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Old 04-17-2019, 03:43 AM   #1 (permalink)
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A labs tale


I don't know where to start. I drink every night. Straight vodka. I want to stop. I go a day or so without it but then back to it. I've got an appt with a grief therapist on Saturday. Lost my dad just before Christmas and cannot get through the unimaginable pain. I know stopping drinking will help but it seems like my only soloist now I read here daily. I journal gratitude. I listen to podcasts. I just am list.

thanks for listening to me whine.
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Old 04-17-2019, 03:46 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Labgirl - welcome back

I hope the grief counselling will help

Reading here is good too - but why not commit to posting here daily or even more than that for a while.

Its not asking that much and you may just discover a way forward that you've not yet considered?

D
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Old 04-17-2019, 04:28 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Thank you Dee. I will try this. I'm not much of a communicator but am desperate to stop drinking. I want to live my best life so badly. Thank you for the support.
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Old 04-17-2019, 05:06 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Unlike many others, drinking never seemed to ease any pain or grief for me. I just became a grieving drunk. Humans have evolved to experience loss and grief. There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to grieve, and I believe not grieving draws out that empty feeling for much longer than it needs to be. The correct response to loss is grief. Drinking is an incorrect response.

If you default to drinking in such situations, I would suggest you have a separate problem, not related to the loss. So now you have two problems.
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Old 04-17-2019, 05:42 AM   #5 (permalink)
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It's a good thing to seek help, from SR and elsewhere if you choose, to get the aid of a grief counselor. Drinking will only feed the grief that you are experiencing, and it's not going to be good for you either in terms of your own life. From how you are consuming now, I don't think that just getting the aid of a therapist is the only thing you need.

Now that you are coming here to deal with the Vodka that is eating at you, the best thing to do is to stop drinking it. You then have two positive things that you are doing to address how you are living now, both good starts. The intensity of the grief should be subsided without the booze, and you will be less vulnerable overall.

I know what it is like to lose a father, it happened to me last month. Join me in a clear headed way to remember the beauty of your memories and to allow yourself to find a path that will take you forward instead of stagnation and pain. You will feel better in time.
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Old 04-17-2019, 06:09 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Labgirl - I'm so glad to see you posting. I found my anxiety lessened when I opened up at SR. It was hard for me in the beginning, but the understanding & compassion I found here really helped me heal. I hope it will do the same for you.

I was drinking all day at one point. I was so afraid to let go of it - to allow myself to feel again. The first few days of sobriety were rough & I felt a little disoriented - but that was short lived. Once I got through that phase I felt reborn & free.
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Old 04-17-2019, 04:17 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by labgirl View Post
Thank you Dee. I will try this. I'm not much of a communicator but am desperate to stop drinking. I want to live my best life so badly. Thank you for the support.
The great thing about SR is you don't need to be a great communicator to share your story or ask for help, labgirl - we want to listen and to help
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Old 04-17-2019, 04:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Try posting if you feel like drinking. We'll try to talk you out of it. I hope you find the support you need to help you get sober for good.
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Old 04-17-2019, 05:08 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Labgirl, I know your dad would want you to live your best life, too. Use your grief as a stepping stone to the life you want. I'm glad that you will be seeing a therapist and as Dee said, reading and posting here will always be helpful.
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Old 04-18-2019, 04:45 AM   #10 (permalink)
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You can do it, Labgirl; I believe in you.
I'm sorry for your loss.
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Old 04-18-2019, 10:28 PM   #11 (permalink)
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When you are ready for us, or even when you arent, we are here!
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Old 04-23-2019, 10:51 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I'm back. Had computer access issues which finally got resolved.
thank you all for your thoughtful replies. A lot of good advice. Advice and personal experiences that I needed to hear.
I am reading about SMART recovery and trying to fine a meeting in my vacintity. I plan to join that with SR and my counselor to stop this madness.
You're right. I do have other issues that I drink at and they must be addressed too. The drinking just exacerbates them. I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel and that scares me.
today is day 1
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Old 04-23-2019, 11:00 AM   #13 (permalink)
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My mother’s dementia developed from moderate to severe over the last three weeks. That coincided with my stopping drinking. (Not planned, just coincidence). If I was still drinking today I would be in the neuro-clinic. There is no way I could have handled the current situation if not sober. I am very grateful. I hope you succeed.
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Old 04-23-2019, 11:52 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi labgirl welcome and well done on day 1, im only on day 3 but the support on here is amazing and so comforting
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Old 04-23-2019, 12:59 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Thank you both calls and tinkerbeau. I'm gonna give it my best shot.

I'm about to leave work and this is when the urge is greatest to pick up on the way home. Posting here before I leave and again when I get home.
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Old 04-23-2019, 01:10 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Hi - keep posting, stay connected to SR.

Good people here!
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Old 04-23-2019, 03:00 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I'm home. Didn't stop for a bottle. Talked to my mom almost all the way home to distract me. It worked.
thanks CG. I agree completely
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Old 04-23-2019, 03:05 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I'm really glad to read that labgirl

D
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Old 04-23-2019, 04:16 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Great job getting home without a bottle labgirl.

Now plan what you will do for distraction when you crave a drink.
Hot tea, shower, walk, movie, puzzle, journaling etc.

Usually craving will pass in ten or twenty minutes tops.

Ice cream is a very powerful weapon against the urge to drink

You can do it!
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Old 04-24-2019, 01:38 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Hi all. Up and going to the gym. Slept ok. Just feeling kinda blah right now. I'll do my meditation shortly. I'm shooting for consecutive days on the app. Makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something. I'll be reading on the forms today as I can and will post when I can.

thanks to each of you for your encouragement. I need it. I feel so lost right now.
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