Is this normal behaviour from an AA sponsor
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 44
Is this normal behaviour from an AA sponsor
I didn't drink for 28 days and went to a social event last Saturday and picked up again. I don't know why I did but I am an alcoholic so nothing I do makes sense to me.
Anyway I stopped drinking the next day and phoned my sponsor and told her the truth. She asked me if this was my "convincer". Not sure what she meant but I said to her that I hated drinking and I want sobriety. I told her I will attend an AA meeting later also. She said phone her afterward the meeting and then phone her the next day at 9 am. I asked her if we were still meeting the next day at 10am to do step work. She replied with "Phone me at 9am tomorrow and we will go from there".
So that's what I did. She asked me how I felt and what am I going to do to make sure I don't pick up again. I told her that I recognise that I am a people pleaser which stems from insecurity issues and this is affecting my journey to sobriety. So I said I will avoid people and places from now on and put my sobriety first.
She told me she is concerned and says I have abandonement issues ( I told her I was adopted three weeks ago) so she can no longer sponsor me.
I don't get it?? Surely by putting down the drink the next day and attending an AA meeting the next day gives her an indication that I want to commit to the program? I didn't need to be honest to her. I could have lied. I wish I had now because I have lost a sponsor.
Isnt it progress not perfection?
Anyway I stopped drinking the next day and phoned my sponsor and told her the truth. She asked me if this was my "convincer". Not sure what she meant but I said to her that I hated drinking and I want sobriety. I told her I will attend an AA meeting later also. She said phone her afterward the meeting and then phone her the next day at 9 am. I asked her if we were still meeting the next day at 10am to do step work. She replied with "Phone me at 9am tomorrow and we will go from there".
So that's what I did. She asked me how I felt and what am I going to do to make sure I don't pick up again. I told her that I recognise that I am a people pleaser which stems from insecurity issues and this is affecting my journey to sobriety. So I said I will avoid people and places from now on and put my sobriety first.
She told me she is concerned and says I have abandonement issues ( I told her I was adopted three weeks ago) so she can no longer sponsor me.
I don't get it?? Surely by putting down the drink the next day and attending an AA meeting the next day gives her an indication that I want to commit to the program? I didn't need to be honest to her. I could have lied. I wish I had now because I have lost a sponsor.
Isnt it progress not perfection?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,428
Hi Peaceful2 
I'm not in AA, but I hope you'll find a new sponsor who'll work with you.
Being honest is always the best way to go -lying to keep a sponsor would not be good for you or for them.
Maybe this all happened so you can find the sponsor who'll help you get to where you want to be?
D
I'm not in AA, but I hope you'll find a new sponsor who'll work with you.
Being honest is always the best way to go -lying to keep a sponsor would not be good for you or for them.
Maybe this all happened so you can find the sponsor who'll help you get to where you want to be?
D
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Morning! I am glad you decided to quit, be honest with your sponsor and us and go back to AA.
Here's my take as a sponsor and based on how I was taught. I would have done just as your sponsor did- up until the part about telling you about your abandonment issues (note: these may be entirely correct and a legit assessment as a lay person) and giving that reason for no longer being your sponsor.
Here's why: the sincere desire to quit drinking and commitment to the program, as your sponsor asked in her way, is indeed what I require in a sponsee. And that's it, for getting started - I'm not clear as to if you have begun working the steps. I'd add to that requirement (which is based on the sole requirement for membership in AA) that I lay out my expectations for communication. For example, my sponsor contacts me FIRST each morning. The onus needs to be on her to begin each day reaching out, not me checking on her- when is up to her tho we have agreed it's basically one of her first things. My first sponsor was way more strict and gave me an 815-818 am window to CALL her (no texting allowed). If I missed that window, we didn't talk.
My sponsee and I also go to a meeting together then meet and are working the steps after - every Sun. She has a regular schedule of both AA and other meetings (our restaurant industry recovery group, the Buddhist center she goes to). Note- she is 85 days sober and we jut did Step 3. I am more flexible than my first sponsor BUT I credit that lady immensely with the discipline I learned about accountability as well as habits I keep to this day like reading pp 84-88 and 417-418 of the BB each morning.
