Robbie64

Mods / admin: I hope this is the correct forum for this. If not please feel free to move it.

As part of my treatment for alcohol addiction I am attending some group sessions at my local addictions treatment centre.

One group I went to the other day saw the group discussing our long term goals with regards to alcohol. Mine is abstinence as I've had a problem with alcohol going back over 30 years and have unsuccessfully tried to moderate a number of times.

Three of the group stated they wanted to attempt reduction with a view to exercising moderation in the future. Two of them are in their 20s, the other is, like me, in his 50s and went 10 years without a drink before he started drinking again.

I know most people, possibly all of us, here see abstinence as the only answer. But I was wondering whether anyone here thinks that someone who has a serious issue with alcohol (as everyone in my treatment group has) has can ever reduce their alcohol consumption long term to drink moderately? I truly don't think they ever will be able to and are therefore setting themselves up for a constant battle with alcohol. But I do wonder if the problem is "nipped in the bud" in time if it would be possible. The scenario I'm thinking of here is where someone starts to have a bad relationship with alcohol in their early 20s, their drinking has increased to dangerous levels but they don't have a long period of abusing alcohol.

I know of people who were heavy drinkers in their late teens (you can drink alcohol in the UK at 18) and early 20s who then realised their drinking was out of control and cut down considerably what they were drinking. I don't know if they did this off their own back or with professional help (there wasn't much in the way of treatment centres around where I live back then in the late 80s). But maybe they didn't actually have an addiction to alcohol in the first place but rather just started to overdo it a bit? Heavy drinking among late teens / early to mid 20 somethings was common in the UK back then.

I'm interested in the views of other posters here. As I already posted I don't see moderation as the answer for myself but I do wonder if people here think that reducing alcohol drinking to moderation can sometimes be achievable and if so in what circumstances?

lessgravity

Those who need to moderate can't, those who can moderate don't need to. My two, very well-earned, cents.

Sunflower79

Robbie64

That's a great sentence that sums up entirely how I feel.

Wood4trees2018

Hi Robbie

I used to go drinking with a lot of people in my 20s that drank too much. Some still do 20 years later but it isn’t ruining their life others it’s a problem.

Some people can moderate, I can’t , you can’t hey ho. I wasn’t worried about drinking in my 20s though the signs of it becoming a problem were clearly there.

Moderate drinking..... what’s the point of that?

Anna

Robbie, just so you know, we don't promote the use of alcohol at all, so we don't promote moderation here. This site is about people seeking abstinence.

Robbie64

I realised I had a problem with my drinking when I was 24 but even then I made no attempt to do much about it other than keeping a drinking diary and trying to cut down which I did manage to achieve for a while. However I never tried to seek any professional help until I was in my 30s and by then my alcohol addiction was far too entrenched. Up to that point I just used to think I could drink moderately as I had done from when I first started drinking at 17/18 until when I was 21. I could never work it out at the time that when I was drinking moderately I wasn't doing it deliberately by watching how much I had, it was simply that back then I drank moderately because alcohol wasn't the main reason for me going out, it was secondary to socialising. But by the time I was 22 / 23 alcohol was the main reason I went out and that's when I started to drink more and more until it started to take over my life.

Robbie64

Sorry Anna. I wouldn't take any offence if you were to delete or lock the thread.

least

I find abstinence a lot easier than trying to moderate.

PeacefulWater12

I cannot moderate. I tried many, many times to do so. All manners of plans, schemes etc.

Abstinence works for me.

lightanddark

I had a "successful" stint of moderation last year for a few months. By successful I mean I thought it was at the time. But alcohol was still having a terribly negative effect on my life, and my perceived "success" in moderating was masking it. I would drink more often, just less heavily. I would still get too drunk and make bad decisions with money and or drugs, just not blackout.

It of course got to the point where moderation was out the window, even though I was "trying" to, the want to drink was stronger than the will to moderate when the first beer hit my lips.

Why I'm here now, a week sober, is that I find abstinence easier in a way, hard as hell, but easier in terms of not having to deal with the*Q#! alcohol brings me.

