Tried to moderate
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by WhoDeyPI 
Ya'll, I don't think he was saying that he considers 10+ drinks "moderation". I think he was saying his INTENT was to only have a few...but as expected it turned into sliding down the slope. For me, drinking in moderation would never work. I'm a "drink to be drunk" drinker. I love hitting the "tipsy zone", but then once I hit it, it's never enough until I'm passed out.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
"Decided total abstinence was far too difficult and decided to moderate."
At first you are going to think I'm trying to be a wise ass, not the case, but make a different decision .
You really did decide abstinence is too difficult, you actually can decide is isn't.
Make different/better decisions, you will thank yourself.
At first you are going to think I'm trying to be a wise ass, not the case, but make a different decision .
You really did decide abstinence is too difficult, you actually can decide is isn't.
Make different/better decisions, you will thank yourself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I was there for a lot of years HC - total abstinence seemed unreachable, but trying to moderate was equally untenable.
I finally decided I was doing nowhere near enough to make change happen.
When I finally decided to make my life's work be me not drinking, I started to get somewhere.
If you can't do that yourself, I think you should seriously consider rehab.
D
I finally decided I was doing nowhere near enough to make change happen.
When I finally decided to make my life's work be me not drinking, I started to get somewhere.
If you can't do that yourself, I think you should seriously consider rehab.
D
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Believing that rehab was only for people who drank heavily every day starting in the morning kept me drinking for a lot longer than I should have. Believing I could moderate (and succeeding on rare occasions) fooled me into thinking I wasn't an alcoholic. So many wasted years. Don't waste your life. That's for anyone reading this thread - not just the OP.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by MLD51
Believing that rehab was only for people who drank heavily every day starting in the morning kept me drinking for a lot longer than I should have. Believing I could moderate (and succeeding on rare occasions) fooled me into thinking I wasn't an alcoholic. So many wasted years. Don't waste your life. That's for anyone reading this thread - not just the OP.
I never used the word "alcoholic." It felt so permanent. My AV worked very hard to make this word toxic. I would say:
I'm not like those people in the meetings, right? It's been a year and I only got drunk on Thanksgiving -- and it wasn't that bad! Everyone was drinking! The other times I was able to cut it off and go to sleep before I had too much. It's not like my 20s where I was physically addicted. No, it's not like that -- I've recovered from that. I'm a normal drinker now, even my family is proud of me and offers me drinks now. I'm recovered.
What a lie I was telling myself. The fact that I could forcibly moderate with tortuous effort (and "cutting off" with marijuana) to avoid hangover/withdrawals hardly made me a "normal" drinker. And even then I had worse weekends that I would admit to myself (or anyone else). It just allowed me to socially drink at great personal cost, allowing a poison to loom over me like a dark storm cloud. I always walked into drinking situations with anxiety and fear -- and never communicated it with anyone.My AV was always winning. No longer.
Thank you for sharing that, MLD51.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
I hated thinking I was an alcoholic. It didn't seem to fit how I saw myself. I surely wasn't one of "those" people, was I? Well I was wrong. My whole idea of who alcoholics were was wrong. When I went to my first AA meeting and saw all of the seemingly normal, everyday people saying they were alcoholics, I was kind of blown away. I had found my people. And they were just like me. Even if their lives had fallen apart more than mine had before they got help, we were still the same deep down inside. Sure opened my eyes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
Originally Posted by MLD51
I hated thinking I was an alcoholic. It didn't seem to fit how I saw myself. I surely wasn't one of "those" people, was I? Well I was wrong. My whole idea of who alcoholics were was wrong. When I went to my first AA meeting and saw all of the seemingly normal, everyday people saying they were alcoholics, I was kind of blown away. I had found my people. And they were just like me. Even if their lives had fallen apart more than mine had before they got help, we were still the same deep down inside. Sure opened my eyes.
My ego told me I was better than "those" people, but it turns out I was not. The irony is that once I accepted I was one of those people and quit drinking my life got better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
I liken moderation to "flying" a plane while it's in a tailspin shooting towards the ground at about 500 miles per hour.
You can tell yourself you have your hand on the stick, even though you can't move it, and you can tell yourself you're still flying, despite the inevitable crash and burn.
You can tell yourself you have your hand on the stick, even though you can't move it, and you can tell yourself you're still flying, despite the inevitable crash and burn.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by ljc267
You sound like I used to think. I remember thinking ok I'm going to moderately drink from now on, and at the time, that meant drinking no more then 12 beers during the week and 14 on the weekends. I'm serious. How skewed is that thinking. To me 12 beers was moderate drinking.
That didn't work. Then I said ok I'll only drink 6 and 8 on weekends. It was torture. It was like taking 1/2 an aspirin for a migraine.
If you are an alcoholic moderation will never ever work. I tried for a decade and I am an extremely disciplined person and it didn't work.
It's hard to quit, believe me I know, but you can do it and you will be far better off because of it.
That didn't work. Then I said ok I'll only drink 6 and 8 on weekends. It was torture. It was like taking 1/2 an aspirin for a migraine.
If you are an alcoholic moderation will never ever work. I tried for a decade and I am an extremely disciplined person and it didn't work.
It's hard to quit, believe me I know, but you can do it and you will be far better off because of it.
For me, 10 drinks was about half of what I normally drank on a week day, so that would have been a pretty modest sitting for me.
But going on the wagon, for me, was like a 6 pack or so.
I'm worried about HC.
He needs to be back on this thread.
I need to first make a decision to get help.
Then seek it.
Then work and follow a trusted plan of recovery.
I had to basically change everything.
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