Here's the other thing: there could be many reasons that have nothing to do with you that she has decided not to sponsor you. She might have picked one you shared so there was something "specific" to tell you, if that made her more comfortable. Not saying that's the best way to handle it. IME, it was difficult to "break up with" that first sponsor after step 3 (for various reasons, largely bc of her rigidity and I didn't trust her enough to do 4/5).
So I see her guiding you to "back it up" to step one, or even the discussion about wanting to commit to the program. That's perhaps why I'd ask you to call me after the meeting to discuss next plans- one reason being, did you go to the agreed upon meeting? Her choice of words to describe your tipping point, if you will ("convincer") sounds like personal phrasing to me, asking you if you are indeed ready. Identifying stuff like being a people pleaser is not core to the whole process, at this point.
Also- progress not perfection doesn't exactly "fit" here, in the sense that in the very beginning in particular, a fundamental desire AND dedication to working the program is necessary so perhaps that's where she sees you stuck. Not sure I'm wording that right- bc indeed progress is in coming back- but I believe that particular concept is more applicable to the spiritual progress not the literal part.
Ultimately, I hope you stay in the program, seek a new sponsor- and, importantly do indeed follow the suggestions laid out. Around here, many times it's called "temporary sponsorship" and those first 90 days, or for you, first 28, are just that kind of period.
One tactical note - I was exceedingly cautious and simply did not go anywhere that put alcohol in front of me, for quite a long time.
Best to you.
Here's my take as a sponsor and based on how I was taught. I would have done just as your sponsor did- up until the part about telling you about your abandonment issues (note: these may be entirely correct and a legit assessment as a lay person) and giving that reason for no longer being your sponsor.
Here's why: the sincere desire to quit drinking and commitment to the program, as your sponsor asked in her way, is indeed what I require in a sponsee. And that's it, for getting started - I'm not clear as to if you have begun working the steps. I'd add to that requirement (which is based on the sole requirement for membership in AA) that I lay out my expectations for communication. For example, my sponsor contacts me FIRST each morning. The onus needs to be on her to begin each day reaching out, not me checking on her- when is up to her tho we have agreed it's basically one of her first things. My first sponsor was way more strict and gave me an 815-818 am window to CALL her (no texting allowed). If I missed that window, we didn't talk.
My sponsee and I also go to a meeting together then meet and are working the steps after - every Sun. She has a regular schedule of both AA and other meetings (our restaurant industry recovery group, the Buddhist center she goes to). Note- she is 85 days sober and we jut did Step 3. I am more flexible than my first sponsor BUT I credit that lady immensely with the discipline I learned about accountability as well as habits I keep to this day like reading pp 84-88 and 417-418 of the BB each morning.
Here's the other thing: there could be many reasons that have nothing to do with you that she has decided not to sponsor you. She might have picked one you shared so there was something "specific" to tell you, if that made her more comfortable. Not saying that's the best way to handle it. IME, it was difficult to "break up with" that first sponsor after step 3 (for various reasons, largely bc of her rigidity and I didn't trust her enough to do 4/5).
So I see her guiding you to "back it up" to step one, or even the discussion about wanting to commit to the program. That's perhaps why I'd ask you to call me after the meeting to discuss next plans- one reason being, did you go to the agreed upon meeting? Her choice of words to describe your tipping point, if you will ("convincer") sounds like personal phrasing to me, asking you if you are indeed ready. Identifying stuff like being a people pleaser is not core to the whole process, at this point.
Also- progress not perfection doesn't exactly "fit" here, in the sense that in the very beginning in particular, a fundamental desire AND dedication to working the program is necessary so perhaps that's where she sees you stuck. Not sure I'm wording that right- bc indeed progress is in coming back- but I believe that particular concept is more applicable to the spiritual progress not the literal part.
Ultimately, I hope you stay in the program, seek a new sponsor- and, importantly do indeed follow the suggestions laid out. Around here, many times it's called "temporary sponsorship" and those first 90 days, or for you, first 28, are just that kind of period.
One tactical note - I was exceedingly cautious and simply did not go anywhere that put alcohol in front of me, for quite a long time.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Sounds to me like you're doing all the right things, that is of course besides drinking again. But we fall on our way to sobriety there's no question about that. On the oher hand, although I'm not an AA person, it seems to me that it's a program filled with normal, fallible people just like us. I'm sure someone else can speak to the specifics of what it means to be a sponsor but perhaps she saw too much of herself in you and it was going to affect her sobriety. Either way I just want to say I'd be hesitant turning my sobriety to anything external. A sponsor can help you but the the truth is that you have to walk this road alone. At the end of the day you're the one who can pick up again, no one can stop you but yourself. My mantra in early sobriety was no one is coming to save me, and it had served me well.