Instead of worrying about whether or not I will be able to moderate or whether or not I'm going to do something remarkably stupid again because of alcohol, I can instead not drink and that rules out those possibilities.

gettingsmarter

IMO once you develop an unhealthy relatationship with alcohol trying to moderaterate is just an effort to slow down your progress to rock bottom. I may be able to moderate for awhile but eventually I will get back to that horrible place I never want to go back to.

1 drink once a week on the weekend just to celebrate all my hard work during the week.

then

1 drink every other day is not sending me to hell.

then

Oh hell Ill have 2 cause 1 isn't killing me. Oh ya then I drink that shot my "buddy" just bought me cause I can't be uncool.
Now I'm hungover on a weekday and need to just have 1 drink after work because the day was so hard cause I was hungover.

then

then

then

then

Same old broken record that sounds exactly the same as the last time I played it.

ReadyAtLast

I can moderate but I don't want to. As Wood4 trees said What's the point? I drank to get drunk. 1 or 2 glasses seemed pointless. I would rather have none. Moderation is fruitless, pointless.

for me it is just so much easier, better, less tortuous, healthier to just not drink at all.

lightanddark

I could never understand how some people I know can sup away at a drink for an hour and then only have one more? What was this madness I thought? Hurry up and finish your beer!

Now it's clear. Those individuals are (likely) not problem drinkers. I'm like you, drinking for me is to get drunk, otherwise I'd just be frustrating myself as I'd crave more.

I'd rather just not bother

WeThinkNot

When I had my last relapse the problem wasn't moderation but rather thinking I wasn't truly an alcoholic.

I had three months of abstinence (not sobriety) my last time. Three months is enough time for the shakes and sweats to finally go away. It is also enough time for me to get used to having zero drinks every day. Then the brain starts playing tricks...

"See I can't be an alcoholic. If I was an alcoholic then it wouldn't be so easy for me to not drink. It would have taken longer for my body to recuperate."

The first night I went back out I was only planning on getting buzzed. I ended up blacking out and because I had three months clean my body was in BAD shape the following morning. So what did I do? Why I went to get a fifth of whiskey to ease the pain of course!

In the end that experience ended up being a blessing. Once I saw that I couldn't even do one night of drinking without blacking out it erased any thoughts of moderation I may have had.

ReadyAtLast

Exactly! Even now I see people taking over an hour over a glass of wine. I think why bother? You're clearly not enjoying it. And I genuinely don't think they are. Why don't they just have a soft drink which they'll probably enjoy more and drink more quickly.

Maybe people who drink really slowly aren't really enjoying it but just drink to seem civilised/grown up/ expected in the environment they are in etc. Not saying they have a problem-they obviously don't

Kaneda8888

I cannot say that I have met someone who has successfully moderated their drinking. That isn't to say I haven't met anyone who has claimed to successfully moderate their drinking. I simply cannot confirm whether it is true. I often claimed to folks that I could moderate my drinking. A horrible lie but I knew that they wouldn't ever figure out the truth. I guess what I am saying is its a moot question. Difficult to prove whether folks can moderate.

For me, moderation is another way of asking can I be a normal drinker. My track record indicates that the answer is no. Countless number of attempts. All lead to failure. Eventually. Abstinence, despite being very difficult at the beginning, is actually easier for me than moderation. To date. And the side benefits are fabulous. Hopefully, this will remain so in the future.

Dee74

I was never able to 'nip my problem in the bud' so I can't answer your question Robbie.

All I know is I could never moderate - I drank to get smashed, right from my very first time.

I confused myself because I surrounded myself with drinkers like me, but
I never was a normal drinker.

Normal drinkers leave half glasses behind.
Once I started I tried my best to drink the pub dry.

I don't think anyone who drank like I did should harbour any hopes of one day trying to drink moderately.

Drinking moderately is alien to me.

I'm definitely happier with abstinence - I've found gifts and realisations I could never have found as a drinker.

Atlast9999

sugarbear1

We Don't Moderate anything when it comes to emotions or imbibing. Abstinence, in my experience, is the only thing keeping me alive..........