entropy1964

Oh and with respect to posts you don't like: you can block people.

Or here's an idea: It's an opportunity to cope. Something pisses you off, maybe try to react in a way that you normally wouldn't. Maybe just ignore it. Or even, think about what is being said, and why its pissing you off. Dunno. Its practice for real life.

Cause, bet you've never hear this one, if nothing changes, nothing changes

Dee74

If anyone sees a post they thinks break the rules they can report it using the little red and white triangle on the offending post,, or use the ignore function.

Here are the rules
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ting-tips.html

Dee
Administrator
SR

bexxed

Drinking doesn’t fix stress, as others have said.

HIV is a nasty disease with horrible stigmas that is also not the killer it used to be, in many places. That said, definitely not something anyone wants and certainly not something a parent wants for a child. I’d also point out it’s probably something that some on this forum may have and feel ashamed or stigmatized for,

Drinking does not make you or anyone a better parent either. Imagine if you had an alarming experience and you shared it with a parent and the parent then started drinking over it. Drinking can kill just like AIDS can, sometimes faster.

I guess I’m trying to say that from the child’s perspective, it may be uncomfortable and unpleasant to have their experience which they shared with their parent used as cause for the parent to engage in self harm. And it’s not true. We drink because we are alcoholics, not because our children or anyone else we care about tell us things which we find upsetting. And it’s a choice.

I hope you choose to be present for yourself and your son by recommitting to sobriety. It’s worth it, and you’re worth it.

Delilah1

Hi Toni,

I’m glad you came here and posted. I used to use drinking as my coping mechanism, however, it never actually made things better, and only ramped my anxiety about whatever was going on even more.

I have 3 years and 5 months sober, and during that time I’ve had to deal with lots of stressful situations, including the death of my mom. I knew that drinking would only make a bad situation even worse. Something that has really helped me is mindfulness. I have worked really hard to stay in the present moment. If something is very stressful I will go for a walk, preferably outdoors, or do some breathing techniques. It has really helped me.

As a mom, I complete understand how worried you would be about your son putting himself in a dangerous situation. Sounds like you have a good relationship with him, since you were able to have an honest conversation with him. Why don’t you try out some mindfulness apps, or videos on you tube.

AAPJ

Well I think the Carl beatings are a bit over the top. Carl's posts are not usually my favorite posts either. BUT he's very direct and pretty consistent in his message style. I believe that he is sincerely trying to help folks get and stay sober. To me intent is the most important factor. I appreciate his presence here. He reminds me of some of the old timers at AA.

Personally I would never put anyone here on ignore. IMO this board is monitored well enough so that at least for me the ignore function is not needed.

Not everyone views the path to sobriety the same way. Perhaps we could all benefit from a bit of Dr. Bob this morning.

http://www.silkworth.net/pdfDrBob/On...-July-1944.pdf

Dee74

Lets focus on Toni folks.

Turning this thread into a meta discussion about other posters is not really helpful to anyone.

Thats why I gave the options I did, above.

Thanks all

D

August252015

Toni- I hope you check back in.

I echo what the others have said, each in their own way but the collective is consistent, that we just can't choose to drink AT things or people or situations. It only harms us.

I'd also add, and I mean this gently, that it is clear you and your son share a LOT of information that is quite personal. It wouldn't be the way I'd set (or not set) a boundary about this subject in particular; I am straight and my brother is gay and our parents have had to set boundaries about his sex life in particular, and both my brother and I have also had to make it clear it is absolutely none of their business. This might sound extreme to you, but I'm making it for several reasons- perhaps the biggest being that, at least now, your emotional sobriety is very tenuous and your very physical sobriety is intimately tied to his decisions. That can take awhile for any of us to change, on any topic, within our families. Also learning the hard lesson that no amount of worry or opinion or fear for a child (or step-child, in my case) will likely change that person's behavior.

I know you "know" what to do - I hope you choose to do it. Take care of yourself.

tomsteve

it seems ya use fears as an excuse to drink now and then. dont wanna feel it,drink, sober up, and theres the fear still. your son told ya, ya drank, and drinking didnt change what happened.
life on lifes terms is all im reading here,toni. theres a solutiuon for that- one that doesnt involve alcohol

Caprice6

It must really be something destabilizing to go through for you, but 2 wrongs (destabilizing emotions and drinking) will never make it right.
You need to be stronger than that. Alcohol is a poison and killer as well.
For your legit concerns best thing to calm you would be for your son to get tested. There are solutions rather than drinking that will give you nothing but more pain. Drinking won't make anything go away or help. You will be able to deal with things much better without drinking. Just breathe and focus on your next step logically, what's been done is done and it could've been worse perhaps.
Good idea to talk to your son about safety, both for your well being and his.
You will get through this pain but not if you self inflict more on yourself.
Best to you.