Gottalife

There's a bit of AA wisdom that has more than a little truth in it;

" Sometimes we hear an alcoholic say that the only thing he needs to do is to keep sober. Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn't. But he is yet a long way from making good to the wife or parents whom for years he has so shockingly treated. Passing all understanding is the patience mothers and wives have had with alcoholics. Had this not been so, many of us would have no homes today, would perhaps be dead.

The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough. He is like the farmer who came up out of his cyclone cellar to find his home ruined. To his wife, he remarked, "Don't see anything the matter here, Ma. Ain't it grand the wind stopped blowin'?"

Yes, there is a long period of reconstruction ahead. We must take the lead. A remorseful mumbling that we are sorry won't fill the bill at all. We ought to sit down with the family and frankly analyze the past as we now see it, being very careful not to criticize them. Their defects may be glaring, but the chances are that our own actions are partly responsible. So we clean house with the family, asking each morning in meditation that our Creator show us the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love."

OtterIsland

I don't have a lot to offer for decent advice as I'm back to day 1 after 40 days of sobriety, however, I know first hand that the past is what wrecked my 40 days of sobriety and I need to figure out how to let it go going forward.

And when I'm not drinking, I'm eating. I don't want to see how much weight I've gained in these last 40 days....I eat or drink to make the feelings about the past and my insecurities go away - the guilt, disappointment and replaying situations in my head from 2, 4, 6, 8, 10+ years ago. But it doesn't seem to matter what I do it always comes back to smack me in the face, just when I think I have made progress

All I can offer is one day at a time and working to let go as much as you are able. I'm changing therapists shortly and hope to find one who can help me tackle these issues better than the last 2 have.

Keep posting, let us know how you are doing.

bunnezjp

I'm almost 5 years sober.

Many things I've come to terms with and forgiven myself.

There are a few things that I will probably never get over, and I'll accept that.

~Bunnez

tomsteve

that remorse and guilt was horrendous for me early on. i was beatin myself up pretty bad. one day at an AA meeting i was sharing about some of the crap i was remorseful over. after i got done the old fart sittin next to me nudged me and said,"quit kickin yourself in the ass. youre not a bad man just a sick man. bad men dont feel the way you are feeling and there is a solution."
my family wasnt confident i was serious about getting sober early on- they heard it a few times before- and changing which was quite understandable.
i got into the solution which was the steps of AA. i looked at the past to learn what made me tick- to learn what needed changing.
my DOS is 4/23/05. summer of 2012 my niece bought a house and asked if i could refinish the floors before they moved in. after a few days of work we were having a bar b q in their back yard. somehow the topic of "tom antics while drunk" came up. family shared a couple memories and i tossed a few in myself and able to laugh about it.
then my niece asked,"uncle tom, how long have you been sober?"
"its been a bit now."
'well, im glad because if you were still drinking you wouldnt be here and like you around."

i can say today that my past is the most valuable posession i have. i am no longer running from it nor afraid of it. no longer have to try and stuff it and act like it didnt happen and it doesnt haunt me.
i own it- i did it all. i dont condone my behavior back then and am no longer that man. i dont regret it and it doesnt haunt me any more.

its a feeling i hope you get to experience.

SoberCAH

The answer to your questions for me is that, if you work the 12 steps of AA and participate in other aspects of the program, the answers to all of your questions is "yes".

I was a pretty wretched guy when I drank.

Now, I don't think that's the case at all, even though I miss the mark from time to time and have to make an occasional amend.

We're glad you're here with us.

freshstart57

You must forgive yourself first before any recovery can take place. Accept that these things happened and that you did them, then forgive yourself. I did this by giving myself a fresh start and that is when the real work began. I made peace with myself by vowing that these things would never and could never happen again. And slowly, those who loved me accepted the new me with relief.

You can find your way through this, Hope. You have everything you need inside you already to become a never-drinker. There is a full and rewarding life waiting for you when you do. Onward!