont have any friends in my life so i appreciate the socializing aspect of the rooms.
Just for today i am keeping it simple: 100% abstinence. That is my only goal for the next 7 days. All the other stuff is secondary.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 365
Hey Purina, congrats on choosing sobriety and making it through those first horrible couple of days.
I have also tried AA many times and found it lacking for the reasons you mentioned. The dogma and hive mind don't work for me. It works for a lot of people, and that's great.
Anyway, you might want to look into AVRT. It made a lot of sense to me and has helped me a lot.
I have also tried AA many times and found it lacking for the reasons you mentioned. The dogma and hive mind don't work for me. It works for a lot of people, and that's great.
Anyway, you might want to look into AVRT. It made a lot of sense to me and has helped me a lot.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 290
Congratulations, Purina!
For me this time around I'm including AA, but it's part of my recovery plan, not the plan itself. Like you said, I like the real, face-to-face interaction. But in my case I feel like I get more in-depth interaction on this forum. Someone told me, "Take the initiative and be a little selfish about it, it's YOUR program!" Now if someone parrots lines at me, I don't feel like I have to justify if I'm not doing it the way the old-timer says.
Besides, one of their lines is "Take what you need and leave the rest." I'm liking that more and more.
For me this time around I'm including AA, but it's part of my recovery plan, not the plan itself. Like you said, I like the real, face-to-face interaction. But in my case I feel like I get more in-depth interaction on this forum. Someone told me, "Take the initiative and be a little selfish about it, it's YOUR program!" Now if someone parrots lines at me, I don't feel like I have to justify if I'm not doing it the way the old-timer says.
Besides, one of their lines is "Take what you need and leave the rest." I'm liking that more and more.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
Hi Purina! I can relate to your story. I went 6 months last year then I began drinking again. I tried to quit off and on for the rest of the year, sometimes I'd last 3 days, sometimes 3 weeks, but never for very long.
Now I'm 6 months sober once again (I quit Jan 1st). Hang in there. You can definitely do it again!
Now I'm 6 months sober once again (I quit Jan 1st). Hang in there. You can definitely do it again!
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