elhen

Hello, I am new to posting but not to this site, been reading for years. Been battling the demon booze for years too. But same thing, not really doing anything but reading about what to do for years ha.

I have been stopped drinking for 13 days now. Had some mild urges. This time I decided to put into action some of the things I have read and been told has been successful for others. Namely changing my whole routine. Instead of sitting at home unemployed, alone and boredl have began volunteering for 2 different charities 24 hours a week.

I will not allow myself to morbidly reflect on things that are past. Or worry about things that might happen in the future.
I cannot afford that "luxury" as it makes it impossible to live in my head.

I am fixing what I can about the damage and debt my drinking caused and accepting I caused this trouble myself so must live with the consequences.
I am an adult and have to act like one and stop seeing drink as my escape hatch from reality. I have to build a new, better reality to live in.

All fine and dandy, but it will be keeping these changes in place that will be hard, I know. As I think I will have to change my basic personality of inconsistency too.
Wish me luck!

Hawkeye13

Good luck
You can do this

Meraviglioso

Wow! Congratulations on 13 days sober, for fighting those urges and for DOING something about your circumstances! Really, I know full well how hard that can be, especially in the early days but I think it is a really important part of getting on the right path. Volunteering is such a wonderful idea. Not only do you stay busy but you can concentrate on other issues/problems (i.e. not your own) for a while. Being helpful to others is also helpful to you as well. What kind of volunteer work are you doing?

Keep up the great work there, stick close to here and don't be afraid to reach out for additional help if you need it. The fact that you seem so accountable for your actions and are willing to make big changes says a lot about your determination. I know it is frightening but the only way to do it is just to do it, fear and all.

Taooo

Good luck! Sounds like you are serious and ready to do this.

Stronger2017

elhen

Thank you everyone for your encouragement, much appreciated.
I am volunteering in two charity shops Mervisolgo, quite daunting after 6 years of not really mixing with people! Only been doing it a week but as well as helping charities I care about, it will help me in trying to get paid work.
I did work for 14 years of my binge drinking, but 6 years ago I got to the stage where I couldn't hold a job down.
Its quite daunting starting again in my 50s but the alternative and carrying on like I was is even more daunting.
I've already done the hospital admissions lots of times, the being arrested, the losing all my friends and family keeping me at a distance. Downward is getting darker and more terrifying everytime I fall another level. So although I feel a lot of trepidation striking out in a different direction now, I feel more scared of going in the direction I was

Dee74

Sounds like you're off to a great start elhen

D

Meraviglioso

That sounds really great elhen. Not only are you volunteering, which is great in and of itself, but doing so for charities that interest you and using the opportunity to feel out potential job prospects. It sounds like a very positive step in the right direction.

Do you have anything else in mind as to what you can do to support your recovery? Counselling, AA or other meetings? It might be something to consider.

Wishing you all the best, you've really inspired me this morning.

D122y

El,

Everything changed for me when i quit drinking.

It happened forced and naturally.

I copied sober people. I went to a few AA meetings. I read and posted here and there.

Getting cleaned up was very very very hard, but the benefits are worth it. Living a life of addiction is weak and pathetic. I was a dead man walking.

It took a several physical symptoms and some break downs, i was lucky to have not lost everything, to finally shake me out of my broken record addiction lifestyle.

I am interested in fitness and entertainment now. I enjoy my workout time and am starting to see results. I love seeing shows, dining out and cooking at home.

I had to really focus on filling the time gaps left by the deletion of booze. Waking up sober every day with a normal to above average immune system now is like hitting the lottery.

Health is wealth.

I still crave at times, but I get so much satisfaction out of being able to confidently drive everywhere at any hour, lift weights, and do cardio better than ever, that I will never relapse.

I see booze as a poison. It is a highly addictive central nervous system toxin. As soon as we drank it our body goes into expulsion mode. All of our bodys' energy works to eliminate the toxin. That is why booze saps the immune system.

It also permentally damages nerves in the brain. That is why I felt so horribly anxious for months and months. The brain has to rewire and I have to get used to a new normal.

I still feel anxious at times, but nothing like the first year clean.

It takes years to recover and I am still healing. The av will always remain and that is why folks regret relapse after decades of sobriety. It is permanent brain damage. We all have it.

My goal is to make to my death bed sober. On my death bed I plan to say...I made it sober.

Thanks.

elhen

Mera, I am into SMART recovery, using the REBT techniques to work on negative thinking and dealing with urges. There are no f2f meetings in my town, but who knows in the future if I pull myself together may be able to start one myself. I do use the website though.
I do go to the odd AA meeting, although I do not agree with some of the philosophy of AA I do find it useful to hear how people are dealing with their sober lives after drinking to deal for years.
Having read a lot of your posts over the years, I have found a lot of your writings to be an inspiration to me

elhen

D112y, I have read extensively on the research into alcoholism being a physical brain disease. The evidence is very convincing. As is the evidence it is passed on genetically.
Also the research that is discovering thoughts and actions can change brain chemistry and structure. Add in the poisoning the actual alcohol does and I agree it will take some time to alter the brain back to where it can function anywhere near how it should.
I have read a lot of your posts too and they always hearten me, that even though you haven't always found it easy, you have stuck with it and are succeeding in your sober life.

D122y

Et,

I have always been a helpy person. It is in my dna.

That is why I don't post a lot of things that are bragish, theroetical (to me), touchy feely or high fiveish etc. Usually.

I post my interpretation of the science of my addiction and I always try to insert...me....instead of....you.

My style.

I know I could relapse any time and there might be folks that would say...I saw that coming. These people include my family, coworkers etc etc.

It is the nature of addiction. I am a stubborn person and part of my sober muscles involve proving my critics wrong all day long....moment by moment.

Thanks for the therapy.

elhen

I like the sound of that, proving my critics wrong! 😊
My mother phoned the other night, I was cooking and had phone against my shoulder. I barely spoke half a dozen words, when she said it was obvious I was drinking and went to hang up! I was outraged and had a rant. But, give a dog a bad name and I suppose it's going to take time for it to earn itself a good one.

Dee74

It takes time to rebuild a reputation, but you will elhen

D

elhen

I hope so Dee 😊