I think you have the right way of looking at taking the proper steps now to stay sober. But I also think that truly and deeply accepting that you can never drink again is absolutely crucial.
I think you have the right way of looking at taking the proper steps now to stay sober. But I also think that truly and deeply accepting that you can never drink again is absolutely crucial.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
AA rules are not written in stone. If my sponser was not what I was looking for, id find another one.
AA sponsors are not professional therapists. They are just like you and me.
Some are clean and moving forward, some are lieing about not drinking, some are on meds, some are not mentally stable etc etc etc.
I attended enough meetings to know that I was dealing with a group of folks that all had problems like me. Some less some more.
All the sponsors I considered to help me seemed to have 20 people already. They would have been very quick to assign me one of their sponsees.
So basically, I would have a sponser I didn't respect. That sponser would be giving me life advice etc? Not happening.
Folks here said, find a new meeting etc. I decided that if could stay clean on my own, using SR, I wouldn't need AA.
So far so good.
The face to face is good therapy, but in a 1 hour meeting there is no time for everyone to talk much. So, it was mostly listening. In my case, playing on my phone in the back. This offense is frowned up. Sorry.
Part of my AA experience was moving towards social time with my AA group. Non drinking get togethers.
I am not that social. I would rather hit the gym or do chores.
Plus, actually talking about the issues folks are dealing with gets to sound like a broken record pretty quick.
Even here at SR, the issues start to blend into similarities.
At least here, I can skip over them. At meetings, I was sort of stuck.
The fact that I have to say that I am not AA bashing could be assumed. I love AA and the big book. I know that I am a passive aggressive non conformist.
Basically, I am a mess, but I am a sober mess.
Hope this helps you in some way.
Thanks.
AA sponsors are not professional therapists. They are just like you and me.
Some are clean and moving forward, some are lieing about not drinking, some are on meds, some are not mentally stable etc etc etc.
I attended enough meetings to know that I was dealing with a group of folks that all had problems like me. Some less some more.
All the sponsors I considered to help me seemed to have 20 people already. They would have been very quick to assign me one of their sponsees.
So basically, I would have a sponser I didn't respect. That sponser would be giving me life advice etc? Not happening.
Folks here said, find a new meeting etc. I decided that if could stay clean on my own, using SR, I wouldn't need AA.
So far so good.
The face to face is good therapy, but in a 1 hour meeting there is no time for everyone to talk much. So, it was mostly listening. In my case, playing on my phone in the back. This offense is frowned up. Sorry.
Part of my AA experience was moving towards social time with my AA group. Non drinking get togethers.
I am not that social. I would rather hit the gym or do chores.
Plus, actually talking about the issues folks are dealing with gets to sound like a broken record pretty quick.
Even here at SR, the issues start to blend into similarities.
At least here, I can skip over them. At meetings, I was sort of stuck.
The fact that I have to say that I am not AA bashing could be assumed. I love AA and the big book. I know that I am a passive aggressive non conformist.
Basically, I am a mess, but I am a sober mess.
Hope this helps you in some way.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by peaceful2 
She told me she is concerned and says I have abandonement issues ( I told her I was adopted three weeks ago) so she can no longer sponsor me.
I don't get it?? Surely by putting down the drink the next day and attending an AA meeting the next day gives her an indication that I want to commit to the program? I didn't need to be honest to her. I could have lied. I wish I had now because I have lost a sponsor.
Isnt it progress not perfection?
ive been sober and in AA for a while now and i dont get the sponsors actions either. sponsors are to guide a sponsee through the steps. i can put stipulations on being a sponsee-do you want what we have? do you know what we have?are ya willing to go to any lengths to get it? but what happened in the past to the sponsee-its a duty of mine as a sponsor to help guide a sponsor(and as a human) to find the solutions for the past.
just my opinion but sayin she cant sponsor because of abandonment issues then walkin away from you because of that- a good sponsor would help a sponsee work through it using the steps or guide a sponsee to someone that could help. she might have just did you a huge favor. ya didnt lose a sponsor-she made the choice to not help when someone is reaching out. thats on her not you. i think yer HP is workin to help ya find the right one for ya.
nope- ya didnt have to be honest but im glad ya were.
i think she did you a favor. theres a good sponsor out there for ya. keep your ears and heart open. ask yer HP to help,too
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Great perspectives from the first few posters.
