Dee74

I tried to quit for fifteen years. Every Monday would be day one and by Monday afternoon more often or not I was drinking again.

I could usually last about 3 days...my record, before SR, was 2 months.

I drank because as bad as it was, I knew the ins and outs of drinking...even with the shame and guilt it was something I could do to change the way I felt, if only for a little while.

Not drinking - that thought was terrifying. I ended up drinking for almost any reason. Waking up was a reason.

I was locked tight in a dependent situation.

My fears took me straight to a place where the only defence I had against the ups and downs of life was taken away.

I had no confidence in my ability to weather life sober.

but I found SR

SR taught me that I could find other ways to deal with life.
SR taught me that I was more capable and resilient than I knew.
SR was understanding and supportive and never gave up on me.
SR gave me hope and inspiration.
SR was firm but always left me with my dignity and the responsibility for my own choices.

SR made it possible for me to finally take that leap of faith.

I try and not forget that.

If I find myself getting too involved in someone elses struggle and I'm frustrated I could end up becoming a haranguer or a nagger or a sniper rather than a supporter.

I know then its time to step back a bit and recalibrate. I know there'll be someone else in this great community who'll step up and take my place in the 'pit crew'.

My job is to share my experience. Full stop.

A lot of the time that works and helps and leads to happy outcomes....
but I have to remember the outcomes not up to me.

D

Numblady

Well said as usual, sir.

Helianthus

Great post and congrats Mr Administrator!

least

SR helped my recovery by assuring me that things would get better if I just stayed sober. There were plenty of bad times in early sobriety so it was comforting to be told that things would improve.

It was a leap of faith, but I had lots of support and encouragement.

Atlast9999

thomas11

Yeah, the guy is a wordsmith. Drives me crazy. Read a sentence and its like a hours worth of therapy.

Caprice6

Same here, 15 years, longest stretch maybe was close to 3 months (I estimate it to 3 cuz I had lost count but definitely between 2.5-3M).
Today, even knowing better, knowing it probably wouldn't help, I deemed compassion or personal experience would be in vain, and against my better judgment I decided to take another less desirable or soft approach.
Any good or sound advice would be like banging your head against a stone cold wall. Even though I wasn't right, I wasn't wrong either cuz I also understood where that person was coming from and felt.
I wish I could go back when I felt the same and had acted differently then, not after many years. I think there was just nothing else at this time anyone could say or do to get through.

bexxed

Mic drop.

And thanks, D. You always, always have helped me.

Whether it’s sobriety or something else, we can’t want it more than the person who has the actual agency to create it does. I’ve applied that in so many aspects of my life. It is freeing, actually.

Healthyandsober

but how you can help i am so embarass to even post because i fail i am a failure i stop every day and i am back here so...

ReadyAtLast

Thanks dee. I needed to read this today.

Dee74

Good to see you back HAS.

Have you thought about going back to AA maybe ? If you're embarrassed to go back to your old group, maybe go to another one?

There are other meeting based groups too like SMART or Lifering. Outpatient rehab might be an option too?

and of course there's always SR.

No need to feel embarrassed here. Nearly everyone here has been where you are

D

Dee74

Thanks all
I'm glad what I had on my mind was useful for others too

D

Caprice6

Always great posts Dee.

Q - What do you do when a person doesn't want help, but they want to hurt instead? Do you ignore them?

Dee74

I don't think there's any one right answer there Caprice - and I wouldn't set myself up as an authority anyway.

I try to respond to each member here individually - sometimes that means offering experience or things that might have helped me, and sometimes that means recognising that someone just wants to vent and is probably not looking for fixes right now.

sometimes I get that wrong too

D

Caprice6

That's fine, I don't see myself as an authority either, knowing how things run and not being able to be a sounding board or waste much energy (being tired as well too, including). I find it unfortunate, when you just want to figuratively shake someone "out of it," but it doesn't work that way.
Perhaps a midlife crisis follows the existential one in some cases on the bright side.

Delilah1

Great post as always Dee! You were one of the first to reach out to me on SR, and are definitely one of the people that was a big part of my recovery.

I always try to be supportive, and I agree with taking a step back if we are frustrated. I feel the frustration comes from not being able to control someone else’s decisions when it comes to sobriety. I so badly want them to experience how amazing sobriety is.

Thanks for all you do Dee!!

❤️Delilah

amy55

I joined this forum in August 2011. I am an alcoholic, I'm also a triple winner. I started out in the newcomers section, but then I moved over to family & friends section. Just reading the stories over there and how they were coping with things is what I needed for me. First step though was to put the bottle down and then just to listen. I think at times that I got frustrated with other people, but I came to realize that I cannot control another person, the only person that I can control is myself.

It's been a long discovery journey for me, almost 8 years now, but the one thing I learned is that I cannot tell others what to do, I can make suggestions, and I can relate my own story, and that's it. Sometimes it resonates with another person, sometimes the person resonates with someone else.

Guess I just want to say that SR, no matter what forum I am on here, saved my life, and now I actually do have a life.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) to everyone here and thanks for being here.

amy

newhope01

brighterday1234

Hevyn

I love you, Dee. You're one of the main reasons I'm sitting here without a glass of poison by my side.