New guy here, today is day 45 for me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 31
New guy here, today is day 45 for me.
Hello. My name is Trevor. I’m 37 years old and today is day number 45 without a drink. It has been close to 15 years since I could say that. I have lurked this site for quite some time but I decided today that I would join so that I could share my experiences with others and hopefully learn some things from everyone here as well. My drinking led to me losing the love of my life and two step children who I love with all my heart and consider my own. My drinking caused a lack of communication, lack of emotions and lack of intimacy in our relationship which ultimately led to its end. I’ve been absolutely devastated the last 45 days but surprisingly it has been much easier than I anticipated to not drink altho I have many “reasons” I would use to use to drink. The hope of getting my family back was the #1 reason for me to quit but then I quickly realized that if I wanted to keep living at all that this was my only option. The first week was a little tough. I’ve dealt with night terrors etc since I was a little kid and the drinking had never been any good for that and as most of you probably know you think drinking helps you sleep but in reality it does not. And quitting completely made me a bit of a mess for that first week. By the second week I was feeling amazing physically but struggling something fierce mentally and emotionally. It’s a very bizarre spot to feel terrible and amazing at the same time. Hard to explain. I thought things would just keep getting better and maybe they are but I can’t see it yet. I feel like things have plateaud so to speak but the depression and anxiety is getting worse day by day. I really don’t have the desire to drink but a few times I have had a couple NA beers while I watch tv or whatever and that kinda makes things feel “normal” again, it’s more the routine than anything I think. Maybe I’m wrong and I shouldn’t even be doing that, I don’t know. In the process of losing my family I also found myself with no place to live so I have been staying at my work, in my car or at a hotel once a week so I can shower. I love the clarity in my head but it’s also extremely scary at times. I feel like I’m starting to ramble on now but I look forward to meeting and interacting with people here.
Welcome man. Booze will take every single thing from us unless we find a way to shut it down for good.
Lots to learn on this site, which you may know already. It got me sober. You still have a long life ahead, time to make amends and right your ship.
I do not think NA beers have any place in you getting sober though I must say.
Lots to learn on this site, which you may know already. It got me sober. You still have a long life ahead, time to make amends and right your ship.
I do not think NA beers have any place in you getting sober though I must say.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 500
Hey man, nothing wrong with rambling, I do it often on here. Congrats on your 45 days of sobriety. Over my 180 days of sobriety, I've consumed a total of 4 NA beers...2 during the Super Bowl, 2 while bowling with friends. I don't consider that breaking sobriety. Some may, but I don't. I believe your sobriety is YOUR sobriety, and only you define it.
I too lost the love of my life because of drinking, and almost lost my life in the process. I had feelings of depression and anxiety, but those have faded, and I believe they'll fade in your life as well. Stay strong, and I'm always here if you need to talk.
I too lost the love of my life because of drinking, and almost lost my life in the process. I had feelings of depression and anxiety, but those have faded, and I believe they'll fade in your life as well. Stay strong, and I'm always here if you need to talk.
Welcome Kab.
Life is a bit rough for yu oat the moment, but your words show you doing the right stuff. I need some sort of daily support- mostly SR, but also meetings. GP checkups and a psychoist to help with the mess in my head.
Support to you.
Life is a bit rough for yu oat the moment, but your words show you doing the right stuff. I need some sort of daily support- mostly SR, but also meetings. GP checkups and a psychoist to help with the mess in my head.
Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Uk
Posts: 564
Hi Trevor, welcome to SR , I'm early days as well, I can't begin to tell you how much this site has helped me 😃. I have gathered so much strength, hope an knowledge to keep pushing me on.
I wish you much love🙏💖
Keep posting, keep close, and remember your not alone.
Together we are strong
I wish you much love🙏💖
Keep posting, keep close, and remember your not alone.
Together we are strong
Trevor - I'm so glad you decided to join us. We all understand the challenges you've faced. Be proud of those 45 sober days. You will rebuild your life, & thing will get easier.
Hi and welcome Trevor - I'm glad you found us - congrats on 45 days.
It might work for some, for me it just made me miss the buzz even more- and it reinforced the idea that I 'should' be drinking when I was watching TV.
D
I really don’t have the desire to drink but a few times I have had a couple NA beers while I watch tv or whatever and that kinda makes things feel “normal” again, it’s more the routine than anything I think. Maybe I’m wrong and I shouldn’t even be doing that, I don’t know.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 31
I appreciate the welcome messages from everyone. I’m in a really bad place and it seems to get worse every moment. It isn’t even about drinking. That’s not going to happen. In fact I’ve been out to bars more in the last 45 days than I have in a few years and there’s not even one part of me that has even wanted to drink. It’s the depression and loneliness that is destroying me now. I stopped the thing that was destroying my life only to have it get steadily worse. I’m so lost. I know I need to keep positive but I honestly don’t know how right now. Every minute feels like an eternity and it’s like my life is slipping away. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.
Don't start thinking this is the best it's going to get Kaboom
I had 20 years of brain pollution thanks to alcohol...that takes a little time to recover from..and going sober is a big cjange which might see our old way of socialising change completely...
depression and loneliness are pretty much a part of everyone early recovery experience but it gets better - the depression lifts and, as we build a sober life we love, so does the loneliness
My advice is find other places to be sober in - cafes, movies, walks, sports, picnics...hanging around in bars with drinkers is likely to just make you miserable.
D
I had 20 years of brain pollution thanks to alcohol...that takes a little time to recover from..and going sober is a big cjange which might see our old way of socialising change completely...
depression and loneliness are pretty much a part of everyone early recovery experience but it gets better - the depression lifts and, as we build a sober life we love, so does the loneliness
My advice is find other places to be sober in - cafes, movies, walks, sports, picnics...hanging around in bars with drinkers is likely to just make you miserable.
D
Welcome Trevor!
I’m glad you’re here and sorry things are hard right now. It’s not easy to get sober let alone while you’re homeless and heartbroken. This site as you know is an invaluable resource. It might be a good idea in your situation to seek out some support in real life, also... Getting your life together bit by bit is key to staying sober and well. Remember drinking doesn’t help anything but hurts more.
And we are all here, 24/7.
I’m glad you’re here and sorry things are hard right now. It’s not easy to get sober let alone while you’re homeless and heartbroken. This site as you know is an invaluable resource. It might be a good idea in your situation to seek out some support in real life, also... Getting your life together bit by bit is key to staying sober and well. Remember drinking doesn’t help anything but hurts more.
And we are all here, 24/7.
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