I think we all have abandonment issues. It's part of the Human Condition. Fear of separation.
I went to AA for the first few months. My take on it was similar to Di22y (except I enjoyed listening, didn't play on my phone. )
AA as a concept and AA's literature is inspired. Every person who self-identifies as an alcoholic would benefit from reading the Big Book and the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. In those books will be found the AA program and a solution to alcoholism. But more than that I found identification. I try to live the principles in the book even though I am not a meeting attendee. Same with the Bible. And yeah, progress not perfection. That goes for all of us.
I think that until and unless you completely surrender/accept your problem and the very simple solution to not pick up a drink ever again - then you'll continue to have internal and external conflicts.
I had a sponsor for about a week. Then I stopped going to AA because it just wasn't a fit for me. I'm sober over five years.
Keep reading and more importantly keep posting.
I think we all have abandonment issues. It's part of the Human Condition. Fear of separation.
I went to AA for the first few months. My take on it was similar to Di22y (except I enjoyed listening, didn't play on my phone. )
AA as a concept and AA's literature is inspired. Every person who self-identifies as an alcoholic would benefit from reading the Big Book and the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. In those books will be found the AA program and a solution to alcoholism. But more than that I found identification. I try to live the principles in the book even though I am not a meeting attendee. Same with the Bible. And yeah, progress not perfection. That goes for all of us.
I think that until and unless you completely surrender/accept your problem and the very simple solution to not pick up a drink ever again - then you'll continue to have internal and external conflicts.
I had a sponsor for about a week. Then I stopped going to AA because it just wasn't a fit for me. I'm sober over five years.
Keep reading and more importantly keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Sponsors aren't gods.... they're human beings.
Human beings are complicated ducks.
Human Beings who have been plagued with addiction and live in recovery are a special kind of complicated duck.
If I were in your shoes, I'd thank your sponsor for the time and energy she'd given you, get back to the Big Book, get back to The Steps, keep going to meetings and be open to the lessons in this.
Another sponsor will become apparent to you in time.
Don't hold onto this issue because it's not about you, it's about her. The next right thing is already spelled out for you in the steps. The stories are in the book.
Human beings are complicated ducks.
Human Beings who have been plagued with addiction and live in recovery are a special kind of complicated duck.
If I were in your shoes, I'd thank your sponsor for the time and energy she'd given you, get back to the Big Book, get back to The Steps, keep going to meetings and be open to the lessons in this.
Another sponsor will become apparent to you in time.
Don't hold onto this issue because it's not about you, it's about her. The next right thing is already spelled out for you in the steps. The stories are in the book.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 44
Thank you all for the replies. I really appreciate your comments and they have been very helpful to me.
I need to work on self pity and resentment....not an easy task. But I will continue with my AA journey and wait for another sponsor to cross my path.
Thank you
I need to work on self pity and resentment....not an easy task. But I will continue with my AA journey and wait for another sponsor to cross my path.
Thank you
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Peaceful - the self pity thing and the other thing I hated when pointed out to me, victimhood, are very real for most of us! And as you learn more about resentments, indeed as the BB says, they can be fatal to us.
I'd suggest what I was told- look for the people who have what you want. Who talks about the kind of peaceful, happy, real, sober life you'd like to find? Those are ones to get to know, possibly ask to be a sponsor, and learn from, as I have found. BTW I didn't get my first sponsor til 97 days- I was committed to AA and knew I wasn't going to drink again, ever, but I was slow to reach out to someone.
Also, I'd suggest now is the perfect time to do 90 mtgs in 90 days like we often suggest. You can get so much info - and, gently, remember that this is a process and getting ahead of yourself is probably not the best way to go. Step One can take as long as it takes, while you don't drink.
It also just occurred to me that maybe you have been to AA before this last 28 days sober? You use some good phrases and ideas that give me a sense you've got an initial grasp of where this program goes.
Keep coming back- here and IRL meetings.
