tekink

Delilah1

Hi Tekink,

I'm sorry you are there. I would have a conversation with your wife and let her know that you won't be attending any more parties. Let her know that you cannot be around alcohol, and you are happy to attend functions that don't involve drinking.

I have skipped some family parties because I don't feel like dealing with the drunkenness taking place.

Keep checking here tonight as much as possible.

DontRemember

I know if I drank towards a situation i was already angry/pissed at, that'd i'd be even more pissed off at the people/place once I got drunk,thus making a complete ass outta myself. Been there many times! Uber not an option or are you the DD for your wife?

entropy1964

That sucks.

But try to think about tomorrow morning. Try to think about how good you will feel when you wake up sober, no hangover, no regrets, coffee brewing.

That my friend will definitely not suck. I have never regretted not drinking at or over something the next day. Never.

Dee74

Hi tekink

I get the resentment and anger but stay focused - it would be madness to let go of your recovery for what will be a only few more hours of discomfort.

There are things I have to go to sometimes when I'd rather just be at home, just as there are things my partner comes to for me- it's the natural give and take of good relationships.

Why not make the best of it - stewing in the corner being miserable is no good for you or anyone else. Is there anyone there worth talking to? any kids to entertain? anything you can do to help in the kitchen or in cleaning up?

If it's really unendurable what would be the logistics of just you leaving? Cab ir Uber?

For what its worth I never go anywhere without thinking about the logistics of getting home when I want to go.

D

tekink

DontRemember

Glad you got outta there!

I'd for sure need to talk with my wife/SO, after I'd calmed down a bit(things I never did when drinking). UFC fights are on ESPN+..main event about to happen soon if you're bored.

Anna

It really sounds like you have to talk with your wife and be honest.

I'm glad you got through the evening.

least

I'd also suggest a friendly chat about being in such situations and how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

AtomicBlue

Good work staying strong and getting out of there tekink!

mistory5

thank God!

Delilah1

I'm glad you were able to get away. I would definitely talk to her tomorrow. She probably just wants you there, and may not realize how difficult it is for you.

There are lots of newbies on the Newcomers forum who could probably use a little support and encouragement, maybe you can spend some time responding to posts while you're there. It always makes me feel better when I feel I'm able to help someone else.

kiki26

DontRemember

While I 'try' not to go to straight up drinking events anymore..in my early recovery,while still with my exgf, there were some events I 'shouldn't miss' type things. She'd be drinking and having a grand old time and I'd be resentful..not really at her/their drinking,but the 'why do I need to be here?'.."I have all kinds of other stuff I'd rather be doing than this" type feelings..that's also a part of marriage or being in a relationship though...so, when I found myself getting pissed, I'd try to step outside for a few minutes,take a walk or leave. That's why I mentioned 'calming down a bit before you talk to her'..

Edit: you being calm and her being sober. Pretty sure most of us either know or have been told how a conversation with a drunk person goes most times. LOL

Stayingsassy

No one makes you go anywhere. You decide where to go. I am also married, for quite a long time actually. During sobriety I developed a muscle about saying no. Getting sober was hard, and it was ENOUGH to deal with. No added temptations were necessary, so I abjectly refused to attend anything I was not comfortable attending.

Did husband like it? No. Did my mom like it? No. Did my friends like that I was sober? No.

I was saving my own life. I decided when, where, and who I dealt with: period. I had no interest in using my guilt to be pushed into situations that would threaten my sobriety.

I will use my guilt to not lie anymore, to be alert and aware all the time, to employ good decision making, to be a fair partner and employee, to treat others with respect....all things that needed to be amended as a sober person to those who are in my life.

Going to booze parties is NOT part of my amends.

Please consider this carefully. You can be incredibly nonselfish by making sure you are selfish about your own needs. Mull that one over.

tomsteve

she doesnt have to realize it. you do. she didnt tie you up and drag ya there-you volunteered. she doesnt "make" you do anything- you volunteer.
youre allowed to say no-even to your wife. you are allowed to stand up for yourself.
maybe some day youll be able to go to these events,get out of yourself,and be able to add to the occasion. until then, stand up for yourself.

GingerSnow

Your post was hours ago, so you're probably just waking up or still sleeping. If I read your intro right, you have almost 2 years? I don't think it's the fact that there is booze everywhere, I think it's the fact your stuck with your wifes family for the night. You're not in your early days anymore, and we all know we can't just run out of the room if we see a bottle of wine or our favorite whisky on the table. Maybe in the beginning, but realistically this is something we'll all have to deal with one day.

I think what Dee and Don't Remember said is spot on. Being in a relationship is give and take, and attending family functions with in-laws you'd rather not be around is just something you have to suck up. Sister-in-laws big 50th kind of falls in that category. I can understand how you feel, and doing it drunk might have made some of it more fun, but you'd just regret the next day and for days after.

I'm not sure what advice I can give, but maybe try to make your own fun? Drunks say stupid things and it might be fun seeing what you can get them to talk about. It would be nice to be on the side of the fence that doesn't feel regret for what they said or did the night before. Or what Dee said, if you can't join them in their conversations, then wash some dishes and put some music on in the background while you're doing it. Big parties always have lots to clean up after, you'd be keeping yourself busy and doing the host a favor. Instead of being the grumpy guy in the corner, you'd be the hero for attending the party and helping them tidy up. Just some thoughts..actually I'm trying to give myself some ideas too for the next family event that I have to attend to

DriGuy

Going to a drinking party is one of those situations where you have to make an import decision. YOU have to make it, not your wife. If you can handle being around drinkers without participating, you should be fine. Otherwise you are risking your own sobriety. You can tell your wife you are not going. Yes, this may very well **** her off, because as a couple you have to do what the other one wants... OR NOT. There is give and take in a relationship. There are also boundaries and limits for each of you. Before you establish your own boundaries you need to know what your limits are. How much risk to your sobriety can you afford? If you are arguing about what movie to see, that's one thing. But if it's about a life or death situation, that's a lot different. Risking sobriety early in recovery warrants a zero tolerance attitude.

Leaving the party is commendable. You did the right thing. Alcoholism is that dangerous to those of us who no longer want to waste the rest of our lives. Non participation at drinking events is a "now thing," not something you eventually plan to do, unless you are not that serious about sobriety.

DriGuy

I wish they would let me punch the "Thanks" button sixteen times.

thomas11

That would be the worst, glad you made it through the ordeal.