It’s the most difficult time of the year
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 3
It’s the most difficult time of the year
I’m fairly new to all this - my new husband got high on our honeymoon (last month) in Mexico and went missing for 36 hours - he was high. Yes knew his past but he was sober. Now we are getting an annulment. He did this to me in the summer and yet promised it wouldn’t happen again. I let him know I wouldn’t stay for the third time. Is it just me or is it even difficult to wrap presents? I heard my parents talking about an extra present - it was suppose to be his. It was suppose to be my first Christmas as a newlywed. Yet now I find myself in a daze, crying at random moments. When does the pain start to go away?
Last edited by BetterinTime; 12-22-2018 at 05:00 PM. Reason: Incorrect spelling
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,680
BIT- your show strength and courage in deciding to take the actions you have.
Although there are contributing factors- at the end of the day- my alcoholic behavior over many years destroyed my family unit. I would not wish any partner to put their lives on hold- or in a holding pattern, where days turn to months then years.
yes- this time of year sucks if we are not in a Disney 'happy families' movie. I have major depression- and it gets triggered by ALDI adds.
What I know to do- is to post at SR lots, then more then even more. I join and contribute to lots of threads in the Newcomer's forums. Check them all out.
Also - for me, meetings- journaling, art, driving in beautiful country with very loud music (safely) TRYING to be kind to myself, professional support- someone to talk to, and mindful breathing stuff and the most basic and useful in the moment- HALTS.
If I am feeling sh.it I ask, am I
Hungry- I eat
Angry- breathe stuff, walk, distract, talk, coffee meet, read, library,community centre..
Lonely- meetings, visit someone, even just go to a mall to be around 'humans'
Tired or thirsty nana naps, hydrate- not only just coffee or fizzies- water!!
Sad or stressed- talk to someone- my psychologist or GP or a friend, or at SR.
If I cannot fix by myself- I get help.
It gets more bearable. I lost my wife and my 2 adult sons do not talk to me, despite coming up to 3y sober in the first quarter 2019. You have to look after you first, more bearable- but the pain is always there.
Stay safe. My prayers and support to you. PJ.
Although there are contributing factors- at the end of the day- my alcoholic behavior over many years destroyed my family unit. I would not wish any partner to put their lives on hold- or in a holding pattern, where days turn to months then years.
yes- this time of year sucks if we are not in a Disney 'happy families' movie. I have major depression- and it gets triggered by ALDI adds.
What I know to do- is to post at SR lots, then more then even more. I join and contribute to lots of threads in the Newcomer's forums. Check them all out.
Also - for me, meetings- journaling, art, driving in beautiful country with very loud music (safely) TRYING to be kind to myself, professional support- someone to talk to, and mindful breathing stuff and the most basic and useful in the moment- HALTS.
If I am feeling sh.it I ask, am I
Hungry- I eat
Angry- breathe stuff, walk, distract, talk, coffee meet, read, library,community centre..
Lonely- meetings, visit someone, even just go to a mall to be around 'humans'
Tired or thirsty nana naps, hydrate- not only just coffee or fizzies- water!!
Sad or stressed- talk to someone- my psychologist or GP or a friend, or at SR.
If I cannot fix by myself- I get help.
It gets more bearable. I lost my wife and my 2 adult sons do not talk to me, despite coming up to 3y sober in the first quarter 2019. You have to look after you first, more bearable- but the pain is always there.
Stay safe. My prayers and support to you. PJ.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Bet,
From the normie side of the equation there are alanon folks that can offer strategies that work.
I am just a talking head on pretty much everything I have learned about booze in the last 50 years.
I recall folks hurt by us addicts should not blame themselves. The addict needs to want to quit. The active addict is basically an insane person that will do whatever is needed to get their drug (in my case booze).
I am sober for a while, but even folks with 20 years of sobriety let it go and regret it. I have seen so many stories like that here.
Addiction messes with the addicts emotions so analysis has to win. Sometimes the addict gives up for a while or forever.
Sad story really, but it is reality. The percentage of folks that stay clean is tuff to call, but I believe 50% relapse in the first year...etc etc.
You can google this stuff nowadays. That is how I learned.
Hope this helps in some way. That is something we recovering folks like to do for natural endorphins....try to help folks.
Thanks.
From the normie side of the equation there are alanon folks that can offer strategies that work.
I am just a talking head on pretty much everything I have learned about booze in the last 50 years.
I recall folks hurt by us addicts should not blame themselves. The addict needs to want to quit. The active addict is basically an insane person that will do whatever is needed to get their drug (in my case booze).
I am sober for a while, but even folks with 20 years of sobriety let it go and regret it. I have seen so many stories like that here.
Addiction messes with the addicts emotions so analysis has to win. Sometimes the addict gives up for a while or forever.
Sad story really, but it is reality. The percentage of folks that stay clean is tuff to call, but I believe 50% relapse in the first year...etc etc.
You can google this stuff nowadays. That is how I learned.
Hope this helps in some way. That is something we recovering folks like to do for natural endorphins....try to help folks.
Thanks.
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