I'd suggest what I was told- look for the people who have what you want. Who talks about the kind of peaceful, happy, real, sober life you'd like to find? Those are ones to get to know, possibly ask to be a sponsor, and learn from, as I have found. BTW I didn't get my first sponsor til 97 days- I was committed to AA and knew I wasn't going to drink again, ever, but I was slow to reach out to someone.
Also, I'd suggest now is the perfect time to do 90 mtgs in 90 days like we often suggest. You can get so much info - and, gently, remember that this is a process and getting ahead of yourself is probably not the best way to go. Step One can take as long as it takes, while you don't drink.
It also just occurred to me that maybe you have been to AA before this last 28 days sober? You use some good phrases and ideas that give me a sense you've got an initial grasp of where this program goes.
Keep coming back- here and IRL meetings.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I'm sorry you drank and are now confused about the situation. It is great that you righted the ship. This is your recovery so be very secure in that.
I can only share my experience but ultimately I work best with sponsors that take their role very literally. The best sponsor I had saw her job as walking me through the steps. Period. The rest was between me and my HP. So she wasn't my Mom, my bestie or my therapist. Simply my guide.
My personal feeling about closing the door after 1 relapse, if that is all that is going on, is that is kinda silly. Many of us relapse. But being able to walk from the 'relationship' at any time should really be ok for either party. Maybe not ideal, but ok. I would invite you not to take it personally. Move on and find someone else who fits. Sponsor drama is not uncommon so I wouldn't worry too much.
Hang in there. Don't drink. It'll get better.
I can only share my experience but ultimately I work best with sponsors that take their role very literally. The best sponsor I had saw her job as walking me through the steps. Period. The rest was between me and my HP. So she wasn't my Mom, my bestie or my therapist. Simply my guide.
My personal feeling about closing the door after 1 relapse, if that is all that is going on, is that is kinda silly. Many of us relapse. But being able to walk from the 'relationship' at any time should really be ok for either party. Maybe not ideal, but ok. I would invite you not to take it personally. Move on and find someone else who fits. Sponsor drama is not uncommon so I wouldn't worry too much.
Hang in there. Don't drink. It'll get better.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 82
Only you are in charge of your sobriety.
I quit, on my own. Never once attended an AA meeting. Most of my 'friends' don't know even know to this day, the extent of my addiction.
I'm not bragging. I'm just saying I'm reserved by nature.
I have my own techniques, and they work.
This post isn't against AA or against anything. Going back to the initial sentence. Only you are in charge.
Speaking from experience, your time and energy will be better spent on exploring the techniques and activities that shape your sobriety. Not on analyzing third party behavior, which is perpetually subject to volatility, and therefore totally out of your control, whether you like it or not.
I quit, on my own. Never once attended an AA meeting. Most of my 'friends' don't know even know to this day, the extent of my addiction.
I'm not bragging. I'm just saying I'm reserved by nature.
I have my own techniques, and they work.
This post isn't against AA or against anything. Going back to the initial sentence. Only you are in charge.
Speaking from experience, your time and energy will be better spent on exploring the techniques and activities that shape your sobriety. Not on analyzing third party behavior, which is perpetually subject to volatility, and therefore totally out of your control, whether you like it or not.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
I cannot speak to whether or not that is "normal sponsor behaviour". As far as I know there is no comprehensive training or guidelines.
What I do know...from a human perspective... is - people's actions are as much (if not more) about them and not about you.
I don't think it really had anything to do with the fact you picked up (and put down).... something "tweaked" her during the course of your exchanges. Perhaps reminded her of a similar person or situation.
I sincerely doubt this sponsor's decision had a whole lot to do with you. I am partial to an old adage I heard recently...
"if it's hysterical, it's historical".
What I do know...from a human perspective... is - people's actions are as much (if not more) about them and not about you.
I don't think it really had anything to do with the fact you picked up (and put down).... something "tweaked" her during the course of your exchanges. Perhaps reminded her of a similar person or situation.
I sincerely doubt this sponsor's decision had a whole lot to do with you. I am partial to an old adage I heard recently...
"if it's hysterical, it's historical".
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by peaceful2
I need to work on self pity and resentment....
Getting over myself seems the hardest row to hoe....
No matter what has happened in my past - I'm in charge now. If I don't like what I got - then I gotta change it - and that pretty much takes sober wits.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
You have abandonment issues, so I will also abandon you, whilst being insulting.
