Is this normal behaviour from an AA sponsor
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Join Date: May 2019
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Indeed, peaceful2. Step One is...the first step.
It's the one thing that's really the requirement for sobriety.
It's the one thing that's really the requirement for sobriety.
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Originally Posted by August252015
Peaceful- on that rushing things....I've heard a lot of people talk about how they "got" step one quickly....then realized huh, maybe not so much. The word acceptance has so many meanings, to me. The first, not drinking, is the tip of the proverbial iceberg- which lets you start towards the promises of the program.
I'll add that during those first 97 days of being in AA, I mentally did steps 1-3. Meaning, I had to choose literal life or death - so I def couldn't control my drinking, and part 2 of step 1 - my life was a disaster (understatement of the history of the world), not just "unmanageable." I already believed in a God but realized I had run so far away from Him that I would need to do a lot of soul searching and exploring and have help to get a fitting concept in recovery. THEN I did the actual steps with my first sponsor. I always characterize myself as an extreme case of alcoholism - and I finally took my life and getting sober as hard and fast and seriously as anything else I had ever done - moreso, really, because I finally wanted to live.
My point here is that there's not such a thing as taking too long on a step IF you are working the layers of them, progressing in emotional and spiritual growth and I'd add BB knowledge, and not drinking. I'd also phrase that as having a running working of the steps, as you do each one. Learning new habits, places to go and choices to make, on and on - that comes with time and with guidance.
I'll add that during those first 97 days of being in AA, I mentally did steps 1-3. Meaning, I had to choose literal life or death - so I def couldn't control my drinking, and part 2 of step 1 - my life was a disaster (understatement of the history of the world), not just "unmanageable." I already believed in a God but realized I had run so far away from Him that I would need to do a lot of soul searching and exploring and have help to get a fitting concept in recovery. THEN I did the actual steps with my first sponsor. I always characterize myself as an extreme case of alcoholism - and I finally took my life and getting sober as hard and fast and seriously as anything else I had ever done - moreso, really, because I finally wanted to live.
My point here is that there's not such a thing as taking too long on a step IF you are working the layers of them, progressing in emotional and spiritual growth and I'd add BB knowledge, and not drinking. I'd also phrase that as having a running working of the steps, as you do each one. Learning new habits, places to go and choices to make, on and on - that comes with time and with guidance.
I have learnt a lot from this. Not having a sponsor left me with abandonment and rejection, self pity and resentment. Need to work in those emotions ..,
Infact my sponsor leaving me was a huge trigger to go on a long term binge so I am grateful to my HP that I didn’t drink on it. That to me is progress.
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Originally Posted by August252015
"I didn’t drink on it."
BINGO!
BINGO!
I only worked on step one and two with my ex sponsor
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Maybe the sponsor did not finish all of the modules of the sponsor training course.... Oops no such course exists.
My favorite AA speaker Sandy Beach summed it up quite well when he described AA sponsorship as the half blind leading the blind.
Here's a link to his famous "Drop the Rock" speech.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3odwo4T5oI
My favorite AA speaker Sandy Beach summed it up quite well when he described AA sponsorship as the half blind leading the blind.
Here's a link to his famous "Drop the Rock" speech.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3odwo4T5oI
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Join Date: May 2019
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Originally Posted by AAPJ
Maybe the sponsor did not finish all of the modules of the sponsor training course.... Oops no such course exists.
My favorite AA speaker Sandy Beach summed it up quite well when he described AA sponsorship as the half blind leading the blind.
Here's a link to his famous "Drop the Rock" speech.
My favorite AA speaker Sandy Beach summed it up quite well when he described AA sponsorship as the half blind leading the blind.
Here's a link to his famous "Drop the Rock" speech.
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Originally Posted by peaceful2
August252015.....You seem to have a lot of knowledge regarding the steps. I am intrigued to know why a lot of people rave about them. Is it because some go through a spiritual awakening? Or do they obtain more insight of their behaviour?
I only worked on step one and two with my ex sponsor
I only worked on step one and two with my ex sponsor
For me....AA was my last resort to get sober and find a way to truly live in recovery, which I consider well beyond just not drinking.
I committed to the program entirely, and a big part of that was taking the leap of faith that these people who seemed to have such good sober lives (real and complicated as they obviously are, yet far different than the horror show my life had become) knew a lot that i didn't. So, listening to people- some of the stuff I have told you above, like looking for the people who had want I wanted- and throwing myself 100%+ into the program- which is not simply going to meetings- was what I knew I must do.
Yes, I indeed found the steps work. Many people do indeed feel as the BB says "this is too much, I cannot do it!" (para). And lots "stop" around step 4 where you have to face everything you have done, those resentments we talk so much about, and take inventory of the areas of your life (fears, sex/personal relationships/etc). Then share them with another person. And indeed- in whatever terms or way we characterize going thru steps 2 and 3, a spiritual awakening and acceptance of your definition of a Higher Power is critical.
