Starsabove32

I am currently going through abuse counselling for something that happened to me around 14 if not before. I was "groomed" by a man of 43. But I never seen it as grooming nor remembered it until now in therapy... I believed we entered a relationship at 15, and that I was "special"

I always knew it didn't sit right with me, but I never knew the extent of which he groomed me until now. It lasted months if not a couple of years until 15 when he had built up such a close relationship- and then made his sexual advances. The "relationship" went on from 15 to 23 where he had a gross amount of power and control (I should add from 18-23 I was away at uni term time, but home for all holidays and back around him).

What I thought was love was some perverted old peado, who preyed on me... Who seen all my vulnerabilities and insecurities and who obviously had a perversion towards children.

I have felt suicidal and so depressed around everything I am remembering. I feel so used and abused... I am suffering so much and with nothing to numb the pain I feel even more helpless.

Anyone went through abuse counselling? I've been to counselling before but this one is affecting me mentally and physically. I feel like I want to give up on life and it's not fair :'(

Cuckoo

I have no experience or wisdom to share but just want to offer support.
I am no expert in anything but I do know a person who needs a hug when I see one, so sending you a huge Cuckoo hug with best wishes for a better future x

Anna

I'm very sorry that this abuse happened to you. I'm glad that you are in therapy and I hope that you begin to find some peace. Whatever you do, don't blame yourself in any way. This horrible man maneuvered you into a position so he could take advantage of you.

least

It is not your fault. You were taken advantage of.

I hope the counseling helps you.

D122y

star,

I was abused mentally and physically. Not sexually though.

My Dad used to love to make me cry and I often felt he practiced his best boxing techniques on me.

Once I turned 17 and was able to get out of the house without being homeless I left. I almost decided to never go back, but I still do.

This is pretty much the first time I ever typed this, but I pretty much hate my parents. It is messed up way to feel considering they did their best....at least that is what they say. They say other stuff, but it doesn't erase how I feel down in my soul.

Sexual abuse is horrible, I have no experience. I will say that being physically abused by someone that is 5x as strong as me sucked. I am pretty messed up still.

Bottom line is want to relate to what you are saying in my own way.

I hurt too.

This place saves souls.

Thanks.
I

Dee74

Its good to see you again stars - I'm really glad you decided to go into counselling.

I hope you can put this in your past and move on - you were preyed upon - you did nothing wrong and you deserve to live without this weight on you.

PhoenixJ

That sucks.
Although I cannot verify this, as my old's are dead- an Uncle told me recently it is 'very probably' my bro and I were abused by a guy who was in a position of trust. This guy was wanted at Federal level on 200 charges- but suicided. My dad turned more and more to booze when he found out (he was a priest), my bro drank himself to death at 42, then there is my quaint little dance with death- by booze/blackout- (for a while) fatal burns. A school coach probably abused same bro- and tried to groom me as well.

All I know is how crap this causes me to feel and have just begun to touch the edges.

Talking honestly with a counsellor is a good idea, but also finding a way to express your thoughts and feelings- to process. For me it is through art and journal writing.

My prayers and support to you.

Awal

Hi, yes l understand. I was sexually abused throughout my childhood by an uncle.
l blamed myself years later for allowing it to happen.
l got counselling in later life after a 6 year struggle with anorexia.
It worked for me x

Spider

I do not personally, but I learned after many, many years there was a serial incestuous pedophile in VERY close proximity to me via my spouses family. I knew all of his victims for years. Upon learning the truth, I see them very differently now. They chose to keep this person in the family (and around my son growing up, which is a source of white hot fury to me) and continue on without addressing it.

In any case, there are no willing victims and the perpetrators are the most vile and loathsome people on earth. Language doesn't exist to express my sadness for you and all who've been the focus of these predators. Young people are the very best on the planet and completely innocent. I hope you can find the path to happiness and hope

Jules714

I have been through many years of therapy for sexual, verbal, physical abuse. I think that art/music helped tremendously, as did cog. beh. but some thing called EMDR helped the most with diffusing of flashbacks. It does not make things go away, but it makes them more comfortable.
The most important thing I learnt is that none of it was my fault. I did not deserve it. I didn't ask for it.
I'm not going to lie, one of my perpetrators was a female (I am also female) and it is to this day difficult for me to bond/trust females.
You can heal and I am so glad you are seeking help.
Take gentle care of yourself,
Jules

Starsabove32

Thanks everyone for your messages, it really helps a lot. It's nice to have this platform to seek support. I decided to try writing a blog about various mental health issues, I started with abuse as an attempt to help me.

Awal

My abuser had died before l sought counselling. One of the things l was advised to do was to write him a letter, saying everything l would want to say to him...l wrote around 4 or 5 pages of absolute rant and what l thought of him and what he had done to deny me of an innocent childhood. I was then advised to put the letter away for a week. After a week l was to read it through again, then set fire to it and watch it burn. This exercise along with the rest of the counselling helped me to recover from all the feelings of guilt and pain l had been carrying for over 30 years. Sending hugs to you...l really do understand how hard this is. X