Highercall

Highercall

DontRemember

What are you actually going to do to get and stay sober? 'Plans' are great if we work them,but with a 'plan' and zero action nothing will ever change. So what are you going to do? rehab?

NerfThis

At this point Higher call, I need to be blunt and ask what exactly your aim is by using this forum? Currently you seem to disappear, return and tell us either a party happened or someone gave you alcohol which you drank with no hesitation, then you tip the rest down the sink and say how difficult this all is.

You don't sound like an alcoholic in search of help, but one who is completely content with continuing to drink, socialize with drinkers, party then feel that brief sense of hangover guilt which leads you here again. Then that wears off and you're back to drinking.

Did you not join the December forum and go to AA?

I'm truly sorry if I'm getting this wrong and you're 100 percent doing everything in your power to remain sober, but the way you describe things sounds like you jump at the next chance to drink. None of us can help you if you're not trying to help yourself.

I believe if you wanted help you'd stick to these boards like glue and not suddenly vanish every single time. I think you vanish because you want to have your binges without guilt or any of us trying to talk you out of them.

I'm not trying to be harsh, I just genuinely don't understand what you are looking for in this forum and how we can help you past the advice already given.

Dee74

I'm sorry you're still struggling HigherCall, but I'm glad you'e still here.

Folks may get frustrated from time to time but I'll always consider SR is for those struggling as well as those who've made it, and we don't shoot our wounded here

Maybe it would be a useful exercise to think about what you're doing for your recovery now - and accept that maybe you need to do more?

think about what other things you might do - AA SMART Lifering, Rehab (inpatient or outpatient) even, speaking with your Dr or counsellor, joining the December support thread (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-1-a-8.html) and posting daily, or more than daily?

There must be something you can add that's not too scary or onerous?

D

Highercall

Dee74

I really believe that anyone can stop drinking HigherCall - I don't believe in doomed alcoholics.

I was an all day every day drinker for several years - I was one late rent payment away from being homeless.

If I can turn it around around can

The only statistic I believe in is the one that says I've been 100% sober since I started putting in 100% effort.

D

Anna

HC, please pay no attention to people questioning why you are using this forum. You are always welcome here. I understand why you are here and I'm so glad that you are. Try to focus on making a daily that will work for you each and every day.

And, please make use of the Ignore function if you are upset by someone's posts.

lessgravity

Man I feel for you HC. I know that brutal cycle all too well. You need to give yourself the chance at a better life. You're here bc that's what something inside you deeply desires. You need to start doing the work necessary to get better. There's no magic pill, as you know. The answer is in saving yourself

Katie1984

Yikes! Being given alcohol as a gift is so difficult! You can't really say no because it's a gift and then, because it's there, you may as well drink it right?
nooooo don't so that. As painful as it is, tip it away as soon as possible so you can't be tempted to drink it

labgirl

Hey high. I've been down this road too just this week unfortunately. But I'm still trying. Please keep trying. One thing that I've found helpful is a podcast called the bubble hour. It has guest speakers and they are very relatable. Of course these only help when I use them and my plan daily. I struggle with that too. Take care and stick close to sr. We're all pulling for you

Dee74

These days I actually do say 'no thanks I don't drink, give it to someone else who can use it'.

I used to think that would mortally offend people - but I've found for most people it's really no big deal.

D

Finalround

My last binge had me recovering on the couch all day. It was a beautiful sunny Sunday that I should have been spending with my son. Time moves too quickly to waste .

I burned the memory of how sick I felt. I wallowed in the guilt and anxiety and racing heart and nausea. I made sure I remembered every second of it and I still do. Another day gone by that I can never get back piled up,with all the others. I attached this memory to any urge I have to drink. It upsets me to even write this.

Highercall, try to really learn from these fails and remember them. Especially the next time you go to pick up. If you can get past that first urge to drink and know why it truly is not going to end well for you, you will be on your way.

NerfThis

My question of why use the forum was in order for me to find a way to help. I've posted advice countless times trying to help, but Highercall seems to be in the same position with each new post, so my question was purely to work out what they want to get out of this forum in order to aid their recovery and get them off this first step. It isn't egotistical and condescending to think somebody may not yet be entirely ready to give up their habit.

If people feel it's necessary to discount my posts or hit the ignore button I am now saving you the effort by simply not posting in the SR forum any more, and wish you all the best of luck on your roads to recovery or continued sober days.

Anna I do apologize if you feel I need to be ignored on this forum, as that was absolutely not my intention, so I will refrain from using the board from now on.

thomas11

Good call on throwing the booze. As you know it leads to no good.

Rd2quit

NerfThis - I know you want to help otherwise you would not take time out of your day to post.

like Dee's early post stated "we are all on the same side." There are just many differenting opinions on the best way to get, or stay, where we all need to be. Obviously support is essential but is a small dose of tough love appropriate? Speaking for myself, I certainly need it. It is why I post here. Two different addiction experts gave me permission to relapse. I told them both no, it's not part of my recovery plan. Not a single person here has given me permission when I post here before I relapse. Again, I thank everyone here for there support.

doggonecarl

Hope you reconsider leaving the forum. I think SR works because there is that balance between the various replies to a thread. Some bring cyber-hugs and the "I know exactly what you are going through," kind of support. Others--I am count myself in that group--are a lot more blunt.

I don't think it's egotistical or condescending for a SR member to ask a struggling alcoholic if they are doing everything in their power to beat this addiction. I know I've asked. And I don't need the answer. But the poster needs to answer it for himself or herself.

Recovery, at least my recovery, required rigorous honesty. For the last ten years of my over 30 years of drinking, I wanted to get sober.

Wanted it. But in all honesty (and a fair amount of ignorance on my part) I wanted it to be easy. I wanted my power to ignore a drink to be as powerful as the urge to pick one up was. I didn't see that wanting sobriety, without doing anything to achieve it, wasn't enough. I had to take action on that desire. I wish I had had someone who could have pointed that out to me. Could have pointed out that my desire to take the path of least resistance was a reflection of my addiction. But I figured it out.

I don't see any of these posts as condemning the OP for his use of the forum, but rather striving to ask the questions that the poster needs to ask himself. Am I leveraging SR in a manner that is helping my recovery? Am I doing everything I can to get and stay sober? Am I aware of the changes I need to make in my life to support that decision. Am I capable of making those changes? and if not, why not?

I post to SR, long after my initial struggles to get sober, because I want to be able to show the newcomer that lasting sobriety is achievable. I don't always do it in the most delicate manner. But I certainly don't do it to come off as egotistical or condescending.

Anna

I did not say you should be Ignored and I would never do that.

I said, if the OP is upset by someone's post, he should use the Ignore function.

Everyone is welcome to post here, and we all try to offer our experience, strength and hope. I understood the OP's post in the sense that I didn't know what I wanted when I was struggling to stop drinking. I was lost. I didn't know what I was looking for or where to find it.

Again, everyone is welcome to post here, and Nerf, I hope you rethink your comment about leaving. You are a valued member.

Kid50

NerfThis

Thank you for your post, doggonecarl. It's reading posts like yours that have been helping me keep hold of my sobriety for this many months and will continue to help me.

Highercall, I did not mean to cause offense. I think frustration on this board comes from both parties. The people struggling to gain sobriety as well as the people trying to help. It's frustrating trying to quit and it's frustrating to give advice and feel that people are maybe not taking all the advice on board or simply aren't ready to take it yet.

SR members only want the best for other members. I want you to succeed more than anything, as I know how much better your life will be if you can get some decent sober time under your belt. I hope you'll continue to post here as it will help you reach that sober goal.