sva777

Agree with lessthangravity 100%



My example:

My wife is someone who doesn't have a drinking problem. She has never even thought about moderation.

Oregongirlsite

Evoo

+++

Took me years to realize that, as an alcoholic — with tortuous effort — I could “moderate” for months on end. I could give up liquor, stick to beer/wine, mostly avoid hangover and “pass” as someone who can drink socially/normally. Occasionally I’d overdo it — get sick for a day or two and taper off back to moderating. I’d chalk it up to the fact that even “normal people” get hangovers now and then, right?

But that’s not moderation. That’s not normal drinking.

That’s an alcoholic “successfully” moderating. It’s miserable, tortuous thing. In fact, only a glass or two gives me a headache, I don’t want to moderate. If I drink, eventually (even if takes months) my AV takes over and I get plastered... just enough to “pass.”

That’s not living. No thanks.

I actually love this thread, because I want to tell my story with “moderation” over and over. I came here nearly a decade ago looking for help with “moderation management.” I got a lot of the same kind of comments from folks here.

I didn’t listen. If I had, I would’ve saved myself a lot of pain.

Real freedom from addiction is abstinence. That’s real strength, that’s real control.

Kdon853

Evoo

Mine too. I’ve never seen her drunk. She has a glass and then she’s done. And when I told her I wanted to quit drinking forever last week, she gave it up in solidarity without even blinking (I even told her that was unnecessary).

Tailai

Delilah1

I managed to successfully fail at every attempt at moderation, and I certainly tried enough times. I have a little over three years sober, and life is so much better without alcohol. I can't imagine ever going back to that craziness.

MindfulMan

I can't speak for others. Maybe there is that rare person who can do it. I myself cannot, and evidence suggests that the odds of having a normal relationship with any addictive substance after addictive use is slim to none and Slim is out of town.

I don't see the fun in moderate use, it's a constant negotiation with your DOC. People who drink moderately do so without trying.

RobinPeaceful

​​​​​​Hi everybody, interesting discussion.
At age 61, I have had a problem with alcohol for the past 3 years. Before that, I had no problems controlling my use. At this stage of health, I am pre-diabetic. So drinking at all is a bad idea for my blood sugar, and sobriety. This is one more complication that tells me to not drink at all. Thanks.

columbus

"I managed to successfully fail at every attempt at moderation"

;-)

Pippo

Some can learn to moderate over time. A lot of my binge-drinking college friends are now moderate drinkers, and don't seem to have issues stopping.

Others like myself, have wasted better parts of a decade trying to learn the art.

The question really comes down to you.

Can you afford to spend the time/energy/mindpower to learn it? Could be days, could be months, could be years. Could be a lifetime.

Place your bets...

Dee74

As someone else said normal drinkers don't need to learn to moderate. The only people who go on about learning to moderate are alcoholics.

D

CupofJoe

As an example of alcoholic thinking:

My best friend quit drinking and then approached me, saying he thought I had a problem, too.

I told him I had the problem solved. I had learned to successfully moderate.

He asked me how, completely incredulous.

Simple, I told him. During the week, I won't let myself buy more than a pint of vodka. That way I don't overdo it and I can get to work the next morning. Once I opened a bottle, I'd finish it, no matter the size, so it was much safer for me to buy pints. He then informed me that only alcoholics buy pints.

I had no idea. I had been dead serious. I honestly thought that drinking only a pint of vodka a night was moderate drinking. And for me, it actually was moderation. That was actually the first time it hit me that I might have a problem.

(And, yeah, I would request the plastic bottles because once my hands were shaking and I dropped a glass pint and didn't have enough money for another and didn't want to make that same mistake again.) (But, no, really, I didn't have a problem...) (Ugh.)

Like others have said, if you have to moderate, you probably can't. And if you're searching the web for a site to help you learn how to moderate, it's probably too late...

Sobriety is so much better!

Evoo

Hehe, gosh this sounds familiar.

Thinking “moderation” is just finding the balance between being able to get drunk and being just hungover enough to be functional during the day.

I’m pained just thinking about it.

The biggest problem with that is that eventually you’ll tip the scales and a pint won’t cut it when you’re drinking off withdrawls. More allowances, more alcohol...

It’s amazing I used to think the path to normalization and “moderation” was paved with more drinking.

Great post

ThomPom

How does an alcoholic define "moderation"? There is just more than one perspective looking at it.

Moderation is usually understood as reducing alcohol, but still enjoying drinking. "Oh great, I can have two drinks each Friday". For the addicted mind this dosn't work. Neither did it for me.

But then again, later on, I went via "moderation" to abstinence. But at that point of time I had a different view on "moderation", which was a) completely accepting my addiction, b) the goal to gradually lowering my alcohol consumption to "0", not even one drink.

My goal was not anymore "looking forward to friday", but to cut down at each day at each opportunity at each graving, at each emotional trigger as much as I could do - until total abstinence. Simply because I was too weak to stop all at once.

This is a whole different perspective on "moderation". It s a way towards sobriety.

But I realized this is not the way this forum works, these two perspectives are often confused or not accepted, interpreted as AV tricking you into a form of allowing you to continue drinking.

A quick poll on this forum showed that about 15 % went that way.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-quitting.html (Dis you quit "all at once" or did you reduce your drinking over time before quitting)

So, for those 15% "moderation" was a way to sobriety, not a goal in itself. Maybe they have unusual profile, maybe they are addicted more on an emotional level than bodily level, maybe they are no binge drinkers. But still it woked for them. I personally would reccomend to try to stop all at once, but if this dosn't work over time, this type of moderation may be a worthy way to consider to get to total sobriety.

Dee74

What you're referring to is usually called tapering here, or sometimes weaning down.

It didn't work for me either - but it's not what most of us mean here when speaking about moderation.

and as proud as I am of SR, there's really only anecdotal value in our polls. man - they're not scientific.

D

ThomPom

Yes, you are right. But how can you plan tapering, or, at least, having the intention to - but not being interpreted as your AV trying to negotiate an OK to continue to drink?

I experienced that with some people, when I said "I am still drinking, but less and less, until I am sober" they replied "BS, you are still drinking".

Later on, once I was sober for some time, explaining "I tapered before I got sober" all is OK for them, because you are considered sober at that point.

Even if 15% is not scientific validated, but there is a certain share that went that way. And it's difficult to communicate, even, other addicts could benefit from such information.

Dee74

I couldn't plan tapering any better than I planned moderation. Once I ingested alcohol, all my good intent went out the window.

That's why my view, and the view of the majority here, borne of experience, is pretty much all or nothing. The only way to sure success is abstinence.

You can do what you want, and you can opine all like - so long as it's within our rules.

The promotion of Harm Reduction, tapering, and moderating all fall outside our rules.

If you want to argue something different, you're better discussing it on other sites like Reddit.

Like it or not, this really isn't the site for you to argue anything but abstinence....not a path that may lead to abstinence - or equally may not - but abstinence.

Dee
Moderator
SR

Tetrax

This is so true and shouldn't be forgotten (especially by me, with my history of exactly this...)

Accord1