Lucy79

Hi everyone, 4 days today. I keep messing up on the weekends but determined to make it through and stay sober. Helping my kids decorate eggs. I'm baking and cooking for our family meal tomorrow, having some family over. I'm making my Grandmother's recipe for homemade bread that I have had every Easter growing up, but not in many years. She has since passed away and I have been telling myself for years I will make it but have not. I even had my husband run to the store just now to get the things I forgot because it would be too tempting to go by myself. I keep playing the tape all the way through and seeing me not enjoying Easter, completely hungover, annoyed getting up early, ruining the baskets because I would be drunk putting them together after the kids go to bed and just not being able to be present and in the moment for these special times with my kids that are fleeting as they get older. I'll be checking here often as Saturday night is when I usually like to drink and especially when I'm cooking and preparing for something. But it won't be a of couple relaxing drinks. It will be a whole bottle of vodka or more ending with me probably eating some of the food I cook for dinner tomorrow and making a slovenly mess out of myself,.. I can do this. I'm going to keep reading this post when the cravings keep hitting me.

least

You have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. Not easy, but simple.

Ghostlight1

You CAN do this. And it sounds like you're doing all the right things. It's inspiring to read you determination.
Best to you, and , yes, keep posting.

Lucy79

I really, really want to be sober more than I want to drink, more so everyday. It's fighting the stupid voice in my head, but I'm working hard on it! Thanks for replying

Lucy79

Thank you so much for the support!! It means a lot

Ghostlight1

It's going to be the best Easter ever for you and your family!

sweetichick

Saturday nights are always tough. Think of how bad it would be if you lost your kids. Not saying it will happen but has happened to many alcoholic mothers. What you are achieving tonight is great. Proud of you for the big effort.

Dee74

Busy is good - but if being busy is the only tool in your toolbox what happens when you're not busy?

Not to be harsh - just saying....

I really recommend a recovery action plan to cover all kinds of days and all kinds of moods - be ready

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D

PhoenixJ

great post

DesertDawg

"Playing the tape forward" was one of the most valuable tricks I had in early recovery. Keeping in mind what would happen if I had that first drink (foolishly thinking I could keep things under control), realizing what the inevitable outcome would be.

Lucy79

Not harsh at all! You are absolutely correct! I've been working on my recovery plan, I do have a list of other things to do, reading, projects I've put off. I've always liked to be busy and not sit, so it's just in my nature. When I get bored is when I tend to reach for the bottle. I like to stay busy and when I'm sober I can get so much more done! I also have a journal I found from 7 years ago and I've been reading how much I struggled then. I can hardly believe all this time has passed and nothing has changed besides stringing together at most 8 months. It's really putting things in perspective for me. Also listening to some cool podcasts on sobriety. Never listened to a podcast in my life. lol!

Lucy79

Still sober and had a great night baking and cooking with my family. THIS is how I WANT to spend every day and every holiday. Even though I'm super tired from not sleeping well, I'm so happy I will be putting together baskets sober and then turning in the for the night. Thank you for all the encouraging posts. I'll be on tomorrow a lot as well.

sweetichick

That's great news Lucy. It made my afternoon.

Callas

Staying busy is my saving grace as well so far. I’ve worked out a routine to cover all the trigger times like after work, weekends etc. So far it is working. I guess we all have different ways of coping. Finding your way is what counts. Well done on this weekend.

SunflowerAngel