This sponsor probably did you a favour. Find someone you can work with and please, do not let people speak to you the way your sponsor did.
This sponsor probably did you a favour. Find someone you can work with and please, do not let people speak to you the way your sponsor did.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Posts: 348
peaceful2
What impressed me about your post is your willingness to take the actions necessary to begin your recovery. It strikes me that you took more action than that woman you thought was your sponsor. You didn't do anything wrong. Pick out a lady in a meeting who is happy in her sobriety, somebody whose words and actions match. It sounds to me like she was doing more interrogating than showing up for another suffering alcoholic. Something's not right.
I had quite a few not too good experiences with sponsors. I got sober in a very small town where there weren't a lot of women to choose from. I kept on, though, and I didn't drink. That's the main thing, just don't drink. Pick a lady who loves the program of Alcoholics Anonymous because it saved her life.
What impressed me about your post is your willingness to take the actions necessary to begin your recovery. It strikes me that you took more action than that woman you thought was your sponsor. You didn't do anything wrong. Pick out a lady in a meeting who is happy in her sobriety, somebody whose words and actions match. It sounds to me like she was doing more interrogating than showing up for another suffering alcoholic. Something's not right.
I had quite a few not too good experiences with sponsors. I got sober in a very small town where there weren't a lot of women to choose from. I kept on, though, and I didn't drink. That's the main thing, just don't drink. Pick a lady who loves the program of Alcoholics Anonymous because it saved her life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by August252015
Also, I'd suggest now is the perfect time to do 90 mtgs in 90 days like we often suggest. You can get so much info - and, gently, remember that this is a process and getting ahead of yourself is probably not the best way to go. Step One can take as long as it takes, while you don't drink.
It also just occurred to me that maybe you have been to AA before this last 28 days sober? You use some good phrases and ideas that give me a sense you've got an initial grasp of where this program goes.
Keep coming back- here and IRL meetings.
It also just occurred to me that maybe you have been to AA before this last 28 days sober? You use some good phrases and ideas that give me a sense you've got an initial grasp of where this program goes.
Keep coming back- here and IRL meetings.
I think I rushed into things too quickly..perhaps thinking it was more a competition rather than fully accepting step one. I will take more care this time and listen more.
Thank you all for your replies. They have been very helpful
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Peaceful- on that rushing things....I've heard a lot of people talk about how they "got" step one quickly....then realized huh, maybe not so much. The word acceptance has so many meanings, to me. The first, not drinking, is the tip of the proverbial iceberg- which lets you start towards the promises of the program.
I'll add that during those first 97 days of being in AA, I mentally did steps 1-3. Meaning, I had to choose literal life or death - so I def couldn't control my drinking, and part 2 of step 1 - my life was a disaster (understatement of the history of the world), not just "unmanageable." I already believed in a God but realized I had run so far away from Him that I would need to do a lot of soul searching and exploring and have help to get a fitting concept in recovery. THEN I did the actual steps with my first sponsor. I always characterize myself as an extreme case of alcoholism - and I finally took my life and getting sober as hard and fast and seriously as anything else I had ever done - moreso, really, because I finally wanted to live.
My point here is that there's not such a thing as taking too long on a step IF you are working the layers of them, progressing in emotional and spiritual growth and I'd add BB knowledge, and not drinking. I'd also phrase that as having a running working of the steps, as you do each one. Learning new habits, places to go and choices to make, on and on - that comes with time and with guidance.
I'll add that during those first 97 days of being in AA, I mentally did steps 1-3. Meaning, I had to choose literal life or death - so I def couldn't control my drinking, and part 2 of step 1 - my life was a disaster (understatement of the history of the world), not just "unmanageable." I already believed in a God but realized I had run so far away from Him that I would need to do a lot of soul searching and exploring and have help to get a fitting concept in recovery. THEN I did the actual steps with my first sponsor. I always characterize myself as an extreme case of alcoholism - and I finally took my life and getting sober as hard and fast and seriously as anything else I had ever done - moreso, really, because I finally wanted to live.
My point here is that there's not such a thing as taking too long on a step IF you are working the layers of them, progressing in emotional and spiritual growth and I'd add BB knowledge, and not drinking. I'd also phrase that as having a running working of the steps, as you do each one. Learning new habits, places to go and choices to make, on and on - that comes with time and with guidance.
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