Taking each step one at a time, not skipping ahead - such as rushing to step 9 which is where we make amends to those we have harmed, which many of us are so antsy to do!
You'll hear a lot of talk about the promises coming true. I believe they are extraordinary indeed- both in the beautiful-ness of my life, and in the very basic fact that i am alive today. I credit AA and my commitment to sobriety and taking that chance out of having reached the end of the line for myself with giving me everything good and great in this free, clear, joyful, complicated, loving life I have now.
Reading the first 164 pp (I did this page by page with my first sponsor and am doing it now with my sponsee) is a great idea for you, as you (hopefully) get a new sponsor and commit to the steps.
Lastly, I believe that my program is the living, breathing backdrop of my life. I can turn to whichever step helps me with a given situation, or feeling, or decision and it's a touchstone. Daily, I do my best to live in 1 (acceptance/manageability), 10/11 (keeping current inventory/spiritual condition) and 12 (helping others).
Allllll this took time! I'm 1194 days sober today (I don't always count but had reason to this wk!) which is 3 yr and 3 mo and 10 days. Each bit in the progress, from the first 30 to first 100, each yr, all are critical, different, and indeed, full of promises, challenges I can better handle - and maybe most importantly? People I know get it and can help.
Glad you are here.
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Originally Posted by peaceful2
I didn't drink for 28 days and went to a social event last Saturday and picked up again. I don't know why I did but I am an alcoholic so nothing I do makes sense to me.
Anyway I stopped drinking the next day and phoned my sponsor and told her the truth. She asked me if this was my "convincer". Not sure what she meant but I said to her that I hated drinking and I want sobriety. I told her I will attend an AA meeting later also. She said phone her afterward the meeting and then phone her the next day at 9 am. I asked her if we were still meeting the next day at 10am to do step work. She replied with "Phone me at 9am tomorrow and we will go from there".
So that's what I did. She asked me how I felt and what am I going to do to make sure I don't pick up again. I told her that I recognise that I am a people pleaser which stems from insecurity issues and this is affecting my journey to sobriety. So I said I will avoid people and places from now on and put my sobriety first.
She told me she is concerned and says I have abandonement issues ( I told her I was adopted three weeks ago) so she can no longer sponsor me.
I don't get it?? Surely by putting down the drink the next day and attending an AA meeting the next day gives her an indication that I want to commit to the program? I didn't need to be honest to her. I could have lied. I wish I had now because I have lost a sponsor.
Isnt it progress not perfection?
Anyway I stopped drinking the next day and phoned my sponsor and told her the truth. She asked me if this was my "convincer". Not sure what she meant but I said to her that I hated drinking and I want sobriety. I told her I will attend an AA meeting later also. She said phone her afterward the meeting and then phone her the next day at 9 am. I asked her if we were still meeting the next day at 10am to do step work. She replied with "Phone me at 9am tomorrow and we will go from there".
So that's what I did. She asked me how I felt and what am I going to do to make sure I don't pick up again. I told her that I recognise that I am a people pleaser which stems from insecurity issues and this is affecting my journey to sobriety. So I said I will avoid people and places from now on and put my sobriety first.
She told me she is concerned and says I have abandonement issues ( I told her I was adopted three weeks ago) so she can no longer sponsor me.
I don't get it?? Surely by putting down the drink the next day and attending an AA meeting the next day gives her an indication that I want to commit to the program? I didn't need to be honest to her. I could have lied. I wish I had now because I have lost a sponsor.
Isnt it progress not perfection?
I am so sorry this happened to you.
My dear sponsor and friend told me something years ago: a sponsor is a friend and mentor, not a bully, not your boss, not your parent. We AAers choose to help each other (and ourselves) by passing on our experience, strength and hope....this is what we did, and these are our suggestions.
It sounds to me like you are giving this everything because it means everything to you, and my advice is to find a different sponsor. There are tons of awesome women in recovery.....the right person is waiting for you.
xx
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Glad you're here, peaceful, and sorry your AA career started off with a surly sponsor.
I have had the same sponsor since 1988.
Every sponsor, even my own (who has 37 years sober and clean time) is, at his or her heart, a drunk.
So we drunks sometimes say things we shouldn't (see Step 10 for that).
There is a world of fine sober ladies in AA who can help you work the Steps and, by their examples, show you how working the Steps leads to the manifestation of the Promises in your life.
Glad you're here.
I have had the same sponsor since 1988.
Every sponsor, even my own (who has 37 years sober and clean time) is, at his or her heart, a drunk.
So we drunks sometimes say things we shouldn't (see Step 10 for that).
There is a world of fine sober ladies in AA who can help you work the Steps and, by their examples, show you how working the Steps leads to the manifestation of the Promises in your life.
Glad you're here.
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Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by peaceful2
August252015..... Is it because some go through a spiritual awakening? Or do they obtain more insight of their behaviour?
i rave about the steps not because they saved my life but because they gave me life.
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