Finally admitting I have a problem.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 1
Finally admitting I have a problem.
I told myself on Tuesday I would cut back and not drink during the week. Well here comes Thursday night and I’m drunk again on the couch. Next thing I remember I wake up from being blacked out, I’m sleeping on the coach, my kids made it to bed and are in their jammies, dinner I made is still all out from night before. I’m ashamed of myself, did I get my kids to bed or did my husband do it while “mommy’s passed out” again!
But I get up, get ready and go to work.. feeling hung over and tired. On the outside I look like I have it all and put on a smile, show all the cool trips we do on Facebook, have the nice house, cars, atv’s, boats and camp trailers.... but I’m a mess!
I have used alcohol to get that buzzed feeling, to not be so scared to talk to others since I have major social anxiety, used it to relax, to feel better to cope with life’s problems, but I’m now at that point I can’t quit drinking and crave it. Even if it means I’ve let my family down, caused scenes at get togethers, gained weight for my poor diet and lifestyle. I can’t just have one drink... I need to quit!
But I get up, get ready and go to work.. feeling hung over and tired. On the outside I look like I have it all and put on a smile, show all the cool trips we do on Facebook, have the nice house, cars, atv’s, boats and camp trailers.... but I’m a mess!
I have used alcohol to get that buzzed feeling, to not be so scared to talk to others since I have major social anxiety, used it to relax, to feel better to cope with life’s problems, but I’m now at that point I can’t quit drinking and crave it. Even if it means I’ve let my family down, caused scenes at get togethers, gained weight for my poor diet and lifestyle. I can’t just have one drink... I need to quit!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
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Try the 12 Steps.
After S-T-R-U-G-G-L-I-N-G for a long time, face in the pavement struggling, it's the only thing that worked. And my life now is beyond just 'it worked'. I am living FREE.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I Know U Can B 2
After S-T-R-U-G-G-L-I-N-G for a long time, face in the pavement struggling, it's the only thing that worked. And my life now is beyond just 'it worked'. I am living FREE.
RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I Know U Can B 2
You'll find lots of support here. 
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I'm so glad you found us & posted, crbutterfly.
You're exactly where I was when I first came here. I reluctantly had to admit that once that first drink was in my system, anything could happen. I never knew if I could trust myself - and everyone was confused & losing faith in me. It was such a relief to admit there would never be 'just one' drink - I had to stop all together. It really helps to be here where everyone understands what you're going through. You can get free.
You're exactly where I was when I first came here. I reluctantly had to admit that once that first drink was in my system, anything could happen. I never knew if I could trust myself - and everyone was confused & losing faith in me. It was such a relief to admit there would never be 'just one' drink - I had to stop all together. It really helps to be here where everyone understands what you're going through. You can get free.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,916
Really glad you found us. This forum is an incredible resource. All for free you can hear from others further down the road about how to be and continue to live free of the shame and guilt that come with drinking, and to move more toward the authentic person you are meant to be, and who you want to be for your kids. Read a lot. Join the monthly class. Pour out the booze. And come meet your new circle of support.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 205
Welcome! My story is similar to yours crbutterfly. One reason I like AA is forcing myself to speak in a group setting has helped me learn to deal with social anxiety. Relaxing... I’ve found much better and healthier ways to relax (yoga being one). Alcohol had become anti-relaxing. Anxiety about what did I do last night? Do people at work notice I’m hungover? Then there’s parenting. It’s WAY better sober. It’s awesome! I hope you will experience it too.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
Butterfly,
Your first post made me realize something I never fully admitted. Before I found recovery, I hated myself. I'm not saying you hate yourself or even should, but back then when I was you, I hated myself. And I even hated hating myself. It was not the way I could live a joyful life. It's just one more thing I remember about the Hell my life was then.
This might be the least helpful reply I've ever posted in this forum, but your first post affected me that much.
Your first post made me realize something I never fully admitted. Before I found recovery, I hated myself. I'm not saying you hate yourself or even should, but back then when I was you, I hated myself. And I even hated hating myself. It was not the way I could live a joyful life. It's just one more thing I remember about the Hell my life was then.
This might be the least helpful reply I've ever posted in this forum, but your first post affected me that much.
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